Memory Of You
by chinadollontour
Summary: Miss Ada Banks is accompanying her fiancé William Murdoch on the maiden voyage of Titanic - how long can their seemingly-perfect relationship last during a positively miserable voyage with a certain disaster looming on the horizon?
1. Disclaimer & Author Notes

Disclaimer & Author Notes

I do not own Titanic (film or wreck) or most of the characters in this story – they mostly belong to history and/or James Cameron. Of course, I "own" my interpretations of said characters and I admit that certain characters are more fictional than historical in this story. I also own one or two other characters who are my own creations.

Anyhow, I hope no offence is caused through my interpretations of the historical characters. I admit I have altered some aspects of them to suit my story, and I must stress that _no offence is intended whatsoever. _

I am fully aware that First Officer Murdoch and Ada Banks were married long before Titanic. I have changed that to fit the story – it is fiction, not a documentary, after all, and I do not claim to be entirely historically accurate.

I will now mention my main inspiration – music. Pop music, to be precise. Please don't roll your eyes at that – I have been going through a phase of listening to songs which I find utterly endearing, which then inspired a huge portion of this story. These would be Who'd Have Known and Chinese by Lily Allen, Memory Of You and Whole Lotta History by Girls Aloud, Better by Boyzone and Nothing's As Good As You by Sugababes. There were others, but these were the main ones. Hopefully this won't put anyone off reading further!

Finally, I am obsessive when it comes to spelling, so I hope there are no glaring spelling mistakes anywhere. I must also point out that I use the British spellings, and I hope that won't put anyone off! I'm really fighting the urge to use smilies here, but I think I can stop myself.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my story!


	2. Meeting Titanic

April 2, 1912

I lovingly smiled up at him as he talked. He could talk, and everything he said often went in one ear and out the other. It didn't matter, I loved him completely unconditionally – why else would I have agreed to accompany him on Titanic's maiden voyage? I hated the sea with a passion and the last thing I wanted was to leave solid earth for a week in a floating iron cell and a short stay in New York at the end. My sister told me I was mad for agreeing to it, but...God, I would do anything to spend time with my wonderful fiancé, William Murdoch.

What was he talking about? I looked up at him again and he smiled at me, taking my hand and squeezing it gently.

"You haven't been listening, have you lovvie?"

His pet name for me makes me smile every time.

"I'm sorry Will – it's just...you know I'm not entirely happy about ships."

"I know lovvie, but," he put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. "You are going to be living on here for the next couple of weeks, and I also know you will love it as soon as you board."

I looked at him in horror. "_Couple of weeks_? I thought we would be in New York in a week's time!"

He nodded, "A week from Southampton. We will be there tonight, stay onboard until morning and then be staying in Southampton until the 12th. We won't actually be sailing for that long, lovvie.

I looked skeptical, "So why would you imply that?"

"You know I like to exaggerate! Anyway, don't you want to go on board and have a look? I'll introduce you to the officers..."

My mind wandered again, this time to the surrounding area. I hated Belfast. It was such a grey, dull place, always looking miserable. Admittedly, Will's Scotland wasn't much better in that respect, but at least there was scenery there. Belfast was just a city full of tall buildings and that hideous yellow Harland and Wolff thing. I tilted my head and looked at it. What was it anyway? I'm sure Will had told me before – in fact I knew he had.

"Ada? Do you want to go on board?"

His voice startled me, and I quickly nodded. No, I didn't want to go on board – but I knew I would have to at some point. He took my hand and led me up the gangway. I turned and looked at our luggage – well, mostly my luggage. Will always travelled lightly. Not that I didn't – after all, I hardly had the money to spend on things I needed, let alone frivolities like several beautiful dresses I don't need. Will had already wasted enough of his wages on dresses so I would fit in with the first class ladies who were due to board in Southampton. I didn't deserve to be travelling first class – I had no idea how Will had managed to get me a ticket. Then again, he was the chief officer. That must have something to do with it.

"Will, what about our luggage?"

"Don't worry about it, Ada – I'll bring it up in a while. Trust me, lovvie, the shipyard workers are not going to want your dresses or jewellery!"

I laughed. True enough – the big burly workers in worn jumpsuits and with thick Belfast accents were unlikely to want my luggage. I allowed Will to lead me inside the ship, where men were rushing back and forth putting the finishing touches to the interior. Will kept a tight grip on my hand as he led me through the corridors, up stairs and eventually onto the top deck.

"This is the boat deck, lovvie. There's the lifeboats, the gymnasium – you will want to try the machines in there – and this over here," he led me over to the front. "This is the bridge and officer's quarters."

I gazed around, pretending to be impressed. I had seen several ships in my life, although I'd never been on the bridge of one. It was exactly as I had imagined – nothing of particular interest, with wheels and a perfect view of the sea in front. I smiled and nodded as Will talked me through the use of each and every wheel and contraption in there.

"Will!"

We turned to see a tall young man bounding across the boat deck towards us. He was an officer too, although from his deer-like behaviour I would almost disbelieve this. He stopped as soon as he saw me.

"And who is this lovely lady?"

Will grinned from ear to ear, putting his arm across my shoulder again.

"This is Miss Ada Banks."

"Miss Banks...how utterly wonderful to meet you."

The officer took my hand and kissed it sincerely. I smiled and giggled.

"And this, Ada, is my _subordinate_ Charles Lightoller. He's our first officer. And my subordinate." Will grinned, obviously revelling in the teasing of his colleague. "We call him Lights."

"I am, after all, the light of your lives, am I not?" He grinned back at Will. "I may be your subordinate, but only in name!"

Will rolled his eyes, "So you keep saying!"

Lights suddenly looked down at my hand again, and grabbed it in surprise, staring at my ring. It was a beautiful ring, the most perfect ring I could imagine – because Will had given it to me.

"My, oh my!" He whistled. "Doth mine eyes deceive me, or is this your mother's ring, Will?"

Will nodded, "That it is."

"So this is the wonderful young lady you have been bragging about for the last few months!" He smiled at me, as I turned to look at Will.

"You have been _bragging _about me, darling? Surely I should be doing the bragging!"

"Well, you know, lovvie, when a man asks a woman to marry him, he retains all bragging rights." He grinned at me. "And what man wouldn't want to brag about a woman as wonderful as you?"

He kissed my nose gently and I swear I felt butterflies fluttering inside me. Lights interrupted the perfect moment.

"Will, must you do this in public? It really isn't fair when you know I've left Sylvia behind! I have no way of competing!"

Will looked at him and laughed, "There's always Mr Moody!"

Lights made a face and was about to retort to this, when some newcomers walked in. Three officers, the captain – I knew him from the newspapers – and three other men in suits. Will and Lights straightened up slightly and greetings were exchanged before attention turned to me. Will introduced us.

"Gentlemen, this is Miss Ada Banks. Ada, this is Captain Smith (you must know him already, surely), Mr Andrews (he built Titanic), Mr Ismay (president of the White Star Line), his son Bruce Junior (travelling to New York with his father) and these fine men are the junior officers on Titanic – Mr Lowe, Mr Moody and Mr Boxhall." He paused. "Wait a moment – we are missing an officer. Mr Pitman isn't present."

I smiled at all of them and murmured a greeting. They all seemed pleasant enough – the captain was lovely, as was Mr Andrews and Mr Ismay, both of whom bowed politely. The officers...well, I must be honest, I couldn't remember which was which. Bruce Junior, however...I looked at him, unintentionally, to see his eyes boring into me. God, he kept staring. Will must have sensed my sudden tension as he instinctively put his arm across my shoulders. Eventually most of the men wandered off, leaving Lights and the other three officers behind. Will looked down at me with a worried expression on his face.

"Are you alright there, lovvie?"

I nodded, staring after the men. Will squeezed my hand, pulling me back into the room – not literally of course, but my mind had wandered away again. Lights was talking to the other officers, brightly.

"You see, Miss Banks is sailing with us from here because she is Will's own lady friend."

"Lights, she is not simply my 'lady friend'!" Will retorted. "She's my wonderful fiancée!"

"Fiancée?" One of the other officers interrupted. He had a Welsh accent. "Good God, Will, you're going to _settle down_?"

Lights mumbled something about lady friends and I distinctly heard him point out that a fiancée _must _be a friend of some description. Will ignored him, choosing instead to respond to the other officer who had spoken.

"Harold Lowe, I have no intention of settling down. Ada agrees with me – don't you lovvie?"

He grinned down at me. We had spoken about this before, and I had insisted that after the wedding I wanted to be with him all the time. Still, we had to come to some sort of an agreement – he would continue with the job he loved and I'd wait for him in Scotland. Something didn't seem quite right about this agreement. Will had laughed and said it was the perfect compromise, but I must admit that there _was _no compromise – it was exactly as it had been before. The only alternative, he had pointed out, was me joining him on the voyages across the Atlantic. Something told me that I would end up doing just that. For now, I simply smiled up at him.

"Whatever you say, Will."

Lights sniggered to the other officers, "Will is completely smitten, you know chaps. He was making me feel quite ill before you were kind enough to join us."

Will swatted him with his hat before kissing me softly on my nose again. One of the officers whistled, only to be silenced with another swat of Will's hat.

"Mr Boxhall, surely you have duties to attend to?" Will was grinning around the room, as always. The officer who had whistled simply winked and nodded, before addressing me.

"Miss Banks, keep an eye on him. He can't be trusted!"

"Don't you worry, Mr Boxhall, I'll be keeping him well and truly under my thumb!"

Will gestured towards the deck. "Has the lifeboat drill been completed?"

"Yes, sir!"

This was met with a laugh throughout the room, before each officer wandered back outside, leaving Will and myself alone again.

"I love you so much, Will." I whispered, looking up at him.

He smiled back, "Do you want to see your room now, lovvie?"


	3. An Irrational Panic

"Will, it is absolutely beautiful!"

I gazed around the room in absolute awe. I had been given one of the parlour suites, reserved for the wealthiest passengers. Everything was perfect, brand new and just wonderful. The most beautiful room I had ever seen, let alone lived in! I turned to Will in shock.

"How on earth did I manage to get a room like this?"

Will grinned from ear to ear. "Only the best for you, lovvie. Besides, when I was asking Mr Andrews if it would be possible for you to have a first class room, he insisted you had one of these suites. I swear, I never even suggested it to him. The thought never crossed my mind – I won't claim recognition for Mr Andrews' generosity!"

I turned back to look at the room in amazement. "No Will – I can't stay in here. It's not right. I don't belong in a room like this! This is for someone with money and maids and -"

"Miss Banks, this is a gift from me to you." I spun around to see Mr Andrews himself standing in the doorway beside Will. "After all, you are travelling with your fiancée who will feel compelled to lavish more of his attention on my ship than on the woman who deserves it. I must admit I felt a twinge of guilt when he mentioned your engagement – I felt I ought to make it up to you."

"I would be perfectly satisfied with second class -" I began to protest. He was hearing none of it.

"Honestly, Miss Banks, you deserve this and more for consenting to join us on this voyage. Besides, this room will be empty unless you stay. You wouldn't want to waste a perfectly decent room, would you?"

I smiled, "I am very grateful, Mr Andrews. Your ship is wonderful and I would be honoured to be travelling steerage."

"Or bunking with Will, I imagine!"

Will reddened slightly, and I felt a blush rising on my cheeks too. Mr Andrews laughed softly, before saying goodbye and leaving. Will took my hands in his.

"Would you really rather bunk with me in my cramped quarters than stay in a room fit for a queen?"

"In absolute honesty? No." Will looked aghast. "I'd rather you bunked with me."

We laughed, before wandering further into the room. Everything was perfect – the fireplace, the mirrors, the panelling...Buckingham Palace itself couldn't be more beautiful.

"Will...I'll be afraid to touch anything!"

We both started laughing at that, and left the room, still giggling. Will linked his arm with mine and we paraded down my private promenade deck. I waved out to the people down below who, admittedly, weren't concerned with looking up at a foolish young couple in love pretending to be aristocrats. Will twirled me under his arm, catching me in his other arm, then kissed the end of my nose.

"And with that, lovvie, I must bid you adieu."

"Why?"

"Regrettably I have a job to do. The downside of being chief officer rather than a..." he looked at me impishly. "A toff!"

I knocked his hat off his head in mock anger. "I may be a toff, but surely that makes you my subordinate?"

"I walked right into that one." He kissed the end of my nose again. "Lovvie, I think I should tell you this sooner rather than later – as my future wife, you are my subordinate and you must obey my every command -"

"If you were still wearing your hat I'd knock it off again." I smiled. "I will be certain to obey your every command. However, my darling, you must remember not to command me to do anything!"

We laughed again and he hugged me tightly.

"You know I'd never, ever do anything to upset you, don't you Ada?"

"Of course I do, Will. All this talk is in fun, I know that."

He kissed me gently on the lips, and the spell was broken.

"I must run now, lovvie – if you need anything at all, I'll be on the bridge. If you are hungry, just go to the mess – there will be someone there all day."

"Have fun!" I called after him.

During the rest of the day I came to realise that there was not much for one passenger to do on her own on this ship. To be perfectly honest, I didn't _want _to do anything without Will. We had only met a month ago, but it seemed that our engagement and my absolute loyalty and love for him made perfect sense. It was completely crazy – I had spent most of my adult life secretly wanting to be a woman like the suffragettes, putting the rights I deserved before any man. As soon as I met Will though...God, it sounds like such an awful cliché, but everything seemed to click into place. Everything was perfect for once. I didn't care about votes, I didn't care about chaining myself to railings for a good cause – the only thing I cared about was being with Will.

At the same time, however, I almost felt cheated – even on this ship, with me travelling to New York with him, I knew the ship would come first. I knew his job would always come first. It wasn't his fault, I knew he didn't consciously choose his job over me, he would never do that – but he had always loved the sea and sailing, and it made absolutely perfect sense for him to put that first in his life. I didn't mind, not one bit because as soon as we were on dry land, he would be completely devoted to me again, as I am devoted to him. I almost didn't mind the prospect of travelling to and from America, if it meant being with Will – I loved him so much.

I rolled my eyes at this thought – I had become so pathetic recently, my only reason for getting up in the morning was seeing Will. I really was a disgrace to the cause I had once supported.

I left my beautiful room for the time being, deciding to see if I could find my way around the ship on my own. If I could at least find my way to the bridge I would be satisfied – if that is where Will was going to be spending most of his time, it would be worth finding my way up there. It wasn't until I realised I was back at my room again that I knew I should have paid more attention to where I was going when Will walked me there. I had been too busy gazing out across the dock at all the workers – they had seemed so insignificant to the world when compared to the ship. I had shuddered and moved closer to Will, the realisation hitting me that in the grand scheme of things, we were practically nothing.

Still, even that memory didn't help me now. I needed to find someone who could direct me to the bridge – anyone, at this stage. Surely one of those officers I was introduced to earlier would be somewhere in the area? I can't have been abandoned on this ship – Will wouldn't allow that to happen. He knew it was bad enough that I was on this ship while they were doing those trial things. I suddenly felt sick – sick and abandoned on an unfamiliar ship. No, I had to get off. There had to be a way out!

I started running, up any stairs I could find, in any direction. Tears started to fall as I felt myself start to panic. Where was Will? Why wasn't he there to kiss my nose and tell me I'd be fine? Why was I getting so upset over this? I could get through this without Will – he had left me, I didn't need him. But where do I go? Why does everything look the same? Why did I ever agree to come on board anyway? Why? Why?

So many questions flew through my brain, and each new question made me panic more. I stopped, suddenly feeling unable to breathe. God, I kept gasping for air but it made no difference. I gazed around in a panic, trying to find a way out, not caring that I could hardly breathe. I just needed to get out, everything would be fine once I got out of here. Where is the way out though? I didn't recognise this place. There was a beautiful staircase at one end of the room and I made my way over to it, still gasping for air. A glass dome let in sunlight from above – this must be the way out! I practically tripped up the stairs as I ran, desperate to get outside. As soon as I pulled a door open, the air hit me – I gazed out at the sea in disbelief. I hadn't noticed we had actually left the dock. I was finally able to breathe again, and I wandered out, taking everything in. I had been up here before, I remembered it now. Which meant I should easily be able to find the bridge.

As it turned out, I didn't need to find the bridge – I heard Will's voice nearby, shouting orders to someone. I hurried in the direction his voice came from.

"Will!"

"Ada?" He looked absolutely bewildered. "Whatever are you doing up here?"

"I needed some air..."

He looked down at my tear stained face, concern in his eyes.

"Lovvie, I'm working at the moment but...can you just wait by the deckchairs? We should be stopping for something to eat soon."

"But Will -"

"I'm truly sorry, Ada, but I have to keep working." He squeezed my hand gently. "Mr Moody! To the bridge now!"

He walked away, leaving me alone in the middle of the boat deck. I shivered, wishing I had taken my coat with me. I watched Will disappear over the other side of the deck, and I can honestly say I've never felt more alone. I wanted to go home, I wanted my coat...but I had to wait by the deckchairs. I couldn't leave this deck. I knew I would end up lost again if I tried to find my way back. I sat down, staring blankly out across the water, listening to the sounds of seagulls and men yelling orders to eachother.


	4. Bruce Junior

"Miss? Are you alright?"

I jumped out of my own little world and looked up to see who was talking to me. God, it was that creepy young man – what was his name? Something Junior...Bruce Junior, that's it! I nodded furiously.

"I am fine, thank you."

"Would you like me to sit with you?"

I shuddered inside. "No, thank you. I just want to watch the sea."

He smiled and sat down beside me anyway. "A beautiful lady such as yourself should not be sitting alone on deck."

I rolled my eyes, then fixed my gaze on the horizon. Please make him leave – I don't want to sit here with this man. Where is Will when I need him?

"It is Miss Banks, is it not?"

I nodded, never shifting my gaze. He continued.

"You know, Miss Banks, you are a beautiful woman."

"You said that, Mr Ismay."

"Please, call me Bruce. My father is 'Mr Ismay'."

I didn't respond.

"Would you care for me to escort you to dinner, Miss Banks?"

"No, thank you."

"Surely you don't wish to eat alone!"

I shot a look at him. "I shall be eating with my fiancé, Mr Ismay."

He looked confused. "Your fiancé, Miss Banks? Who -"

"Chief Officer Murdoch, Mr Ismay."

Bruce looked down at the floor, then back up at me. Why was he being so persistent? All I wanted was to wait for Will, I didn't want another man's company.

"Well, I will be waiting, Miss Banks. I have known many officers through my father, and not one has been worth the time of day."

He was smirking. I could hardly take this. Thankfully he was interrupted at this point.

"Miss Banks, what on earth are you doing out here?"

I looked up to my left to see Lightoller standing there. Lights. Thank God.

"Will asked me to wait here until he stopped to eat."

Lights tilted his head, looking at Bruce.

"Are you not supposed to be shadowing your father, sir?"

"Mr Lightoller, please do not presume to tell me what I should be doing. I saw Miss Banks sitting here alone and felt I should provide her with some company."

I turned to him. "I do not require any company, thank you."

He scowled, before standing, raising his hat to me and walking away. Lights watched him leaving, then looked back at me.

"I would keep an eye on that man if I were you, Miss. I have heard on the grapevine that he is not to be trusted."

"Thank you, Mr Lightoller."

"No, please Miss – call me Lights."

He sounded so sincere, I laughed.

"I'm not one for nicknames, but I will do my best to remember. Lights."

"Will should be along soon. He was just checking that the ship is turning as it should. The joys of being a senior officer on a new ship! We will be stopping for lunch before too long."

He smiled and continued on his way. I sighed, continuing to stare out across the sea. It wasn't too horrible a day, but it could be warmer. I huddled down, trying to keep myself warm in the sea breeze. Suddenly my view was blocked by someone's hands.

"Guess who!"

I giggled. "I couldn't possibly guess!"

Will removed his hands and leant over the back of the chair to kiss my nose. He then hurried around to the front, took both my hands and pulled me to my feet.

"Lunch, lovvie?"

I smiled up at him, perfectly content again, my arm linked in his. I nodded happily, and we walked down the deck towards the mess hall.


	5. An Incident At Lunch

We sat in the mess hall for about an hour, laughing and talking – and, of course, eating. Will kept me by his side the whole time, checking every few minutes that I was still alright. I felt almost embarrassed by my behaviour earlier – I knew Will worries about me when I get upset. God knows he's seen enough of that side of me since we met. Every time I was left alone in an unfamiliar place it was the same – even when he brought me to his home to meet his parents. I had slept in his room while he slept in the kitchen. In the morning, I got up and realised the house was empty. I didn't know where they had all gone. I became hysterical, I ran out into the street sobbing and hyperventilating, only to meet Will on his way back to the house. He had only gone out for half an hour, to pick me some flowers as a surprise. I had felt absolutely terrible, but he had shrugged it off. God, why did Will put up with me and these awful outbursts?

"You alright there, lovvie?"

I nodded, smiling at him, before taking a sip of water. My attention was drawn to the conversation the officers were having – they all seemed so close, almost like brothers. I had finally started to get their names straight. Obviously there was Lights, I knew him. The second officer was Davy Blair, who had spent most of his time teasing Lights about his new position as first officer. Then there were two others, the third and fourth officers – I knew they were referred to as Joe and Bert, but couldn't quite work out which was which. Then the officer with a hint of a Welsh accent, Harry Lowe, and finally Jim Moody, the sixth officer who really looked too young to be there.

Davy Blair was, at that moment, telling stories about Lights to the junior officers – but even the ones who had worked with him before didn't believe them.

"Honestly, Harry – he hoisted their flag, lit a cannon and watched as the people started to panic! Mass hysteria, I tell you!"

Lowe looked incredibly doubtful. "Hardly. I'm no fool, Davy – if he had done anything like that he wouldn't be here now!"

"He would Harry, and I'll tell you why. It is the moral of this story, in fact – he refused to tell his superiors who else was involved, and they let him off lightly."

"Lightly, my foot." Lights muttered.

Lowe still looked skeptical. "No, I don't buy this. No one can set off a cannon and be let off lightly!"

Moody was staring at Lights in awe. "Lights, I had no idea you had pulled anything like that! All the time we were on Oceanic and you didn't once mention this!"

Lights sniggered. "I was warned not to encourage any fellow officers to go down the same route. Apparently _telling _is the same as _encouraging._"

"Lights, as your superior officer, I must _order _you to stop encouraging the junior officers to behave in that way!" Will interrupted suddenly.

Lights looked at him and rolled his eyes. "Honestly, Will, no one is really idiotic enough to see that as encouragement? It's not like the White Star Line officials know what they're talking about anyway -"

"It's not, Mr Lightoller?"

Lights froze, an expression of horror slowly spreading across his face. He slowly turned to see Mr Ismay, Captain Smith and Mr Andrews behind him. He quickly jumped to his feet, standing stiffly to attention.

"I apologise, sir, I was just explaining to the officers how _not _to behave. I most certainly did _not _mean what you heard, sir, it was all part of the demonstration."

Mr Ismay looked incredibly skeptical, but obviously decided at that moment to not chase it up. Lights was obviously determined to make up as many excuses as possible. Mr Andrews was obviously trying his best not to laugh, while the captain just looked embarrassed. Mr Ismay responded after about thirty seconds.

"Very well then, Mr Lightoller. Just don't forget who it is who pays your wages."

Lights nodded sharply, and continued to stand until the three men disappeared outside. As soon as Lights turned to sit again, the table erupted with laughter.

"If only you could have seen your face, Lights! Absolutely priceless!"

Lights scowled at them. "Thank you so much for warning me that he was here."

"I tried to warn you," Will said between laughter. "But you carried on worse than before!"

Another round of laughter started at this, as Lights shook his head sadly.

"To think I'm stuck in here with you lot for God knows how long!"

Will pushed his plate to the side and stood up.

"Come on, chaps, we have work to do!" He looked down at me. "Will you be alright here, lovvie? Or do you want to go to your room?"

"I – I think I'll be fine."

He looked concerned, obviously realising I wouldn't be fine.

"I tell you what, lovvie – we will find Mr Andrews, and if he's not busy he might give you a tour of this ship!"

"No, Will, really – I don't want to keep you from your work."

"And you won't be. He was here a moment ago, so he can't have gone too far away."

He took my hand, put his hat on his head and set off at a run – which I hadn't been expecting. Davy whistled.

"No time for that lark, Will!"

As we ran, I began to laugh, remembering the last time Will had done this – we had been walking in the hills near his home, when suddenly he grabbed my hand and started running downhill. It had resulted in both of us falling, tumbling down the hill in eachother's arms. That wouldn't be happening now though, I thought, as we reached the bridge. Will pulled to a halt, before walking into the wheel house just like any officer. While we were on this ship, I wouldn't be coming first – the thought hit home again.

"Ah, Mr Andrews." Will stood smartly in front of the shipbuilder, my arm linked in his. "I was just wondering if you would have any spare time this afternoon?"

Andrews shook his head, "Regretfully not. I have to keep a close eye on the ship's performance this afternoon – make sure she's ready, you know."

"Oh. Yes. How could I forget that?"

Will looked down at me, about to apologise, but Andrews interjected.

"Was there something you needed me for, Mr Murdoch?"

"No, no, sir. Sorry. No, it's just that Ada is feeling a bit isolated today and I suggested she might like a tour of the ship. It slipped my mind that you had to keep an eye on it..."

"Well – Mr Ismay's son is free this afternoon, if you were interested, Miss Banks?"

My eyes widened, "Oh no, thank you, Mr Andrews. I think I will just go back to my room."

Will and I walked back outside. He looked so concerned about me, I felt incredibly guilty – I was the cause of so much worry for him.

"Are you sure you're happy going back to your room, lovvie?"

I nodded firmly. "It's a bit cold out here on deck – I could just read or something. Really, Will, I will be fine." I looked up at him sincerely. "But when will you be off again?"

"I'm not too sure, lovvie, it depends. Might be all afternoon, for all I know. Either way," he stopped walking and turned to face me. "I _will _be going straight to your room when I finish, so please don't worry about a thing. Just read, sleep or – you could write to your sister, she's sure to want to know what you're doing today! Or," he put his arm across my shoulder, pulling me close as we started to walk again. "Or you could run yourself a nice hot bath. You should find all the soap and everything you need in your room."

I giggled, and we walked the rest of the way to my room in silence. When we reached it, he opened the door before pulling me inside. He kissed my nose, then moved down to my mouth. The passion between us intensified, but he pulled away quickly. He stared into my eyes sadly.

"I'm sorry, lovvie. I have to get to the bridge."

He kissed my nose again and left me alone, wishing we were back in Scotland together.


	6. An Adventure Of Sorts

I woke with a start. What was that? The engines had stopped? I looked around in a panic – why was I in my bedroom? I had fallen asleep on my couch next to the fire, not in here. My eyes suddenly fell on Will, who was sitting beside my bed.

"We're in Southampton now, lovvie," he smiled.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"I came to bring you to dinner, but you were sleeping...I moved you in here and you looked so peaceful. I couldn't bring myself to wake you."

He leant over and kissed my nose.

"So, lovvie, do you want to stay here tonight or shall we find somewhere to stay in town?"

"What time is it?"

"Midnight. Or thereabouts. But the officers are going to look around now, it isn't too late if you want." He grinned. "It'll be an adventure."

An adventure. Will's adventures usually involved getting lost in the dark. He had suggested the same thing when I first accompanied him to Scotland. We had arrived in the middle of the night in the village he grew up in, and he had said it was too late to surprise his parents – we would have to find somewhere else to stay. We had walked around and around in the dark for at least an hour before Will admitted he didn't recognise where we were. He decided then to head back to his parent's house, deciding it made more sense to do that than to stay up all night walking in circles. We began to walk back the way we had come, but of course he then realised we were lost. We eventually spent the night under a hedge – which wasn't so bad. It couldn't be bad if Will was there with his arm around me all night. Still, he made sure to go to surprise his parents before nightfall the next day.

I smiled at him. "Why not? It could be fun!"

I clambered out of bed before following Will to the door.

"Wait – I'm not ready! I'll need a change of clothes and a comb -"

Will grabbed my hands. "Where's your sense of adventure, lovvie? You don't need all that when we're going exploring!"

He pulled me close to him and I laughed.

"I suppose you're right. But don't blame me when I look like Medusa in the morning!"

"As long as you don't turn me to stone!"

We laughed as he put his arm across my shoulders, and we walked out, walking down to get off the ship. It was so cold outside, but with Will's arm around me...God, I felt so warm. Will confidently walked across the dock – well, he had been here several times before. He must have somewhere in mind for us to stay. We were in absolute silence all the while, but even so, we knew we didn't have to talk. Everything between us was perfect – we didn't need to talk to know how the other was feeling. Of course, that feeling of being completely synchronised with Will evaporated when he suddenly stopped and gazed up.

"You know something, lovvie? I would be perfectly happy to camp out here tonight."

"What?"

"No, honestly – lying here under the stars...just like we did in Dalbeattie!"

"Will, that was under a hedge – we can't sleep on a doorstep! What would people think?"

He laughed awkwardly, then stepped back to check a sign.

"Will – Will! I thought you knew of somewhere we could stay?"

"I did. Lights and Davy gave me directions. And it's not here."

"You took directions from them?"

"No need to worry, lovvie. We'll find somewhere. Here, take this..."

He pulled his greatcoat off and put it over my shoulders, despite my protests. He then removed his hat and placed it on my head, before stepping back to admire his handiwork.

"Who needs those new dresses from Paris?" He teased, grinning at me.

"No, Will – it's too cold out. At least take the hat!"

He wouldn't listen, and instead grabbed my hand and we set off at a run. Obviously he had no idea where he was going and I was getting caught up in the coat – and trying to hold the hat on at the same time. We passed several hotels on the way, but all seemed to be locked up for the night. No surprises there – anyone with any sense would have been in bed hours ago! I almost regretted leaving the ship – but then again, if we had stayed, I would have spent the night without Will. At least now we might end up sharing a room, even though he was too much of a gentleman to consider sharing a bed.

Suddenly we heard a yell coming from the darkness ahead of us.

"Good God, he found us!"

It was Davy, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The other officers emerged from the darkness too, each holding a beer and cigarette – the only exception being Harry Lowe, who only held a cigarette. Will scowled at them.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Where we said we'd be, of course!"

"Ah, but if you had followed the directions you gave me, you wouldn't be set with your drinks yet!"

Davy shrugged and Lights took over.

"Willie, my good man, we felt that you and the exquisite Miss Banks would rather spend the night _alone_."

"On the contrary, Charles, I would think we would much rather spend the night in a warm room apart than on the streets of Southampton together."

I didn't quite agree with this statement, but let it slide. Suddenly Davy piped up again.

"But Willie-boy, I thought you owned a house here?"

I looked up at Will in disbelief – surely this couldn't be true! Will wouldn't make me run around Southampton if he owned a house here – would he?

"Shut up, Mr Blair. Now where is this place you are all staying in?"

Lowe gestured behind them. Thankfully one of these officers appeared to be sober. Well, he obviously was. He was the only one, with the exception of Will, not drinking. He followed us to make sure we found the hotel.

"Erm...Bert signed for one room for all the officers..."

Will looked at Lowe in amazement. "What? One room? What about Ada?"

"I honestly don't know, Will. I'm sure there's more rooms available if you ask."

We walked inside. There was no one at the desk, and Will slammed his fist down in frustration. He looked at me with defeat in his eyes.

"Do you want to go back to the ship, lovvie? I'm sure you don't want to spend the night in a room full of officers..."

"I don't mind, Will, I really truly don't. I will spend the night here providing I can sleep away from the others. At the side – I don't particularly want to be surrounded by men I am only briefly accquainted with. I'm sure you understand."

He did, and after taking the key off Lowe, we walked upstairs to the room. It didn't take too long to find it, although we did have to suppress some laughter when Will tried to open the wrong door – we heard someone fumbling around on the other side, and we ran away.

Still, we found the room easily enough after that. It wasn't too big – two bunks and two single beds, crammed into a comparitively small room. Will and I looked at eachother.

"We're a bed short!" Will muttered. "The fools!"

"It's no problem, Will. If you want, I will go back to the ship."

He wouldn't hear it though. "No, lovvie, we can have this bed here."

He gestured towards the bed next to the farthest wall. I looked at him, confused. _We _could have that bed? He caught my look and shook his head firmly.

"I swear, I won't take advantage of you, lovvie. Just have my arm around you," he pulled me close. "I think they would kill me if there weren't enough beds to go 'round."

I smiled up at him. Of course I knew he wouldn't take advantage of me – he was the perfect gentleman. I felt butterflies in my stomach at the thought of lying in his arms all night – this situation couldn't possibly get better.


	7. A Seemingly Broken Nose

We were woken a while later by someone shaking Will's shoulder like a madman.

"Willie! Willie! You took my bed!"

"Tough luck, Davy." Will mumbled, before attempting to roll over and go back to sleep. Davy wasn't having any of it, however.

"No Willie, I bagged that bed!"

Will sat up quickly, glaring at Davy furiously.

"You should have thought of that before you signed for one room, shouldn't you? Anyhow, I want to get some sleep. This is the only night we will all be able to sleep through, so I strongly suggest you shut it."

A murmur of agreement was heard from the other officers – well, they were mostly junior officers. Will had already told me about how little sleep junior officers were able to get, with their four hours on, four hours off routine. It was one of the (many) reasons Will was so happy as a senior officer – he had spent years with that awful routine, but now at least had a four on, eight off routine – more time for sleep, even with the extra duties.

"Willie, you can't just take someone's bed! I bagged it!"

Will climbed out of bed. "I seriously suggest you shut it and get into one of those other beds. You're disturbing Ada."

"Ada, Ada, Ada." Davy mimicked. "That's all you talk about – what will Mr Ismay have to say about that?"

"Shut up, Davy."

Will turned to get back into bed, but Davy spun him around and hit him square on the nose. I leapt out of bed as Will held his nose, trying in vain to stop the blood pouring out. Lights grabbed Davy and pulled him to one side.

"Do you want to be fired, you fool? You just hit your senior officer – what will Mr Ismay have to say about that?!"

Davy shrugged. "He took my bed. I bagged it."

The other officers were gawping at Will, whose nose was still pouring blood. I was trying to clean it up a bit with a handkerchief, but apparently in vain – it seemed it was broken. I threw a dirty look at Davy, while still trying to do something for Will.

"Don't worry about it, lovvie, I'll be fine. Just go back to sleep, I'll be fine."

He kept protesting, trying to push me away. I could tell from his face that he was in agony – well, it did seem that his nose was broken, so that was hardly a surprise. I led him over to the bed and sat him down.

"Keep your head up, darling."

Suddenly we both burst out laughing, remembering that time Will had managed to get himself into a brawl outside a public house in Dalbeattie. We had been in there with his brother, and a drunken man had tried to make me go home with him. Will had then decided we had been out for too long, and had led me to the door. Despite assurances that neither of us wanted trouble, the man had swung a punch at Will, sending him flying outside. Will had tried to fight back, but when the other man's drinking friends had appeared, we set off running – with them close on our tails. We spent the night sneaking around the backs of houses and other buildings, trying to avoid the group, until they became bored with the chase. By that point we weren't bothered about going home – it was dawn anyway.

Lights was looking at us like we had gone mad, while Harry Lowe came over to inspect Will's nose.

"Doesn't look broken."

"All I wanted was a good nights sleep!" Will gasped through his laughter.

The other officers seemed to have become bored of the scene now, the only exceptions being Lowe – who was holding a cleaner handkerchief to Will's nose – and Davy, who was still muttering about the bed.

"You should see the doctor in the morning though, Will." Lowe stated, as he stood up.

The bleeding seemed to have stopped at last, and I laid back down on the bed. Will looked at me ruefully.

"Lovvie, you shouldn't tease me like that – I can't lie down!"

We both started laughing again, and I sat back up beside him, rearranging the pillow so we could lean as we sat. Eventually we drifted off to sleep again, not waking until the morning.

* * *

April 3, 1912

Will woke fairly early the next morning, and gently shook me awake.

"Come on, lovvie," he whispered. "We'll get out of here before they wake up."

He opened the door carefully, making sure it didn't creak, then we slipped out and down the stairs. A young man was at the desk, and he looked at us suspiciously as we walked towards the door.

"Oi, what room were you two in?"

"Room twenty." Will replied.

"I don't recognise you. I gave that key to a group of officers."

"I am an officer."

"She's not."

"But she was with us."

He continued to look at us suspiciously, but Will spoke again quickly.

"Anyway, one of my colleagues – one of the other officers – he broke my nose last night, so when they come down can you give our bill to him? His name is Mr David Blair."

My eyes widened as I looked at Will. He wasn't being serious, was he?

"How do I know this 'Mr David Blair' will pay?"

"If he doesn't, send someone down to the RMS Titanic. You will get your money, I swear. If it comes to that, ask for Chief Officer William Murdoch. That's me. I will make sure you will get your money from him."

The man obviously didn't quite believe him, but he nodded reluctantly.

"Very well. Murdoch, you say? I'll remember that."

Will smiled and waved as we walked outside, my arm linked in his.

"Will, I really think you are mad."

"Ah yes, I must agree with you on that point, lovvie. But I know Davy will end up paying because it's his only way out – he did hit a senior officer."

"That's blackmail!"

"True. He won't mind though, really lovvie. Anyway, I think they all owe us for last night. Worst night I've spent in a long while."

"It wasn't that bad, Will. I liked being with you."

He leant down and kissed my nose.

* * *

"Mr Murdoch!"

Will turned at the sound of Mr Andrews' voice. He had an umbrella in his hand – it looked new. He ran over to us, with a smile on his face – which quickly faded at the sight of Will's nose.

"What on earth -"

Will looked confused, then touched his nose as he remembered.

"Ah...that's nothing, really."

"I don't know what to say, Mr Murdoch. I really don't. We've only been here for seven hours, and you've already been in a fight!"

"It wasn't a fight, Mr Andrews. Honestly. It's all sorted out now and-"

"It was one of the officers, wasn't it? Mr Murdoch, I have to ask one thing of you. Just one thing. Please don't do anything to disrupt Titanic's journey, and don't allow your fellow officers to cause disruption either."

Will nodded, smiling all the while. I was surprised Mr Andrews felt the need to say this at all – Will was the most professional man I had ever met, and I was sure the other officers were just as professional – otherwise they would not have been chosen to serve on Titanic. Still, Will _was _standing there with what looked like a broken nose.

Mr Andrews sighed and looked at me.

"You know, Miss Banks, I really do fear for this voyage if even the senior officers are getting up to mischief."

"There's no cause for worry, Mr Andrews," I smiled. "I will keep a close eye on Will for you."

"I fear that may not be enough," he sighed again. "I am more concerned about Mr Lightoller and Mr Blair. I must ask myself, what were they thinking when they hired both of them?"

"Come now, sir, Lights and Davy are perfectly capable officers!"

Even after last night Will was still intent on sticking up for the other officers.

"I'm sure they are perfectly capable, Mr Murdoch, and Lord knows they are all over qualified for this. If I can be frank with you," he scratched his head and frowned. "It's not their performance which concerns me. No, I know they would never do anything to disrupt the voyage. All the officers of Titanic are professional and trustworthy. It's how Mr Ismay will react to incidents between the officers which worries me."

Will was nodding in agreement. Mr Andrews continued.

"You see, I do not see any problem with minor rifts or," he looked at Will's nose again. "Or even incidents like this. I know this will not be allowed to get in the way of professionalism during the voyage. But if something like this happens again, Mr Ismay will see it as single-handedly destroying everything the White Star Line stands for. So please, Mr Murdoch, for my sake as much as your own, please do not let any incidents of this nature occur in the next few weeks."

Will nodded again. "I'll make sure of it, sir."

There was a brief pause, before Will spoke again.

"Was there something you wanted to say to me before, sir?"

"Please, Will, stop calling me sir when you're not on duty. There's no call for you to call me 'sir' anyway, I'm not your employer!"

"No, but I have been told it is customary for White Star Line staff to refer to passengers as 'sir', 'madam' or 'miss'."

"Well don't worry about that when you're off duty, Will! Anyhow, I was meaning to tell you that Mr Smith requests your presence as soon as possible. I ran into him earlier – apparently he hadn't expected you and Miss Ada to leave the ship." He paused. "I apologise, Miss Banks, I did not mean to -"

"Don't worry about it, Mr Andrews! Ada is fine." I smiled.

Will frowned slightly. "Did he say what he wanted?"

"No. Only that he does not wish for the other officers to be informed – only you."

I could see fear in Will's eyes as he tensed up. God, the captain wouldn't snatch Will's dream away from him, would he?

"Oh, and Will? I would clean that up before you go to see him."

Mr Andrews gestured to Will's nose with a small smile.

"Of course. Well...thank you for informing me, Mr Andrews. I hope we speak again soon -"

"Don't be ridiculous, Will. He won't be firing you. Don't worry about it. I must leave you now, though – I promised to write to Helen when we got to Southampton."

He waved an envelope at us as he walked away. Mr Andrews really seemed to be a perfect gentleman – he seemed so thoughtful and kind, and obviously friendly. I was almost surprised at the thought that someone like that could dedicate so much time to building ships when surely his family and friends would want him to stay with them all the time? Still, from what I had seen of him already, he was completely dedicated to his work. Just like Will.

I looked at Will in concern. He had an expression of pure worry on his face.

"Come on, Ada, I need to see the captain."

"Wait, Will – what about your nose? You will need to clean it up first."

"There's no time!"

"There is plenty of time! Look, we will just go to my room, alright? And then I'll clean you up, you can change into a clean shirt, then you can go to see the captain. Don't you think that will be better than turning up there looking like this?"

Will smiled unwillingly. "Are you saying you don't like my appearance?"

"No, you're perfect. I'm just not sure the captain will appreciate it."

I suddenly kissed him gently on the lips, a completely impulsive action. At least it helped him make up his mind.

"Very well. I'll do what you said."

He kissed my nose and we set off towards Titanic, our arms linked closely as before.

* * *

**_Just thought I'd add this little note at the end to thank everyone who has reviewed my story. I really do appreciate all the reviews I get, and I'm so glad you all seem to be enjoying this so far! I have quite a few chapters written up which I'm in the middle of editing (something went badly wrong with how I'm writing Ada's character along the way..she seems to have had a personality transplant behind my back, so I'm trying to fix that!), so I hope to get them up soon. I just hope the pacing is ok – please let me know if you think I'm dragging it out or even going too fast!_**


	8. Mr Blair and The Bill

I waited patiently in my room. It felt like I'd been there for hours – in reality I'd only be waiting for half an hour at most. It was strange – my stomach felt like it was tied in knots, and I wasn't even the one whose career was in danger! God, I hoped his career wasn't in danger.

Was it my fault? Maybe I had distracted him too much in Belfast? Maybe Mr Smith blamed me for what Lights said at lunch?

Thinking of lunch, I suddenly realised – I hadn't eaten since then. But I wasn't hungry – I just felt horribly tense and nervous for Will. Oh, I hoped he would be alright.

I tried to relax and read, but as soon as I managed to actually settle back without fidgeting Will burst into the room. He had a strange expression on his face – a mixture between relief and disappointment.

"What happened?"

"I...I've been bumped down to first officer."

"Oh, Will! No! Why?"

He sat down beside me and let out a sigh. "The captain wanted the chief officer from Olympic to transfer to Titanic."

"So you have worked with him before?"

"Yes."

"That's not so bad then, is it?"

"It is, lovvie. I'm not to tell any of the others about this yet, but that pushes Lights down too – and pushes Davy out. He was looking forward to this trip!"

"Well..." I really didn't know what to say. "When are the others going to find out?"

"I don't know." He bit his lip. "God, Lights isn't too fond of Wilde anyway. And Davy will blame me, lovvie. He will think I ratted him out to the captain, which led to him being bumped out."

"No he won't, Will. He'll know you already got your back, remember? The money for that room?"

As if on cue, a roar could be heard outside.

"William McMaster Murdoch! Get your sorry hide out here now!"

Will looked up at the sound of Davy's voice. I smiled.

"At least he's not hungover, Will."

Will grinned at that, before going to the door and gingerly opening it.

"Good morning, Mr Blair! And what can I do for you?"

"This gentleman," Davy gestured to the clerk from the hotel. "Tells me you didn't pay your bill."

"That is very true, Mr Blair. I must point out, however, that you did almost break my nose last night!"

"What the hell? What relevance does that have...?"

"Please, Mr Blair, there's a lady present!"

Davy scowled. "I apologise, Miss Banks. That's beside the point, Will. You know I don't get paid 'til we get to New York."

Will paused and reflected on this for a moment. "Surely you have some money?"

"No I do not, Will. In fact, I was _going _to ask you for a small loan which I'd pay you back when we got to America. How the he – sorry, how that works out now is beyond me."

"Very well, I will pay the man." Will grumbled, fumbling in his pockets. "How much, did you say?"

"He didn't." Davy muttered sarcastically.

"Five pounds."

"_Five pounds?!_" Will looked shocked. "I didn't even get to lie down last night! That's robbery, that is!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but that's including cleaning."

All three of us stared at him. Cleaning?

"Bloodstains on the eiderdown."

"Oh. Yes. Right. Well, I suppose that's down to me, Mr Blair?"

"It weren't coming out of my nose."

Will shot him a look, gave the man his money and went to close the door again. Davy stopped him.

"Look, Will, I apologise. I really shouldn't touch alcohol. I'm going to take a leaf out of Harry's book. Truly. I don't want this to come between us. I've been looking forward to this since I was told and I really don't want this coming between us..."

He was babbling. Will put him out of his misery by shaking his hand.

"No worries, Davy. We're all adults, right?"

He nodded, then turned on his heel and left. Will stared after him.

"God, Ada, he is going to be devastated when he finds out."

"Don't worry about it, Will. Maybe they'll change their minds and want him back – you never know."

He shook his head. "They won't."

A moment or so passed, with me sitting on my little couch and Will leaning on the door. He suddenly perked up, and grabbed my hand.

"No use moping in here though – do you want to see the sights?"

"What sights? It's Southampton!"

"We need to get in some practice, lovvie!" He kissed my nose. "You see, when we get to New York I intend to show you everything. Absolutely everything. So we need to practice our sight-seeing!"

I laughed as he pulled me outside. I wasn't sure there was anything I wanted to see in New York, but if it meant spending more time with Will, I was more than happy to oblige. Still – sight-seeing in Southampton? We had already seen on the way back earlier that morning that the sight most people wanted to see was Titanic.


	9. Stepping On Toes

9th April 1912

It was so hard to believe that we had been in Southampton for almost a week. It didn't seem that long since we had been in Dalbeattie – and I found myself pining for that time again.

It wasn't Will's fault. He was focusing most of his time and energy on Titanic – making sure everything was ready for the maiden voyage, trying to get men to work during the Easter holiday, making sure everyone knew what they should be doing. And he was still carrying the secret about Davy around with him. I was surprised – I would have thought he would have been informed well in advance. Still, it was early morning – there was still time for his dreams to be shattered, I thought dryly.

That didn't change the fact that I wasn't spending that much time with Will. Since we had wandered around Southampton "sight-seeing" the previous Wednesday, he had spent more time working than anything else. Still, it had given me this perfect opportunity to sit on the boat deck to watch Jim Moody and Harry Lowe perform a lifeboat drill.

"No, you fool – we lower at the same time!"

"You're going too bloody slowly, that's your problem!"

"Watch it – watch it! Will you slow down?"

"Will you speed it up a bit?"

"I swear, Jim, if you break this boat it's not coming out of my wages."

"It aint coming out of mine either, Harry – you're paid more than me!"

And so it went on, until they begrudgingly lowered at the same pace – which meant no more entertainment for me. It still amused me, however, that Jim and Harry (as they had asked me to call them a few days previous) kept bickering like schoolboys while they worked together, but still remained good friends. I had teased them about this on a similar occasion. Well, it wasn't exactly similar. Harry was watching Jim make the captain a cup of tea, and they started arguing over how the captain liked it. I had come to the conclusion that they were united in their dislike of having to make tea for the senior officers. "I'm a glorified steward" Harry had muttered on that day, and Jim had nodded furiously in agreement.

"Miss Banks?"

I frowned as I recognised the voice. Bruce Junior.

"Mr Ismay."

"May I sit with you?"

I looked away from Harry and Jim to look up at him.

"I do not wish to have a repeat of our last conversation."

"Miss Banks, I do not wish to upset you. I only wish to sit and talk."

I sighed reluctantly. "Only on the condition that you will not speak of my fiancé as you did before."

"I swear." He sat down. "How do you like the ship?"

"I think Mr Andrews has done a fine job."

"Are you looking forward to setting out tomorrow?"

"To be honest, no. The idea of spending a week or more on a ship full of strangers does not appeal to me."

"Ah, but you must know the staff quite well already. The passengers will be easy to get along with."

That was when I became conscious of the fact that he was edging towards me.

"Excuse me, Mr Ismay, can you please not come too close?"

"Too close?" He edged just that bit closer. I stood up.

"Excuse me, I need to have a word with Mr Moody."

"But Miss Banks -!"

I don't know why he made me feel so uncomfortable but he did. The way he kept edging closer, the fact that I had noticed on several occasions that his eyes would lock onto me. It wouldn't take much for Will to notice – I hoped he would notice. At least Lights could back me up regarding the unwanted attention. I stopped beside the boat and turned to Jim.

"What are you doing this for?"

"Second drill to make sure the davits work." He panted, pulling a rope tightly. "And of course Harry and I are blessed with the donkey work."

"Would you like to take over my position, Ada?" Harry asked. "I mean, it's mostly tea making after all."

"Are you suggesting that only women can make tea?" I smiled. "Besides, you know you love your work. Will told me how long it took you to get this far. You wouldn't go through all that for a job you detest."

"True, true." He was stopped by a yell from the bridge. "Hold up there, Jimbo, looks like we're needed elsewhere."

"How unfortunate," Jim chimed in, his tone of voice saying the opposite.

"We'll be leaving you for a minute, Ada, if you don't mind."

Not that it would have mattered if I did mind – they would have to leave anyway. I sighed and turned to see that Bruce Junior was gone. That was a blessing. I returned to my seat, just in time to hear a frustrated yell emerge from the bridge.

"Bleedin' hell, you're joking me!" A pause. "Sorry, sir, but -"

Oh God – Davy had just been told. Suddenly the officers were all coming back in my direction, Davy at their head, ranting about the news.

"I do all that bloody work, just to be told to clear out my cabin because some old sod is joining us! I wouldn't stand for it if I was you, lads! Clear out my cabin, the hell!"

Lights was walking close behind him, complaining just as loudly.

"It's that fool Wilde again – always gets my back up!"

Will and the other officers followed at a distance, gradually wandering back to their original duties as though nothing had happened. Will walked over to me.

"He was told, I take it?"

Will smiled slightly. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

Another man walked up behind Will, with an awkward expression on his face. He looked quite a bit older, although on reflection I decided that could just as easily be experience as age.

"Will?"

Will's expression froze before slowly turning to an expression of contempt. He turned.

"Mr Wilde."

"Please, Will, I didn't ask to be posted onto this ship. I don't want to be stepping on your toes – can't we make this voyage as painless as possible?"

"I'm sorry, but Davy -"

"Please, Will. It's hard enough having Charles at my throat like a blimmin' fox terrier again, without you turning on me as well."

Will's face softened slightly. "Very well, Henry."

A wave of relief crossed Wilde's face as I saw him visibly relax. His eyes shifted to meet mine.

"I'm sorry, I have awful manners." He looked at Will in expectation.

"Ada, this is our new chief officer, Henry Wilde. Henry, this is my fiancée, Miss Ada Banks."

"Fiancée?" He looked surprised. "Ah, is this the woman you met on that Australia jaunt recently?" Will nodded and Wilde smiled. "It is a pleasure to meet you at last. Heard all about you on Olympic -"

"Just go back to Olympic, why don't you?"

We turned to see Lights standing there. It was an oddly comical sight – he had the contents of his cabin in a box, with a scowl on his face. Wilde looked mortally wounded.

"I can't apologise enough, Charles. Please -"

"Can't be hearing it, sir!"

Lights pushed right past him. God – I had been on this ship for all this time and I'd never seen this side of Lights. I would never have imagined him to react in this way! Will had apparently expected this, and simply rolled his eyes.

"Lights – Lights!"

The younger officer reluctantly turned to look at Will.

"Lights, remember what Davy did last week?"

Lights grunted something in response.

"Well, for the sake of a pleasant voyage, I let it pass my by, didn't I?"

"You made him pay for your room!"

"I most certainly did not! Either way, I have no intention of bringing it up again. I wanted this trip to go nice and smoothly. There will be enough problems with a new ship without the officers at eachother's throats."

"Good grief, Will – you singing from Andrews' hymn sheet now?"

"Lights. You know I'm right."

He did, but he didn't want to admit it. Instead, he shrugged and glared at Wilde.

"I'll put up with him. That's all."

He turned and stormed off with his box in the direction of his new cabin. Will sighed and looked at Wilde.

"What's this with Davy?"

"Oh nothing. Just had a bit of a disagreement in a hotel last week."

Wilde looked like he wanted to persist, but seemed to think better of it. He looked at me again.

"Well, it is a real pleasure to meet you at last, Miss Banks."

"Please, call me Ada. All the other officers do."

"Ada." He smiled. "I hope Will is treating you well. He'd better not be paying you less attention than the ship!"

We all laughed, but the truth was that Will _was _paying the ship more attention. Far more attention. It was one of my biggest regrets about this voyage and it didn't look like it would improve. I was scared of meeting the first class passengers I would be spending the rest of the voyage with from tomorrow, and I pathetically wanted Will to hold my hand through every meal and every wander around the deck. I wanted Will by my side all the time, I wanted this more than anything.

"Sorry, lovvie, I need to have a word with Bartlett."

He and Wilde walked off towards the bridge, leaving me along again. I contemplated leaving there and then, but changed my mind on the grounds that Mr Andrews had been so kind in letting me stay in that suite. Besides, at least being on the ship meant that I would disembark with Will when we reached New York.


	10. The Departure of Mr David Blair

Although I feared that Davy would still be in a rage over Wilde, I felt obliged to accompany Will and the other officers who wanted to say goodbye. Lights seemed to be extremely cut up about it – Will pointed out to me that Lights and Davy had been good friends for years. I thought I caught a hint of jealousy in Will's voice, but somehow I just knew he wouldn't be petty enough to complain about their friendship at a time like this.

As it turned out, Davy seemed to have calmed down a bit by the time we all went to see him off. In fact, he seemed more cheerful than anything else.

"It don't bother me, chaps," he stated confidently. "I'll be getting a long rest while you're all working overtime getting this ship to New York early."

There was a murmur of approval at this comment.

"Want an exchange with me?" Jim asked brightly. "You make the tea while I swan around Southampton for a week or so?"

"No thanks, Jim! My days of making tea are long over – which is a blessing in itself." Davy sighed as he pulled his greatcoat on. "I would love to join you, I really would, but captains orders!"

"What? You're just going to go along with this without a fight?" Lights demanded.

"Lights, I do as my employer dictates. Besides, I believe I have managed to get my own back on those stuffed shirts of the grand White Star Line."

Will suddenly looked alarmed. "What did you do?"

"Nothing which will harm the reputation of the company, I can assure you of that, Willie-boy. Now, if you don't mind I would like a little space to gather my belongings."

"See you, Davy." Harry Lowe mumbled. The others repeated this, clapping him on the back. Will took my hand as we started to leave.

"Wait – Ada. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course." I looked up at Will. "Meet you outside?"

He nodded and kissed me on the nose, before waving his hand in a gesture of farewell to Davy. He closed the door behind him and I turned to David Blair in expectation.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

He was silent, and walked over to the window, gazing out at the open sea.

"Davy?"

"I'm sorry, Ada. This...I...you'll think me a fool for wanting to speak to you, of all people, about this."

"What?"

He turned to look at me.

"You're a woman, so it's easier for me to talk to you about this than the officers."

He was silent again, then exhaled deeply and spoke again.

"It meant a lot to me that I was chosen to serve on Titanic's maiden voyage. I have looked forward to this for months. Months! Only to have it taken away from me at the last minute!"

I watched his face crumple slightly. I felt awful – he hadn't done anything to deserve this. He breathed in deeply again before continuing.

"It just isn't fair."

I thought he was going to continue, but he didn't. He just stared blankly across the room. I felt awkward, still standing there, but then he looked at me, before gesturing for me to come closer. I shuffled across the room uneasily – I didn't know him particularly well. As far as I was concerned, he was another of Will's colleagues, one I didn't feel particularly drawn to.

I stood beside him, but he didn't speak. He just kept staring at the wall. Suddenly his shoulders shuddered and he choked something back. I impulsively put my arms around him to comfort him as he let out a shaky breath. I knew what he really wanted to do – to let it out, let everything out. But he couldn't. Not while he was still on the ship.

"There'll be other maiden voyages, Davy. What about the other Olympic class ship?"

"Who knows where I'll be by then, Ada? Who knows where any of us will be? It might never happen at all!"

"What about when Mr Wilde goes back to the Olympic?" I was clutching at straws.

"When the maiden voyage is over? After the other chaps have been praised for their work? Yes, I want to be on a ship which no one is interested in."

That was when he pulled away. I thought at first that he had turned on me, especially from the tone of voice he had just used. With one look at his saddened eyes, however, I could see he was grateful that I was there, however useless my attempts at comforting him were. I smiled at him.

"At least if there are any problems you won't be held accountable for them, Davy."

"True. There's one blessing." He paused. "Ada...thank you for listening. I mean it – I just needed to talk to someone who wouldn't make light of it."

"You're welcome, Davy. And if there's ever anything else..."

He shook my hand gratefully, before kissing my cheek. He opened the door, taking a deep breath.

"You can tell your fiancé I've had enough of his coffee and all!"

Will was standing outside, smoking. He looked at Davy in surprise.

"You told me you liked my coffee!"

"I had to, Willie, I had to. Jim and Harry refused to make it and the others had more sense."

Will looked hurt, but Davy laughed loudly and clapped him on the back.

"I'm only joking, Willie! When you get back to Southampton I'll be wanting your coffee again, have no fear!" He suddenly paused. "When's the wedding, if you don't mind my asking?"

Will and I exchanged looks, laughing. Will spoke.

"We haven't set a date yet. But, lovvie," he turned to me. "As soon as we get to New York, we will discuss it. I suppose we'll have to arrange the ceremony around the officers?"

"Of course!" Davy grinned. "And I expect an invitation to arrive shortly!"

He picked up his bag from the doorway and put his hat on his head. Will shook his hand before he turned to leave.

"Aren't you going to sing?" Davy asked, amused.

"Sing? What the hell?" Will was grinning.

Davy laughed again, and we followed him until he reached the gangway. The other officers were waiting there already, including Henry Wilde – although he stood apart from the others until Will stood by his side.

Davy shook each hand in turn, pausing at Wilde. A tension developed in those seconds, but Davy then took his hand.

"No 'ard feelings, Henry?"

Wilde's face broke into a grateful smile. "Thank you, David. I hope we get to work together next time."

Davy grinned at him, then looked around at the others. Lights was scowling at Wilde, but stopped when he realised all eyes were on him.

"I'll be seeing you all, lads! Drinks on me when you get back!" Davy drew all the attention back to himself with a cheerful promise.

"We'll be holding you to that promise, Davy!" Jim grinned.

"Not you, Jimbo. You're far too young."

Jim's face fell, "I am not!"

"Davy, Davy – he needs to drink to become real men like the rest of us!" Will grinned, clapping Jim on the back.

"Very well then. Jim, when you get back, Willie and I will see to it that you become a real man. Unlike Harry."

"Don't criticise Harry's attitude to the golden liquid, Davy!" Joe Boxhall laughed.

"I apologise, Harry. You will have water. On me."

"I bid thee all adieu, until we meet again and all that." He started shaking everyone's hands again. "Henry, Willie, Lights, Joe, Bert, Harry, Jim...Ada."

He turned and walked away, not looking back for even a second. I heard the officers mumbling amongst themselves about how impressive it was that Davy didn't seem to mind being pushed out – I smiled inwardly. I knew the truth. Davy was extremely cut up about it, but didn't want them knowing that the maiden voyage of Titanic meant so much to him.


	11. Setting Out

10th April, 1912

I woke with a start – there was so much noise outside. I had spent the night in my suite, and frankly could have done with another hour or so of sleep - mainly because Will had insisted on keeping me up all night laughing about Dalbeattie. I rubbed my eyes, feeling a twinge of guilt. I still couldn't believe I didn't want to talk about Dalbeattie anymore. God...I suddenly had an awful feeling – could my sister have been right? That this relationship was merely an infatuation with a dashing man in uniform who seemed to have an exciting life?

No. I pushed the thought away as I climbed out of bed and stumbled over to the washbasin to splash cold water on my face. Will and I had something more than that, so much more. In that case, I concluded, my disinterest in Dalbeattie was most likely due to boredom. I had spent so much time wishing I was there that the reality of the memories was long gone. Everytime Will mentioned it I idealised it – deliberately omitting the bad weather and frights from my mind.

I had just pulled a dress on when I heard a knock at the door. It was probably Will – telling me to hurry up and get something to eat, most likely. I sighed at the thought, and opened the door.

"Good morning, lovvie."

Will grinned as he presented me with a bunch of daffodils. They were beautiful.

"Oh...thank you, Will."

His grin faded at that, and he followed me inside.

"Ada, I've been meaning to ask you...are you ill?"

"No. Whatever gave you that idea?"

"I shouldn't have mentioned it really...it's just that...well, you've _changed _in the last few days. I thought there might be something wrong." He looked concerned.

"I'm sorry, Will. Really. I just..."

My voice trailed off as I placed the beautiful flowers in a delicate porcelain vase. I saw Will's shoulders sag in defeat out of the corner of my eye. He sighed and spoke again.

"It's no matter, Ada. Anyway, I just came to let you know that passengers have already started to board and, if you would like, the junior officers have offered to give you a first hand experience of their tasks."

"Making tea?" I laughed softly, then turned to face him. "Did you write to your sister?"

He looked surprised at the question. "Yes, I did."

"Ah. Good. She'll be pleased."

There was a silence. Not a pleasant silence, like the ones I was used to. It wasn't the sort of silence where I could lean my head on Will's chest and just listen to his heartbeat, feeling perfectly content. No, it was awkward. Will was the first to speak.

"I hired a maid for you."

His voice was suddenly dull. I felt a twinge of guilt.

"No, Will. No. I don't need a maid."

"You do need a maid, lovvie. You'll never get yourself into those dresses I bought you without a maid. There's a corset there and everything."

I sighed and looked at him. How did he manage to seem so _alert _after being awake since the early hours of the morning? I suddenly felt the need to find out if something _had _gone wrong - I moved towards him and kissed his lips. He seemed surprised, before smiling down at me.

"Ah lovvie, you do know I love you more than life itself, don't you?"

"I...I hope so."

"And no matter how little time I spend with you, you're always on my mind?"

I smiled and he kissed my nose, sending that familiar tingle down my spine. All my feelings for him surged back and I could hardly contain myself. Will stepped back and smiled.

"So do you want to spend the morning with Jim?"

"What about breakfast?"

"I'm fairly certain that he will have sandwiches nearby, lovvie. He always does."

* * *

Jim Moody spent the rest of the morning chattering to me between his duties. He was checking tickets and room numbers – because, as he said, Wilde didn't believe he knew the ship well enough. Apparently he and Lowe were laughed at by the other officers for not knowing the ship too well (although, he said, they _did_) - and so Jim had volunteered himself for this job to prove them wrong.

"Besides," he said. "When we launch I'll be up on deck."

"With Will?"

"Yes. Funny really – that it was supposed to be Lights. Does Will talk about it at all?"

"He's disappointed."

"Well he would be. He'd be mad to _not _be disappointed." A group of first class passengers crowded the doorway. "Yes, your rooms will be that way, sir."

I looked at him and laughed. "_That way_? That's not very helpful, is it?"

"No. But they can wander in that direction, get help from a steward and I'll still get credit."

I liked spending time with Jim. He was the youngest of the officers, and the complete opposite of his name. I had pointed it out to him, but Harry had contradicted me immediately. Which hadn't gone down too well - but at least that disagreement, like all of their disagreements, had been minor and short-lived.

I stood there with him for a couple of hours, my thoughts sometimes wandering back to Will, wondering what he would be doing. Something uninteresting, I reasoned. Why else would he want me to spend time down here?

"What time are we leaving, Jim?"

"Noon." He scratched his head. "I wish this lot would hurry up."

So it went on for the next couple of hours. Eventually Jim breathed a sigh of relief and signalled to some men on the dock.

"All passengers on board!" He yelled, handing me a clipboard, before unhooking the gangway from the door.

The men started pulling the gangway from the door, and Jim turned to me with a grin. I looked past him, as two young men came running up the gangway – which had already been moved far enough that they couldn't just step on board. Jim turned to them reluctantly when I pointed, and briefly glanced at their tickets.

"Have you been through the inspection queue?"

"Of course. Anyway, we don't have lice. We're Americans – both of us!"

Jim looked slightly skeptical, but then sighed, nodded and stepped aside.

"Right. Come aboard."

The two men jumped on board and barged through the other passengers, running – although it seemed strange they would start running around a ship they probably weren't familiar with. Jim and I went in the same direction, Jim grinning like a madman.

"Do you want to go up to wave?"

"Why?"

"I don't honestly know. Everyone does though. Besides, I have to go to find your fiancé before he has me fired. Those late passengers kept me...well, late."

We made our way back up on deck, and Jim left me there while he went to find Will. I sighed. I was bored already – I could tell now that any company I had previously found with the officers was going to vanish now that the voyage had started. They would always be on duty, and that left me with the first class passengers who were now surrounding me. I felt completely out of place in my plain dress compared to the women who were dressed up so nicely.

"Ada!"

I turned to see Lights running towards me.

"If you see Wilde, you did not see me pass this way."

"What the -"

He ran on before I could ask. Wasn't he supposed to be on duty? Of course he was – all the officers were. I frowned and wandered over to see if I could spot Will, ignoring all the cheering and waving.

"Miss Banks."

Wilde stood behind me, out of breath.

"Have you seen that bast-" he paused. "Sorry, have you seen Mr Lightoller pass this way?"

"No. Why?"

"That idiot has just informed me that Mr Blair has the lookout binoculars."

"But Mr Blair-"

"Exactly. Please excuse me, Miss Banks."

I watched him walk away, stifling a laugh. Will had decidingly laughed off the whispers of Davy's revenge – the revenge which, he had claimed, wouldn't harm the name of the White Star Line. He was right, after all – the missing binoculars would be a nuisance and he would make his feelings known, but without causing any real damage.

I wondered if Lights had told Will yet – still, now that Wilde knew it was only a matter of time before all the officers and other seamen did.

* * *

_**A/N – I just wanted to say thank you (again!) to the people who have reviewed so far. I admit I've been just a little bit distracted since I last updated – I went to see Star Trek, you see, and that got me watching TOS again. Which put this story to the back of my mind. Sorry about that! Anyway, until next time – live long and prosper (see what I did there?!)!**_


	12. Dinner For Two

That evening Titanic arrived in Cherbourg to pick up some more passengers. Will was off duty when they started to come aboard, and he arrived at my room to bring me to dinner.

"Come on, lovvie, you look absolutely beautiful."

He kissed my nose and smiled at me. I looked up at him, skeptical. I felt completely awkward – I had just been manoeuvred into a corset for the first time in my life and now felt unable to move freely. My maid, Lizzie, stood to the side admiringly.

"Really, miss, you look lovely."

I looked at her sadly. I still didn't feel entirely comfortable with having someone else dress me, but Will had insisted. I felt terrible – Lizzie and myself were both the same class and she felt obliged to treat me as someone better. Forcing a smile, I looked up at Will and took his arm as he offered it to me.

"I promise you, lovvie, you will enjoy yourself during this week. You will be telling everyone it's been the best week of your life when you see them again!"

I wasn't convinced that I would, but Will seemed so determined to raise my spirits that I just smiled and nodded at everything he said. We had been walking for what seemed like an hour when we heard an excited yell.

"Will Murdoch!"

We looked over to see a woman waving frantically. She had obviously just come on board, as she was in her furs and surrounded by luggage. She grinned widely as Will approached with a smile stretching across his face.

"Molly Brown! What a surprise to see you here!"

"Don't kid me, sonny – you knew I was coming! How do you like being chief?"

Will's smile faded slightly. "Er...I'm not chief anymore, Molly. Henry is."

"Henry? He's on the Olympic!"

"Not at the moment. Anyhow, I don't mind – I'm first officer."

She didn't believe him, but that was when she noticed me. Her grin spread across her face again.

"And who is your lady friend, Will?"

"Ah, this is my fiancée, Ada Banks. Ada, this is Molly Brown."

She shook my hand excitedly. "Fiancée? You're a lucky girl, Ada – most women would kill to get a man like Will." She grinned up at him. "I know I would!"

"Molly! What about your husband?" Will looked reproachful, with humour in his eyes.

"Excuse me, madam, do you require any assistance?"

A steward interrupted us, nodding to Will as a sign of recognition. Molly shook my hand again.

"Hope I see you around, Ada. You too, Will." She turned to the steward. "I wasn't about to wait all day for you, sonny!"

The steward looked taken aback as she bombarded him with luggage.

"Here, if you think you can manage."

Will led me away, smiling. I looked up at him.

"She seems nice."

"Nice? She's the only truly _authentic_ first class passenger I've ever encountered. Bar you, of course, lovvie."

* * *

We were lucky enough to eat our dinner alone at a small table, away from the other diners. I still didn't feel comfortable with the thought of eating with them. They were all so perfect, and I wasn't one of them.

Will had obviously decided to try and find out what was troubling me.

"Lovvie, I...it's not the crew is it?"

"No, Will. There is nothing wrong."

"There is. Ada, you have _changed _in the last few days. You used to be happy with the little things like daffodils and Dalbeattie...now you act as though you couldn't care less about any of those things."

"How can you say that, Will?"

He didn't respond. I felt like crying.

"Will, I am just nervous about this trip. I don't like ships and I don't like unfamiliar surroundings. You know that."

"Yes, I know that."

His voice was bitter.

"Will...I'm sorry I'm a burden to you." I grabbed his hand across the table.

"No, Ada, you're not. I just wish you would talk to me instead of making me worry about you."

"What time are you on duty?"

"Ten."

There was a silence between us. Will spoke first.

"I tell you what, why don't you finish that and then we can go for a walk on deck?"

"Why?" I had seen enough of that deck to last me a lifetime.

"Why not? For the fun of it!"

I tilted my head as I looked across at Will. He looked just like an excited schoolboy.

"Well, alright then," I smiled at him. "Another adventure in the dark?"

He nodded, grinning. "You know how you love adventures, Aid!"

"Aid?"

"It sounded endearing in my head," he was still grinning like a maniac. "Adventure?"

"Alright, then," I smiled. "Why not?"


	13. Plans For Lunch and Lights

11th April, 1912

A knock at my door woke me early the next morning. I fumbled around, dragging myself out of bed and pulling a dressing gown on. It couldn't be Will, could it? No – Will would be sleeping. He would be on duty again at ten, and I knew nothing would drag him out of his cabin until then.

I opened the door to reveal Bruce Junior. He was smiling, holding a single rose in his hand, which he presented to me.

"For you, Miss Banks."

He paused, but I didn't comment.

"I hope you're enjoying the journey so far, Miss Banks."

"Yes. It is better than I expected."

"Good, good. I must be frank, Miss Banks, I am here to ask you if you would like me to accompany you to lunch."

"Mr Ismay, it is not proper to propose such a thing to -"

"I am asking out of mere friendliness, Miss Banks."

"I do not think I will be taking lunch, Mr Ismay."

"Ah. Well, if you change your mind..."

He tipped his hat and walked away. I shut the door, frustrated. When would he leave me alone? That was part of the problem I was having with this voyage.

Will was insisting on asking what was bothering me, but I didn't feel comfortable citing Bruce Junior in a list – he was Will's employer's son! Besides, I knew Will would just shrug it off and tell me I was worrying about nothing.

I had just finished dressing, preparing to make my way to breakfast, when Will dropped in.

"Listen, lovvie, I ran into Mr Andrews earlier and he suggested that you have lunch with him while I'm on watch. I believe he's eating with Molly Brown, so you won't be among strangers."

He took my hands and kissed my knuckles lightly, then smiled at me.

"You know, lovvie, you get more beautiful every day."

"Will..."

"Yes, lovvie?"

I paused, on the brink of mentioning Bruce Junior. I shook my head and sighed – I couldn't do it.

"Nothing."

"If you're sure." He kissed my nose. "That walk on deck last night has done wonders!"

He winked at me and I blushed slightly. Blushing around my fiancé? What was the world coming to?

"Anyway, Mr Andrews will drop in to find you at around half twelve."

"What will you be doing?"

"Now? I'm on watch until two, remember? I'll be having a bite to eat in the mess." He looked down at me. "You're missing land, aren't you?"

"More than anything." I sighed.

"You've a long way to go yet, lovvie! But just think of it – disembarking, arm in arm, in New York – America, land of the free!"

"But not the land I want to stay in for too long!"

We laughed, before he turned to go.

"I'll find you when I finish my watch at two – don't go too far!"

He grinned and waved as he walked outside, leaving me on my own.

* * *

I hadn't been too sure what else I should do with my day – until lunch, that is. I was sick of walking on deck, but I needed some air. Hopefully I'd see someone I knew up there – anyone other than Bruce Junior, that is. I picked up a book, deciding to sit and read. May as well make use of the deckchairs.

It was a beautiful, clear day. There was a breeze of course, but it was still warm – I found this strangely odd. My sister had warned me about the cold air across the Atlantic Ocean, but I decided that the worst was yet to come. It didn't matter anyway, I thought, as I wandered up the first class promenade towards the bridge.

I stopped at the gate which prevented passengers from entering the crew area, considering – while the sign clearly stated that passengers were not to enter, I was sure the same rule wouldn't apply to me. After all, I practically felt like part of the crew after 'living' on Titanic for over a week. Then again, I argued, I might just get in their way.

As a compromise, I sat near the gate in front of the gymnasium. I could see Will from where I was sitting – he was gazing out ahead, and I could tell from his posture that he felt proud of the ship. Well, he should be – he had worked so hard since the beginning of April. Suddenly I saw Lights poke his head around the corner.

"Ada!"

"Morning, Lights. Still on the run from Henry?"

"No...he chewed me out over _that _already. Weren't even Davy's fault, you know. Anyway, come with me a minute."

He grabbed my hand, pulled me to my feet and hurried in the direction of the crew's mess. I was a bit confused – surely there would be no one there? And therefore nothing to see?

I was almost right. The mess was empty at first, and I just stared at Lights blankly. He had a huge grin on his face.

"Lights -"

"Shh! Just listen!"

I just looked at him, listening. But listening to what? I could hear Will in the background, calling an order to Jim.

"All ahead full, Mr Moody!"

"Very good, sir!"

Then nothing else, just miscellaneous ship noises. I looked at Lights, opening my mouth to ask when we heard footsteps approaching. The door flew open and Harry Lowe walked in. He glared at Lights, made some tea, and left.

"Come on!"

Lights grabbed my hand, ran outside and leaned around the corner. Harry was handing the tea to the captain, before returning in our direction. I suddenly noticed Lights' shoulders were shaking – it was obvious when I looked at him that he was trying to stifle his laughter. Poor Harry. He approached us and shook his head ruefully.

"I'm a glorified steward, I am!" He paused. "I hate you, Lights."

"How was I to know you'd _agree _to do it? The captain wanted tea and I didn't think you'd do it while Jim was standing there!"

"Apparently Jim has been told by a senior officer that he should stand up to me as I'm..." he paused for a moment. "What were his exact words again? Oh, yes. I'm 'the same rank as him anyway'!"

Lights couldn't control his laughter any longer, and creased up, trying to hide behind the corner. I could see the captain and Will turn to see what the noise was about, but they didn't see any of us. Harry tried to change the subject by talking about technical ship things – in between glaring at Lights, who sniggered through the entire conversation. I didn't really understand what was going on – apart from the fact that Lights was easily amused and obviously had too much time on his hands.

"I heard Will on the bridge just now," Harry was saying. "We're going at twenty one knots, apparently."

"Twenty one?" I asked. "Isn't that a bit fast?"

"Fast for what? The engines need to be tested and eased in, so..."

He continued to talk about the engines, but I wasn't listening. I didn't care anyway – I was just staring at Will's back as he remained on the bridge, standing proudly and staring off into the distance ahead of us. Towards our future.


	14. An Uncomfortable Lunch

"Miss Banks."

"Mr Andrews."

He smiled and offered me his arm, which I gladly took. Since leaving Lights and Harry to discuss how fast we were going, I had been wandering around with nothing to do and no one to talk to. At least I knew Mr Andrews.

We walked down to the Palm Court together in silence. Why was I being so shy? And why wasn't he breaking the silence? I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised he was making his way towards Molly Brown.

"Good afternoon, Molly." He smiled as she shook his hand eagerly.

"Ready for lunch, Thomas?" She noticed me. "Ada! Glad to see you joining us!"

I smiled at her appreciatively. At least I was genuinely wanted here, despite my worst fears. Mr Andrews pulled a chair out for me, then sat between Molly and myself. She said something to him and he laughed. Well, maybe I would still be excluded a bit – but at least Bruce Junior was nowhere to be seen. I smiled at that thought.

"Ah, Mr Andrews!"

We all looked up to see two women and a man standing a small distance away. Mr Andrews forced a smile and stood as the older woman smiled. She looked so...false.

"Ruth, Mr Hockley...Rose."

Molly grinned up at them, and I smiled timidly, hoping they wouldn't be joining us. They did – without invitation. Andrews introduced me to the newcomers, deciding to omit the part about my fiancé being an officer. I was surprised, but he whispered to me after he sat down that the older woman, Ruth DeWitt Bukater, would not appreciate me eating lunch with them if she knew - even though she had invaded our lunch rather than the other way around. We had all settled when another voice broke in.

"Mr Andrews!"

My heart sank as I raised my eyes to see the Ismays – Bruces Senior and Junior. Bruce Junior gave me a funny, questioning look. Mr Hockley invited them to join us – the cheek – and Junior took the opportunity to sit in the empty chair to my left. I edged closer to Mr Andrews, hoping he wouldn't notice. Bruce Junior started talking quietly to me.

"I thought you would not be eating lunch, Miss Banks."

"It turned out that my fiancé had already asked Mr Andrews to accompany me. I did not know, and when I found out I did not wish to mess him around anymore."

Ruth looked up as I spoke.

"You have an interesting accent, Miss Banks. May I inquire as to where you are from?"

"New Zealand, ma'am."

"Really? How extraordinary!" She paused. "And what brings you here?"

"I am travelling to New York to...collect some dresses. I am engaged to be married, you see, and I have to collect the dresses for the wedding." It was a lie, of course, but she accepted it.

The conversation then turned to her daughter, Rose, who was also engaged to be married, to Mr Hockley. I gazed at Rose for a moment – she seemed blank and uninterested, almost as though there was no love lost between the couple at all. Her eyes met mine suddenly, and I dropped my gaze. Mr Ismay started bragging about Titanic – I discreetly rolled my eyes. I didn't care. I had heard all about Titanic, and not much else, for the last week.

"She's the largest moving object ever made by the hand of man in all history. And our master shipbuilder, Mr Andrews here, designed her from the keel plates up."

There was a murmur of approval at this, and all eyes turned to Andrews. He instantly looked alarmed, then simply uncomfortable and tried to pass the attention back to Ismay.

"I may have knocked her together, but the idea was Mr Ismay's."

Attention was still focused on him – his plan had backfired. I pitied him. I hated being the centre of attention too, especially when surrounded by this sort of company. I watched as he fidgeted with his notebook, as though to distract their attention away from him.

"He envisioned a steamer so grand in scale and so luxurious in its appointments that its supremacy would never be challenged. And here she is -" He slapped the table to demonstrate his point. "Willed into solid reality!"

This was met by approval all round, and I smiled as I saw Andrews breathe a sigh of relief. He was such a lovely man – it just seemed to me that, like myself, he wasn't really one of these people. Almost as though he was only there because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do as builder of the ship. He was a worker, not a first class socialite.

I became aware of the stewards hovering around the table, taking orders. God, I wasn't hungry. I wouldn't know what to eat anyway! I gazed around for help, and felt absolutely mortified when my eyes met those of Bruce Junior.

"Would you care to meet me on deck after lunch, Miss Banks?"

"No, thank you."

"Come now – I'm sure your fiancé won't mind. He'll be happy to rest!"

"No, really. Mr Ismay, I am tired myself and would rather just read or...write to my sister than walk around that deck for the hundredth time!"

Our conversation was in hushed tones, which was just as well. It meant that Ruth DeWitt Bukater did not feel compelled to question me anymore, which I was certain she would do if she noticed me again. I was a newcomer, a stranger. As it was, however, she seemed to be distracted by her miserable daughter – I had missed the first part of their conversation because of Bruce Junior, but all eyes were on Rose and Mr Hockley when Molly chimed in.

"You gonna cut her meat too there, Cal?"

He looked somewhat embarrassed, until Molly thought up another question. There was no questioning this woman's genuine warmth and friendliness – but God, she could talk!

"Hey, who thought of the name Titanic? Was it you, Bruce?"

She grinned at Mr Ismay Senior. I fought the urge to roll my eyes again as he started up about the wonders of Titanic again. I would do anything to be able to have a normal conversation with Will – but no, I was stuck here with these rich, arrogant morons. With the exceptions of Molly and Andrews, of course. The DeWitt Bukaters unsettled me more than Bruce Junior – Ruth seemed cold and extremely judgemental, while Rose came across as being miserable and, frankly, spoilt. I just hoped I wouldn't be forced to spend the rest of the journey with them – and that Mr Hockley.

Ismay was talking all the while about Titanic – the ship of everyone's dreams but mine.

"...I wanted to convey sheer size. Size means stability, luxury and above all strength."

Rose had been watching him through this little speech, and spoke up when he finished. No one was prepared for what she came out with.

"Do you know of Doctor Freud, Mr Ismay? His ideas about the male preoccupation with size might be of particular interest to you."

I was shocked – not in a bad way, mind you. I had never expected any first class woman to come out with something like that. I suddenly became conscious that Mr Andrews was choking on his food – or, on closer inspection, it may have simply been stifled laughter. Or a combination of the two. Bruce Junior was scowling at Rose – but his father seemed to be completely blank. Rose stood up and left, leaving her mother to apologise. There was no need for apologies – Mr Ismay had no idea what Rose had been trying to say, while Molly, Andrews and I appreciated the dry humour _immensely._

A while later, Mr Hockley went to find his fiancé outside while the rest of our party finished our lunch. Thankfully the conversation steered clear of Titanic (and her sister ship, which the Ismays were all too keen to refer to) – I didn't think I could take much more of this ship. Ruth was busy talking about Rose's dresses for her upcoming wedding, when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see Will beaming down at me.

"Will!"

"Afternoon, lovvie."

"What are you doing here?"

"Just finished my own lunch, and I was on my way to take over from Lights again when I thought I'd take a detour to see how you were getting on."

I realised the rest of our party was watching us intently, Ruth especially. Andrews stood up quickly.

"Mrs DeWitt Bukater, might I introduce our first officer, Mr William Murdoch? Mr Murdoch, this is Mrs Ruth DeWitt Bukater. She is travelling with her daughter and her fiancé but they appear to be missing at the moment."

"Charmed, I'm sure."

But Ruth looked anything but charmed. After all, Will was _only_ the first officer – not really worthy of her attention. Still, she started staring at me, her eyes almost boring holes in my body.

Will obviously felt quite uncomfortable standing there, so he kissed my cheek and smiled.

"I'll find you at two, then."

"I'll probably be in my room."

"Well, 'til then, lovvie. I'd best be off – Lights won't be too pleased if I stop to socialise in here!" He smiled, then looked up at the rest of the party. "Molly, Mr Andrews. Sirs. And madam."

He tipped his hat to each individually, then walked away. Ruth looked at me and went in for the kill.

"Forgive me, Miss Banks, but how can one afford dresses from New York on an officer's salary?"

"It is not my fiancé's money, ma'am. My parents left me a small amount in their will and I thought it best to spend it on the wedding, so I can have a small part of them with me."

I caught a smile from everyone but Ruth, whose expression seemed frozen.

"And how did you come to meet this officer?"

"I was travelling to England from Australia a year or so ago. He was an officer on the ship I travelled on and, after I arrived, we started to write regularly to eachother."

"I have heard it said that seamen are not the type of men a respectable young woman would want to marry."

"That is merely a stereotype, ma'am. Will is most definitely a perfect gentleman and I would much rather marry a 'mere officer' like Will than a rich banker with the personality of a salmon."

"A salmon, you say?" Bruce Junior interrupted. "I quite like a good salmon!"

The conversation turned away from me again, and for once I was glad for Bruce Junior's presence.

* * *

_**A/N – Just thought I'd add one more chapter, for luck! I'll be flat out working on the next few chapters for a while, but please let me know what you think so far. I have heavily edited this and the previous chapter because of a lack of continuity in Ada's character (yeah, I suck), so any comments on the continuity, pacing or anything else will be greatly appreciated. Also, I think I should point out that the above scene actually takes place the next day in the movie.**_


	15. Sweet Anticipation

After my unfortunate experience at lunch, I didn't feel particularly compelled to leave my room again. That is, until Will turned up at two o'clock, beaming again. I was starting to feel oddly conspicuous – since the last night, Will had been constantly grinning, like a cat which had stolen the cream, as my mother would have said. I missed her.

"Aid, how utterly divine you look this afternoon!"

"Will, that name is never going to catch on!"

He looked momentarily hurt, before pulling me closer and kissing my nose.

"But lovvie, you _are _my aid!"

I giggled, "How long did it take you to think up that line?"

"All morning," he put his mouth close to my ear. "But I'm not just saying that, Ada. You are everything I need, you...you're my little Aid, who helps me through each day."

I felt myself go literally weak at the knees. "Is that the end of 'lovvie' then, Will?"

"Of course not!" He grinned. "If the men notice me calling you by a different name they might become suspicious!"

I felt myself blush again – what was happening to me? I could feel myself glowing inside. Nothing had ever been so perfect. Not for anyone, at any time, ever – I was sure of it.

"Will, don't you need to sleep at some point?"

"You know, that might be a good idea. Let's see...I'm on duty again at ten tonight. Tell you what, lovvie, I'll head up to catch some sleep now but you make sure to wake me by six."

"Six?" I laughed. "What on earth for?"

"Ah, I forget my manners. Miss Banks, would you be so kind as to allow me to escort you to dinner this evening?" He bowed towards me, waving his hand elaborately.

"I don't know...I've seen a couple of rather dashing young officers on the bridge."

"Who?" He looked mock-horrified.

"Oh, you know. That simply charming Harry Lowe, for one."

"You leave me no choice, Miss Banks. I shall have to throw them all overboard and steer this ship into New York by myself!"

"In that case, I shall be dining alone this evening! You can't eat if you're attached to the bridge!"

He looked at me and laughed. "You've caught me out there, lovvie. So, call me at six – don't forget!"

He kissed my nose before leaving my room. I could still feel myself glowing – every doubt from the past few days had vanished. Will and I were perfectly happy together, I could hardly contain my excitement at the thought of spending the rest of my life with him.

* * *

I didn't have anything to do for the rest of the afternoon, and intended to stay in my suite to write to my sister. Still, I had become somewhat restless and wasted an hour or so just organising everything – the notepaper wasn't straight, the daffodils weren't standing up in their vase and so on. I had just settled myself at the writing desk at half four when I was disturbed by a knock at the door. Thinking it would be Bruce Junior again, I decided to ignore it – until I heard Jim calling in a sing-song voice.

"I know you're in there, Ada!"

I jumped up and opened the door, revealing Jim leaning on the frame. He looked amused.

"May I come in?"

"Of course," I stepped to one side and he entered. I closed the door and turned to look at him. "Don't you have any work to do?"

"Not now, no. I'm off duty for a couple of hours. I should really be trying to sleep now, but you try sleeping in the middle of the afternoon with all that noise."

I laughed. "So you won't be tired on your watch?"

"Course I will be," he grinned. "But I can't help that now. Anyway, Ada, I need to ask you a question. Are you alright?"

"What?"

"Well...you seem withdrawn or something."

"Have you been talking to Will?"

"Yes, but not about you. I'm only asking as a friend."

He did seem concerned. I tilted my head, crossed my arms and looked at him. I could talk to him, without fear of him relaying everything to Will. He would tell me anything – he had already told me everything about how he felt about the reshuffle, the other officers and his duties. Surely if he could trust me to keep all that information to myself, I could trust him with the same? Besides, everyone needs to talk to somebody. I made my decision.

"If I tell you, will you promise not to tell Will?"

"Cross me heart," he said solemnly, doing the actions. "You can trust me."

"Well...do you know, I don't think I can tell you."

He looked confused, before his face lit up. "Oh my God, Ada – you aren't..." He gestured towards my stomach.

I was mortified. "No, Jim! No, no, no!"

"Then what?"

I sat down, gesturing for him to sit beside me. He did so, still looking at me with that concerned expression on his face. I took a deep breath before starting.

"It's Mr Ismay."

"Ismay?"

I nodded, "Well, his son."

"Junior?" His tone was laced with disbelief.

"Yes, Junior," I paused, fixing my gaze on the daffodils Will had presented me with the previous morning. "He always seems to be following me. Inviting me to lunch, to dinner – I'm expecting an invitation to breakfast fairly soon!"

"I'm sure he's just being friendly. The Ismays know you're travelling alone. Apart from Will, of course, but he's always working or sleeping."

"Jim, he told me that he's never met an officer who's worth the time of day. He has a horrible derogatory attitude towards Will – and he brought me a rose this morning!"

"So...you're saying you think he's trying to...uh...steal you away from Will?"

I nodded. He sighed and shook his head.

"To be honest, Ada, I don't think you need to worry about him. You'll only be on here for a week, and I hear that he is staying in New York. You'll be free on him on the way back."

"But he doesn't take no for an answer!"

"Have you mentioned this to Will?"

"Of course not! If I had, I would not have made you promise. I can't tell Will – he will do something rash and then regret it."

"I suppose," Jim nodded slowly. "Like I said, don't worry about it. As long as you always have someone to dine with – and there are plenty of officers who would love to dine with you! - he will eventually get the message."

I nodded forlornly, "If you're sure. I suppose I'm just worrying about nothing, as usual."

"Course I'm sure!"

"What time are you on watch?"

To be honest, I only wanted constant company. I knew that my asking every officer the same question made me seem obsessive, but I was just lonely. He sighed and looked across at the clock, which read as ten past five. I heard him groan.

"I'm on the first dog-watch...starting at six. Lord, I hate the dog-watches."

"They aren't that bad, are they?" I laughed.

"They are! Two hours on, two off and then back on. I won't be awake by the end!"

"You should have tried to get some sleep now then."

He looked at me and laughed. "You are right on that point. I have to go now though – I am gasping for some coffee."

I stood as he did, and walked over to open the door for him. "Oh, Jim, could you call Will before you go on watch? He is supposed to be coming to dinner this evening."

"Right-o, Ada. See you tomorrow, probably."

He winked and tipped his hat as he walked outside and wandered away. I sighed happily as I closed the door – despite my worrying about Bruce Junior, I couldn't help feeling positively elated. I had the perfect fiancé and companion in Will and a wonderful friend in Jim Moody. I rang for Lizzie, hardly caring about dressing or dinner – everything had fallen into place. I just couldn't wait to return to Southampton to start planning our wedding.


	16. Dinner Preparations

Lizzie tightened the corset, leaving me gasping for breath.

"Lizzie! Not so tight!"

"Are you sure, miss? See the difference?"

She pointed towards the mirror with her spare hand. After staring at my reflection for a moment, I had to admit that it _had _stripped some weight off. Or it seemed to have stripped it off – I couldn't help wondering what damage it was doing to my body.

"Well...alright then. It has made a difference, I suppose."

She finished tying it up, before stepping back admiringly. "Which dress tonight, miss?"

I turned and looked at the dresses which I had already pulled out in preparation. I couldn't decide between them – they were all so beautiful and elegant. Will would like any of them – after all, he chose them for me. It was just that they weren't made for someone like me. These dresses were made with beautiful, rich young women in mind – and while I would never consider myself unattractive, I wasn't like that. I was a working class woman from New Zealand who should really have married years ago and have two or three children at least by now. I was just relieved that no one had picked up on that fact already – I would be mortified if any of the women publicly questioned my marital status.

I made up my mind. "I think I'll wear the lavender one."

Lizzie's smile widened as she picked it up. "It's beautiful, miss!"

"Really, Lizzie, you must stop calling me 'miss'!"

"Now, miss, that wouldn't be proper!"

"Lizzie, please. Just call me Ada," I smiled, feeling extremely uncomfortable in my corset.

"Well...alright, miss. Ada," she giggled. "Here, I just need to pull this down here..."

Eventually the dress was on. I sighed and started rummaging for some jewellery.

"What about your hair, Ada?"

My hair. God, I was sick of this already. A whole lot of fuss over one meal! I sighed and sat down awkwardly, as Lizzie produced a comb. She spent the next ten minutes forcing my hair to stay in place, holding it down firmly with the comb and a little tiara.

"It's lovely, Lizzie," I stated as I continued my search for jewellery. It was true, everything was lovely – but I couldn't help feeling like a fraud.

"What about the little gold earrings?" Lizzie suggested brightly.

I pulled them out and clipped them in, then picked up my beautiful little locket that Will had given me the day he proposed. I smiled – it had been the perfect day. We had been writing to eachother since we met on board the Medic, and I had felt myself falling for him with every letter. Eventually I travelled back to England to meet him again. We spent a wonderful day in Liverpool, strolling by the sea and dining in a small, cosy inn. We didn't need mounds of money or anything like that – it had been simply perfect just talking. He walked me back to my hotel that evening, and that was when he asked me to marry him. He gave me the locket because, he said, he couldn't afford a ring I deserved. I laughed it off, telling him I didn't need a ring – I would treasure anything he gave me. Of course, the next week we went to Dalbeattie, where his mother insisted on me wearing her own engagement ring. I smiled at the memory – I had a beautiful ring and this locket, which contained a small portrait of Will. He said he would have another portrait done of me when we returned to Southampton – and then my locket would be complete.

I tried to fix it around my neck, but the corset restricted my movements. Lizzie hurried to fix the clasp for me, then she stepped back admiringly.

"You're beautiful, miss."

"Lizzie, it's Ada!"

I surveyed my reflection thoughtfully. Well, at least I looked decent. There was a knock at my door, and Lizzie ran to answer it. She was a lovely girl, if just a bit nervous and shy. Will walked in, in a spotless, pressed uniform. A grin spread across his face as soon as he saw me.

"Where's my fiancée?"

"Will! Be serious!"

"Serious? Lovvie, you really do get more beautiful every time I see you."

He stepped towards me, put his hands on my waist and kissed my nose. I laughed softly.

"Whose uniform did you steal, Will?"

"I didn't steal it! This, my darling, is my uniform which I keep for special occasions! Shall we go to dinner?"

I smiled and nodded, taking his arm which he offered to me.

* * *

"Now, lovvie, the trick here is to avoid anyone who might be influential in the White Star Line," Will whispered as we descended down the grand staircase. "If the Ismays see us, for instance, I will be forced to spend the evening describing the engines to everyone."

I laughed, and he glanced around the room.

"I think we're safe, lovvie. We should also avoid the captain and Mr Andrews."

"Avoid, Mr Murdoch?"

Will nearly jumped out of his skin, before turning to see Andrews. I started laughing – Andrews looked highly amused.

"I apologise, sir. I don't mean to infer that I would not like to dine with you personally. On the contrary, I fear that you may have to sit with certain passengers, and they are the ones I wish to avoid."

"Hm...so you intend to leave me to face them alone? I can't allow that to happen, I'm afraid."

"But sir!"

"Do you not want your lovely fiancée to experience the true wonders of first class?" He looked at me. "I must apologise, good evening Miss Ada."

"Good evening, Mr Andrews," I smiled in response.

Will tried to gently tug me away, but Andrews spoke too quickly for him.

"Mr Murdoch, would you and Miss Banks like to accompany me to dinner?"

Andrews winked at him mischievously, but Will did not look one bit amused. Andrews had spoken too loudly and refusing his offer would have seemed incredibly rude.

"Very well, Mr Andrews," he replied after a pause.

As soon as Andrews turned to lead the way, Will leant his head towards my ear.

"You think we should leave early, lovvie?"

"Now, Will, we don't know what it'll be like yet," I murmured reproachfully. "And besides, you told me I had to experience everything!"


	17. Frightfully Dull

Will pulled out a chair for me and I sat between him and Andrews. I gazed around at the people already seated - the Ismays, who had insisted that Andrews had to join them, Molly, Mr Hockley and his fiancée and Ruth. There were a couple of other people who I vaguely recognised, but I couldn't think of their names. I don't believe I had ever been introduced to them. The captain and Henry Wilde also joined our party after a while, and as soon as they were seated the waiters began to serve the food.

A waiter walked around the table, pouring champagne – I had never tasted it before, a fact which Will knew. As soon as the waiter finished pouring it into my glass, Will leant towards me, sniggering and whispering something about the bubbles. Another waiter started offering caviar; another thing I had never tried before.

"I wouldn't recommend it, lovvie," Will whispered in my ear. "Once Lights and myself thought we'd act rich and try some, and I swear it was the most horrible thing I've ever eaten!"

Still, I took some – and regretted it almost immediately. Will made a horrible attempt at disguising his laughter with a choking fit – which was quite an achievement, as he had consumed nothing on which one could choke. He then focused his attention on his hat which was placed on the table between us, fiddling with the emblem on the front. I think he was relieved that the captain and Henry had turned up. After all, his reason for wanting to avoid the present company was that he didn't want to spend the evening talking about the ship's engines, and so far attention had been diverted away from him.

I happened to look up at one point, after forcing myself to eat the rest of the caviar, to see Ruth DeWitt Bukater staring at me. She was looking down her nose at me, as though I were beneath her. I simply stared back – I didn't care what she thought about my engagement to a ship's officer. Her gaze faltered for a moment, and she turned to say something to Mr Hockley.

After glancing around the table again, I was pleased to notice that Bruce Junior wasn't looking in my direction at all. He probably didn't want to draw Will's attention to him, I reasoned.

"Lovvie?" I turned to look at Will as he spoke to me. "It's Jack's birthday today."

I just stared at him blankly, before asking, "Who's Jack?"

"You know Jack – the Marconi operator!"

I vaguely knew Jack then – very vaguely. I think I had been introduced to him in passing before we left Southampton, but I couldn't think which of the dozens of crew he was.

"Anyway, you want to come to the mess later?" Will continued. "We can leave here early and drop in to pester him."

He had a mischievous glint in his eyes, and I laughed lightly.

"If you think so, Will."

"I mean, lovvie, this isn't as bad as you expected it to be, is it?"

I shook my head. It was surprisingly pleasant, although I'd still rather be elsewhere.

"But it's boring," he continued. "So, we'll leave early?"

I nodded, before turning to poke a bit of meat around my plate. I wasn't entirely sure what it was – it was disguised by an odd-looking sauce and didn't look particularly appetising. Andrews leant over to me.

"Are you not hungry?" He was smiling as he spoke.

"I just prefer eating food which isn't so...fussy," I spoke quietly and sheepishly, not wanting to draw attention to my unrefined culinary preferences.

Andrews was about to respond, but luckily Ismay dragged him into another conversation about how wonderful the ship was. I rolled my eyes – I had heard more than enough about this ship to last me a lifetime. I took a mouthful of the meat, deciding to force my way through it. Well, it was surprisingly nice, although I still wasn't entirely sure what it _was_.

After another while, Will took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Now, lovvie?"

I nodded. I had finished most of my meal, we had avoided being put on the spot by other members of our party and I wanted to get out of there before anything negative could happen. Will stood to pull my chair out.

"If you'll excuse us, ladies and gentlemen, I must get ready for my watch," he smiled around, placing his hat on his head.

Henry opened his mouth to respond – his expression suggested his response would be something to do with the fact that Will wouldn't be on watch for another half an hour at least – but Will silenced him with a subtle glare.

"Will you not be joining us for a brandy, Mr Murdoch?" Ismay seemed surprised.

"Not tonight, I'm afraid," Will replied smoothly. "Are you ready, Ada?"

I nodded and took his arm and we walked away. As soon as we reached the grand staircase, Will stopped, spun me around and kissed my nose.

"One down, only five left, lovvie!" He used his fingers to demonstrate his point, waving one finger on his left hand and all five on the other.

"Five?" I sighed. "But they're so..._frightfully dull!_"

We exploded into a fit of laughter, trying to keep moving up the stairs to get completely out of earshot of the people still in the restaurant.

* * *

Once we got up to the boat deck, Will removed his hat and put it on my head at an angle.

"You'll need to pretend to be an officer while we're in the mess, lovvie."

"You'll ruin my hair, Will!" I protested through my laughter.

Will didn't listen and proceeded to lead me to the officers mess – surprisingly there wasn't much noise coming from inside.

"Are you sure there'll be anyone here, Will?"

"If there's not, we can go back to your room," he smiled. "There will be someone in here anyway. I made it my business to find out."

He opened the door, and he was indeed correct. Jim Moody was sitting at a table, propped up by the wall. He was obviously sound asleep. Two other men were sitting with him, playing a card game – one was Joe Boxhall, the fourth officer, and the other was a man I didn't recognise. They both glanced up briefly as we entered, before immediately continuing to focus their attention on their game.

"No hello, lads?" Will sounded disappointed.

"Bit busy at the moment, Will," Boxhall muttered. "Talk to Jim."

We looked at Jim, who obviously wouldn't be doing any talking at all. At least he wasn't snoring, I supposed.

"Damn!" Boxhall flung his cards down and scowled at the other man, who stubbed a cigarette out on the table. "You win again."

Will pulled a chair out for me, then sat to my right. "Jack, you remember Ada Banks?"

"Course I do!" The other man, who was obviously Jack Philips, shook my hand. "And 'ow are you, Ada?"

"I am fine, thank you," I smiled in response.

Jack gestured to my hat. "You get promoted?"

Will spoke before I could reply, "Jack, where's Bride?"

"He's still working. Poor sod – I don't know who told the passengers about our set, but I curse him to an early grave!"

Will clapped him on the back, "And how old are we today?"

"Not quite as old as you, William," Jack grimaced. "But still not as young as Bride. Or Jimmy, for that matter."

Everyone immediately looked at Jim, who was still asleep. Boxhall frowned, grabbed a hat and hit him with it. Jim jumped and yelled in shock, gazing around wildly.

"What's wrong with you?!" He grabbed the hat off Boxhall and started whacking him with it.

"What's wrong with me? Mate, I'm not the one who's sleeping when we have guests!"

Jim mumbled a greeting, still scowling at Boxhall, who was seemingly unfazed by this.

"Still no need to wake me up!"

"There is, Jim. We're back on in a quar'er of an hour," Boxhall looked down at his watch.

"We are not!" Jim protested loudly. "We're not back on 'til midnight!"

"Really?" Boxhall looked faux-stunned.

Jim was not amused, even less so as Jack burst out laughing.

"You're a bastard, Joe. I'm going to my cabin."

"I'll be calling you at twelve, Jim – you'd better be up and ready!" Boxhall winked as Jim stood up and stretched.

"What did you drag this lovely lady in here for, Will?" Jack asked suddenly.

"Purely to pester you, Jack. Actually, on reflection I should really walk you back to your room now, lovvie," Will sighed. "It's almost ten, isn't it?"

Boxhall nodded and Will's expression became glum, "Come on then, lovvie. I have to go back on watch."

* * *

Will stopped walking as soon as we reached my door.

"Do you want me to meet you for breakfast, Aid, or do you want Andrews or someone to meet you?"

"I...I think I'll eat in here, Will. I don't really feel like sitting through another meal with them."

"I'll meet you if you want -" Will began, but I cut him off.

"No, it's alright, Will. You'll need your sleep! I'll be fine, don't worry about it!"

He seemed like he wanted to protest again, but then just sighed and kissed my nose gently.

"You sure you don't want me to come down here when I finish, lovvie?" He asked softly.

I shook my head, "No, Will – what would the captain say?"

He laughed as I turned to open the door, before kissing my nose again.

"Well, if you're sure. Goodnight, lovvie."

I watched him walk back in the direction we came before sighing and turning to enter my room. I still needed to call Lizzie before I could think of going to sleep – first class women must be entirely dependent on their maids.


	18. Trailing Will

12th April 1912

I woke the next morning to the sound of someone knocking on my door. After a moment, during which I was completely confused about what was happening, I shook myself awake and rolled out of bed. I never seemed to wake up on my own anymore; someone always seemed to think it was a good idea to wake me by knocking.

I pulled a dressing gown over my nightdress, and stumbled out to the door – and opened it to reveal Bruce Junior. He was grinning and, yet again, holding a single red rose. I groaned out loud without thinking, and his face fell slightly.

"Please, Miss Banks! Would you care to accompany me to breakfast? Don't," he stopped me as soon as I opened my mouth. "Don't tell me you already have company. I was just on the bridge and overheard the first officer talking."

"Mr Ismay, I intend to eat breakfast alone, so if you don't mind..." I started to close the door.

"Miss Banks, I am asking you in complete earnest – please accompany me to breakfast."

I shook my head firmly, "No. No, Mr Ismay. It's not right for you to press me in this manner when you know perfectly well that I am engaged to be married."

He frowned slightly, then his face cleared. "Very well. I might see you at lunch then."

He pushed the rose into my hand before turning to leave. I shut the door and flung the rose down. Why wouldn't he leave me alone? I made up my mind there and then – I would have to tell Will. Maybe, if Will knew, Bruce Junior would start leaving me in peace.

I rang for Lizzie. I was tired of being dressed by someone else when I was perfectly capable of dressing myself. It made me think – why was I putting on this ridiculous show of having Lizzie dress me? I just shook my head sadly. Lizzie was being paid for this, and I didn't have the heart to tell Will to get rid of her.

* * *

Half an hour later, after rushing Lizzie and insisting that my appearance didn't matter, I decided I couldn't stomach any food. I just brushed my hair up into a loose bun, picked up a shawl and left to find Will.

He wasn't on the bridge. Lights greeted me, looking like he hadn't slept in days.

"Good morning, Miss Banks, how can we be of service?"

"Good morning, Lights. I'm just looking for Will."

"Ada, might I suggest that you develop a new interest?"

"Beg pardon?"

"I apologise, Ada...but you always seem to be trailing Will."

"Lights! I do not!"

He grinned and shrugged, "Sorry, Ada. You're quite right – you spend most of your time getting dressed!"

"That's hardly my fault!"

"True, I suppose. I spend most of my time sleeping and standing. Who am I to judge? Your fiancé is in his cabin, by the way."

"Thank you very much. We got there eventually!" I winked at him, before hurrying in the direction of Will's cabin.

It was surprisingly quiet around this part of the ship. Then again, it wasn't so surprising when I thought about it – most of the seamen were probably collapsed in their bunks with exhaustion, while the men who were forced to stay awake were propped up and barely conscious. Still, it wasn't fair of me to think of them like that. They were doing a wonderful job so far, considering their lack of sleep.

I arrived at Will's door and hesitated. I fixed my hair, straightened my dress and knocked lightly. I heard a muffled voice coming from inside.

"Will? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

The muffled voice replied again, and I could hear a loud rustling and thumping, before the door was opened. Will looked exhausted, and his uniform – which he had slept in, apparently – was completely dishevelled.

"What's wrong, Ada?"

I was taken aback, "Wrong?"

"There must be something wrong. Why else -"

"I just wanted to speak to you, darling," I smiled up at him.

He just stared for a minute, then stepped back, "Would you care to step inside, lovvie?"

I peered through the doorway, into the darkened room. It didn't look particularly comfortable at that moment – the blankets on the bunk were on the floor, and he could obviously do with opening the window for half an hour.

"Aren't you hungry, Will? We could walk to the mess if you'd like."

"Aye, just give us a minute!"

He retreated back inside and I could see him running a comb through his hair, perching his hat on top and straightening his uniform. When he had finished, he walked came back outside and closed his door behind him. He smiled down at me, kissed my nose and offered his arm to me. I took it and we walked towards the bridge. Lights was still standing there, gazing out ahead. Will tapped his shoulder.

"Would you like me to bring you some tea, Lights?"

"Tea?" Lights looked confused.

"Yes, tea. I am going to get some breakfast."

"Oh. Right. Well, in that case, if it's no trouble to you..."

"I'll have someone bring it out to you. I'll see you in an hour!" Will grinned, slapping Lights' back, and we continued to walk towards the mess.

Once we were inside, Will pulled out a chair for me, sat down himself and then looked at the menu. He rubbed the back of his head as he scanned the list.

"What would you like, lovvie? I think I will settle for porridge and tea."

"I would just like some tea, Will. I'm not too hungry."

He looked up in concern, opening his mouth to speak, but he stopped when a steward arrived and hovered beside the table.

"What are you 'avin', sir?"

"Two teas and a porridge, thank you," Will replied.

The steward nodded sharply and sauntered away. Will turned back to me.

"What's the matter, Aid?"

"Oh, it's really silly, Will. It's just...there is a man who is..." I trailed off.

"A man?" He raised an eyebrow. "Good Lord, Ada, you're not referring to one of the lads are you?"

"What? No! This man is bothering me, Will. He is always asking me to dine with him, he brings me roses...I told him about you and he is still persisting -"

Will laughed, "So you have an admirer, lovvie? Can't blame him, I must say. I feel quite flattered, to be honest. Who is it anyway?"

"Mr Ismay."

He froze for a moment, then spoke slowly, "Ismay? Mr Isamy is pestering you?"

"Yes. Well, to be specific, it is his son."

"Junior?" He scoffed. "He wouldn't dare! Not after..." He trailed off.

"After what?"

"It doesn't matter. Don't let him worry you, lovvie."

"But he does! He keeps sitting at our table for meals -"

"Would you rather eat in here?"

"I don't mind, really, Will. I know it sounds silly but as long as you're there..."

"Are you sure, lovvie? I don't want you doing anything you're uncomfortable with."

"I'm sure, darling," I smiled at him.

"Right then. We'll try eating in first class again," he took my hand and smiled. "You'll be alright."

The steward brought the breakfast at that moment, and we sat in pleasant silence until we had both finished.

"What will you be doing today, lovvie?"

I hadn't considered that. I thought about it.

"I expect I will spend some time in the library and maybe write to my sister."


	19. Another Thrilling Meal

That evening, Will arrived at my room to escort me to dinner. His uniform was newly pressed and he would have passed any inspection with flying colours – if only his hat had been on straight. It was tilted to the right, giving him an almost comical appearance. He swept his hat off his head and bowed as soon as I opened the door.

"Will, stop it!" I could see a couple of people stop and stare as they walked past.

"Why, lovvie? I thought you loved..." he suddenly stepped forward, put his hands on my waist and lifted me up. "Romance!"

He put me down and kissed my nose, before laughing and stepping back. I felt giddy as I looked up at him and smiled. The spell was broken when I heard a cry from Lizzie.

"Oh, miss, your hair!"

Will stepped back, looking ashamed. Lizzie held up a mirror for me and I groaned – my hair, which Lizzie had slaved over for the last half hour, had almost completely fallen out of place. Lizzie started fussing again, but Will intervened.

"I do apologise, Miss Lizzie, perhaps I can be of service?"

"You, sir?" Lizzie half-smiled. "Nonsense, you couldn't do a lady's hair! You're a man!"

Will seemed slightly taken aback at this, but it was short-lived.

"Yes, Miss Lizzie, I am a man. A man who has done his sister's hair on many occasions!"

He stepped in, gently pushing Lizzie out of the way. I sighed as he started sticking pins in.

"Will, are you certain you know what you're doing? I mustn't go to dinner if I don't look decent."

"Don't you worry your head about it, lovvie. This is one of my many secret talents! Peg used to tell me she'd never let me leave home because I was the only one who could do her hair right."

I sighed again. Peg. Will's elder sister, and the person he was closest to. When we were in Dalbeattie, I constantly felt jealous of their relationship. I almost felt as though Peg would always be the first woman in his life, despite the fact that he kept reassuring me that I would always be first in his mind. I knew that could never be true. Despite his best intentions, his family would naturally come first. At least, that was how I saw it. I knew I shouldn't doubt our relationship over something so petty, but I couldn't help it. The worst part was that I really liked Peg, which made me feel perfectly horrid whenever these thoughts crossed my mind.

"There we go!" Will exclaimed proudly.

I looked across at my reflection in the mirror and smiled. It was perfect. I turned to look up at Will.

"You do realise you're the most perfect man in the world, don't you?"

"I do my best," he replied, grinning broadly. "Wait, we have forgotten something important -" he slid a comb into my hair. "There. Perfection."

I stood up and kissed him gently on the lips, "I love you so much, Will."

* * *

Dinner was as uneventful as the day before. Mr Andrews ambushed us, grinning all the while, and Will groaned when we were loudly invited to join him for dinner again. I couldn't help but laugh at poor Will's discomfort – but he was in luck again. Lights bounded down the stairs towards us, apparently oblivious to the glares from the ladies who were passing by at the same time. Will grabbed his arm and gripped it tightly.

"Lights! What the _hell _are you doing here?"

"I gave Lowe my watch so I could join you and the exquisite Miss Banks for dinner!"

"You can't just _give _Lowe your watch!"

"He doesn't mind. I swear to the Lord above Will – he was more than happy to take it on my assurance that I would not ask him for tea or coffee for the rest of the voyage."

Will was about to respond, but he then noticed the stares and mutterings from the mini-audience which had gathered around the staircase. From the expressions on their faces, it was not usual for two men with 'mouths like sailors' to be bickering by the grand staircase. Will pulled Lights and myself to one side, where we huddled as they continued talking in hushed voices.

"And what do you plan on saying if Ismay or Smith are here tonight?"

Lights shrugged blithely, "I'll tell them that Wilde's on tonight. Honestly, Willie, there's no problem."

"There is, Lights! This watch is your responsibility! What if something happens?"

"Least they won't be blaming me then."

"Yes they will, Lights. What happens on your watch is down to you, especially if you leave your post while it happens."

Lights seemed to consider this, then shook his head. "Harry Lowe is perfectly capable of looking after this ship. Anyway, it's certainly not fair if you alone can wine and dine with the upper crust."

I took Will's arm again, trying to pull him away.

"Come on, darling, it's time to eat. Where is Mr Andrews?"

Lights straightened his uniform before following us as we walked faux-serenely into the dining saloon. Will sighted Andrews first, and we made a beeline for him. I heard Will breathe a sigh of relief when he realised that Andrews had chosen to sit with Molly Brown and the Ismays. Of course, neither of us wanted to dine with the Ismays, but at the very least the DuWitt-Bukaters were not there. They were sitting at the next table, the daughter looking rather beautiful, if more morose than usual. I pushed them to the back of my mind as Andrews pulled out a chair for me.

"Thank you, Mr Andrews," I smiled.

Andrews sat to my right again, Molly on his right. Will was on my left, Lights beside him and the two Ismays opposite. Will squeezed my hand tightly, glaring in a most unsubtle fashion at Bruce Junior. His father suddenly looked at Lights.

"Mr Lightoller? Are you not the officer of the watch this evening?"

Lights seemed to reflect on this question for a moment before replying, "I most certainly am, sir. I thought that Fifth Officer Lowe could do with a bit of experience with officer's duties."

"He _has_ had experience with the duties of an officer, Mr Lightoller," Ismay responded smoothly. "I would not employ an officer with no experience on the grandest ship in the world."

"In that case, sir," Lights retorted. "Surely he can manage one watch."

Ismay just looked at him coldly for a moment, before shaking his head and taking a drink.

* * *

The meal had gone fairly well. Bruce Junior had avoided meeting my gaze on several occasions – I couldn't help looking over and wondering what was going through his head. He puzzled me; I kept wondering what would possess a gentleman to behave in such a way towards a woman who was soon to be married. Still, my mind had been taken off him by Andrews, who seemed determined to keep me in conversation. I didn't mind – I enjoyed his company. He was such a wonderful, intelligent man, and to top it off I loved his accent. Molly would interject every so often, but she and Lights were spending most of the meal talking across the table to eachother.

"Mr Murdoch?"

We all turned and looked up at one of the sailors. I didn't recognise him, but that point was far from my mind – he was out of breath and almost seemed panicked.

"Yes?" Will asked, with a worried tone.

"The master at arms requires your assistance, sir."

"Now?"

"He says it's urgent. Bit of an incident on deck, sir."

Will looked back at me then up at the sailor again, a frown forming on his forehead. Lights offered his assistance.

"Don't worry about Ada, Will. I'll make sure she's alright."

I nodded, "I'll be fine, Will. You go on."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. You'll come and see me later though, won't you?"

Will nodded, squeezed my hand and stood up.

"I hope you'll excuse me, ladies and gentlemen."

He leant down and whispered something to Lights before following the sailer out of the dining room. Lights leant over to me, across the empty seat – met by frowns from the Ismays, of course – and whispered.

"Will says to keep you away from Junior?"

I nodded, "I'll explain later."

"That's alright," he smiled, then sat back up. Unluckily for him, he immediately caught Ismay Senior's gaze.

"Mr Lightoller, it seems that you were incorrect in assuming that Mr Lowe could handle the duties of a senior officer with only one spare junior officer on watch with him."

"I hardly think so, sir. They wouldn't call the Master at Arms to do an officer's duties. It's most likely another matter entirely."

_**A/N – this is just another note to again thank the people who have reviewed so far. I haven't had much time for writing in the last week or so, but I will hopefully find more time this coming week to have another chapter up. Finally, I must thank everyone who has read this far – you all have the patience of saints, especially considering the length so far and the fact that not a lot has happened yet. I promise that the plot will start moving quicker from the next chapter – I have been building up to the next chapter for quite some time (since the beginning, of course), so hopefully it will live up to my expectations! As always, reviews are much appreciated and I just hope that people are enjoying it so far. ~Phil**_


	20. A Nightmare

We finished our meal almost in silence, which wasn't entirely unpleasant. I didn't want to talk, not now that Will was gone – it would only draw Bruce Junior's attention to me. That, of course, was something I most certainly did _not _want.

When the meal was finished, the men stood up. Lights hovered awkwardly for a moment, as Mr Andrews and the Ismays prepared to move on to the smoking room for brandy. Molly and myself stayed sitting – Molly said she was staying to talk to the other ladies, while I just felt a little bit lost. I didn't know whether to go or stay, but luckily Lights intervened.

"Would you like me to escort you back to your room, Ada?"

I hesitated before replying, "No, thank you. I'll just stay here for a while."

I didn't want to, but at the same time I didn't want anyone going out of their way for me. Still, Lights persisted – he obviously felt he was duty-bound to look after me.

"I don't mind walking you back. I have to go to the bridge, it's not really out of my way."

"No, Lights, I'm fine. Honestly."

He immediately sat in the chair Will had vacated, and took my hands with a smile playing on his lips.

"Ada, Ada, Ada. I'm not stupid. I'm married, you know, and I have come to learn that everytime Sylvie says she's fine, she means the exact opposite!"

His attitude, with no elaborate gestures or refinement of language, was oddly refreshing and I couldn't help but smile.

"Now, really, Lights. That is most illogical!"

"True, but women aren't logical."

"I don't really know how to counter that assertion," I laughed.

We both looked up suddenly, both realising that someone was standing over us. Bruce Junior.

"Excuse me, Mr Lightoller, but my father thinks you must have duties to attend to."

"Certainly, Mr Ismay. As soon as Ada's back safely in her room."

"I'll make sure of that. There's no need for you to be held back from your duties."

"My apologies, Mr Ismay, but I told Mr Murdoch that I would personally see her to her room."

"Good grief, man!" Bruce Senior interrupted. "Surely Mr Murdoch won't lose sleep over my son escorting his fiancée?"

Lights looked from me to the Ismays, hesitantly. I nodded reluctantly.

"You have a job to do, Lights. Don't worry about me," I forced myself to smile, hoping to assure him that I was not worried.

He hesitated again, then sighed, "Very well. I'm sure Will will be down to see you when he finishes tonight." I caught a slight smile from him mid-sentence, as soon as he said 'will' twice.

Bruce Junior offered me his arm, and so I reluctantly stood and took it with a false smile. I couldn't stand this man, his attitude was...well...creepy, to say the very least. I just wished Will had stayed behind to walk me back, all the time knowing full well that wishing wouldn't help at all.

* * *

"That was a splendid spread, Miss Banks, don't you think?" He suddenly broke the silence. Well, he needed to. We had been silent for the last five minutes.

"I can't say I agree, Mr Ismay," I replied blandly. More silence.

"You are enjoying the trip, are you not?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I am," my tone was dull. "I will be sorry when it's over."

He stopped and looked at me. "I somehow find that very hard to believe, Miss Banks. You certainly don't sound as though you're enjoying it."

"It's a wonderful ship -" I began, my tone of voice not changing.

"Yes, yes, yes! I am tired of having people say how utterly wonderful this damn ship is! I am not interested in the ship!"

"In that case, Mr Ismay, you shall have a problem or two when you come to inherit your father's company."

"I have no need to be interested in ships to run the company, Miss Banks," he continued to walk as he spoke. "As long as I make a profit, I couldn't give a damn about ships. Damn useless things, they are. The future is not in ships, Miss Banks."

I rolled my eyes. I really was not interested in what he had to say. Frankly, I felt the same way about ships – horrible, beastly steel bathtubs. They were a cruel necessity in my life, and that was all. That and the fact that he had just starting swearing as if there wasn't a lady present. I disliked him more with every passing moment.

"Your room, Miss Banks. Do you have your key?"

"Of course," I replied, stopping and inserting the key into the lock. The door opened and I turned to Bruce Junior again. "Thank you for walking with me, Mr Ismay."

"The pleasure was all mine," he replied, a strange smile spreading across his face. I frowned slightly, but I didn't care. I was tired and all I wanted to do was sleep until Will arrived.

I turned to walk inside when Bruce grabbed my arm, pulling me forcefully towards him. He started kissing my neck as I struggled, but I managed to free my arm and slap him.

"How dare you? What kind of a gentleman are you?" I hissed, pulling away from him.

"Miss Banks, I am tired of you constantly avoiding me. I have made my intentions quite clear, and I do not intend to lose. I never do, you see," he sneered, stepping towards me. I took a step back, heading into my room. He lunged forward and grabbed my arms again. "I always want to make a profit. In a way, this is a profit."

He released one of my arms for a few seconds, only so he could slam the door shut behind him. I tried to break free but I just couldn't – and this ridiculous outfit didn't help matters. I could feel a panic rising inside me again, but I didn't want him to see it. I couldn't give him that satisfaction.

"You're making a mistake, Mr Ismay. My fiancé will be back soon!"

"I'm not an idiot. He won't be back until some time after two. There is _plenty _of time!"

He started pushing me roughly ahead of him towards the bedroom. I felt sick – he couldn't be serious, could he?

"Don't you worry, Miss Banks. I would never hurt a lady!" He was smirking now, as he shut the bedroom door behind him.

I just stood there and folded my arms defiantly. No, I wouldn't make this easy for him. I was surprised to find myself actually thinking about what I was doing – I would never have imagined that I would try to stop something like this. Well, I had never seriously imagined this situation before. Anytime it had briefly crossed my mine, I had thought of myself meekly giving in. What I _was _doing wasn't exactly putting up a fight, but as long as I showed him that I wasn't scared, even though all I wanted to do was cower away in Will's arms.

"Please co-operate, Miss Banks," he stepped towards me and pushed me towards the bed.

That was the moment that I lost all strength that I had managed to muster. I had felt almost proud of myself up until that moment, but as soon as I felt his breath on my skin I just felt horribly sick, and could only think of blocking the entire incident from my mind.


	21. Lost My Way

13th April 1912

_I was on the ship with my parents and sister, standing by the railing, waving goodbye to my grandparents on the Sydney docks. My father took my hand as I stood up on the railings and held me up so I could see. It was beautiful._

_The scene changed. I was standing on deck with my sister, staring in horror as the lifeboats began to be filled. Someone pushed us into a boat, when I realised that our parents were missing. I called for them, but there was no answer. My sister pointed and shouted something. I looked and saw them there, staring straight at us, unresponsive. I tried to climb out to get them to join us, but my sister pulled me down._

_"It's too late, Ada. Too late. Too late. Too late, Ada."_

I woke up with a fright at the sound of someone at the door – again. Except this time I realised it was Will's voice calling to me.

"Ada? Ada?" He almost sounded frantic.

I slowly started to climb out of bed, when I caught sight of my dress on the floor, where Bruce Junior had flung it. The beautiful sky-blue dress which Will had bought me...ruined. I could see the tears through it. I gathered it up and stuffed it under my pillow, suddenly noticed the comb which was lying on the bed. The comb Will had placed in my hair. The comb that man had torn out only a few hours ago.

I crumpled to the floor in floods of tears. I was pathetic, useless. I couldn't even stop that man, that beast who tried to pass as a gentleman, from doing whatever he pleased. As if that was not bad enough, I knew that the one thing I wanted to keep for Will and Will alone was now ruined. Oh yes, Will and I had been closer than ever before since we boarded Titanic. But that didn't change the fact that now another man had...I couldn't bear to think about it.

"Ada? Are you awake?"

I had to get rid of him. I stumbled out through the darkness to the door, but I didn't open it.

"Will, I'm tired."

"So am I, Ada," he sounded relieved. "I just wanted to make sure Lights took care of you."

"Yes."

"Aren't you going to let me in?"

"No, Will. Please just go!" I could feel the tears returning.

"Are you crying, lovvie?"

"No, I'm not. I'm just tired."

"Ada, just open the door. I can get a spare key if you don't."

I had to do it. I pulled open the door and peered out at him.

"I'm fine, Will. Honestly. I just want to sleep."

"You are certainly not fine, lovvie. You've been crying!" He stepped inside and turned the light on.

"I just had a bad dream, that's all," I replied. At least that was some of the truth. I had no intention of revealing the rest.

He didn't believe me, I could see it in his face. I looked down at the floor, suddenly realising that I felt dirty. I couldn't look at him, not anymore. I felt his fingers on my chin as he tilted my face up.

"What is wrong, lovvie?"

"God, will you stop calling me that? I'm sick of being spoken to like that!"

He dropped his hand, obviously taken aback by my outburst. _I _was taken aback by my outburst. Obviously I had started down the route of saying horrid, cruel things I didn't mean. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself.

"I'm sorry, Ada, I thought..." his voice trailed off. "So Lights looked after you?"

"Why did they call you away?" I demanded suddenly.

He just looked at me, sighed and replied, "It was a girl from first class who was violated. Apparently. Turns out she just slipped and the young man saved her, but I was called away because they thought he had..." he trailed off yet again. "Lights _did _look after you, didn't he?"

"Please go, Will."

I held the door open for him and he slowly walked out, looking utterly defeated.

"What about breakfast, Ada?"

"I don't really care, Will. I just want to sleep."

* * *

Lizzie shook me awake late that morning. As soon as I woke, I realised that Will had spoken to her – she was looking at me curiously, trying to work out what was wrong. I ignored her, deciding to dress myself in the clothes which I had brought myself. I couldn't bear the thought of getting dressed up for anything, not now.

"Are you sure you're alright, miss? Officer Murdoch tells me you were upset and crying last night."

At least she wasn't trying to hide her intentions as she stood in the doorway, watching me dress myself.

"I am quite fine, Lizzie, but I am not in the mood to be pestered by anyone."

"Yes, miss. Are you going out for lunch?"

"I shall have some tea, I think. I don't think I could stomach any food today."

She nodded and left the room. I looked down at the dressing table, catching sight of my locket. Bruce had broken the chain.

* * *

"Ada!"

Damn. Will had caught sight of me from the bridge and he ran towards me.

"Not now, Will."

"Yes now, Ada. What happened last night? And please don't lie to me this time!"

"Nothing. I promise you, Will. Nothing happened."

"If you don't tell me, I will drag it out of Lights."

"No, I really don't think you will. You have a job to do, don't you?"

He looked hurt and I felt terrible, but I couldn't bring myself to change my mind about the incident. I would keep it to myself, no one would ever know and the only problem was that I would have to cut Will out of my life.

"Ada, I wish you would speak to me. Please."

"Very well. I will speak to you this evening."

"At dinner?" He frowned at the thought.

"No. I have no intention of dining with those men again. Come to my room and we can decide then."

He didn't want to agree to this. I knew he only wanted to speak now, but I was suddenly feeling extremely self-conscious. So many people were walking by, muttering about my choice of outfit. They were all so shallow – anything could be wrong, and all they cared about was my stupid dress.

"If that's what you really want, Ada. I want to get to the bottom of this."

He squeezed my hand before walking away. I suddenly felt horribly sick again – I couldn't even face drinking tea with those people. No, I would just go back to my room and see what I felt like then.

* * *

_**A/N – I have been putting off writing for the last little while, but I forced myself to get this out today. 'Forced' is a bit strong, actually. I enjoyed writing it, but I've been distracted by Blackadder and Neopets, so I kept putting it off. That and my darned hayfever which is really starting to irritate me. :3 Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!**_


	22. Molly & Jim

I was disturbed from my thoughts by a loud knock at the door. It couldn't be Will yet – I crept softly towards the door, hoping to work out who it was before opening it. Luckily it didn't take too long.

"Ada? You in there?"

Molly Brown. What did she want? Will wouldn't have sent her down here – would he? I opened the door softly, sticking my head around to look at Molly. She had a concerned expression on her face – Will _had_ sent her here.

"Good afternoon, Mrs Brown. Can I help you with anything?"

"It's Molly, Ada, Molly! Will tells me you aren't feeling yourself today."

She stepped inside with no invitation. I frowned, still holding the door open. I was determined not to lose _this _battle.

"I am quite alright, Mrs..Molly. Will has no right to talk about me to other people."

"Are you sure, darlin'?" She didn't believe me.

"Quite sure," I replied firmly. "I just need some rest. Alone."

"No, I won't be having that. You're coming with me."

"What?"

"It's not good for you to hide away in here all the time. What you need is some tea."

She kept talking as she pulled me, gently but firmly, outside. I glared at her as she closed the door behind us, before looking at me with a smile across her face.

"Don't feel like that, darlin'. I'm just looking out for you like I was asked."

* * *

I followed Molly Brown into the first class reception room, feeling ever more out of place in my outfit. Molly kept turning her head and smiling at me, but I wasn't having it. I just wanted to hide away in my room – what had possessed me to let her in?

Oh, good grief – Molly was making a beeline for a table near the window, currently occupied by Ruth DeWitt-Bukater and two other women. She couldn't be serious – dragging me out of my room to drink tea with these women? They didn't even like her! I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when I saw them stand up, just before we arrived. This didn't deter Molly, however.

"Hello, girls! I was hoping I'd catch you at tea!"

"We're awfully sorry, you missed it," Ruth replied smoothly. She didn't look sorry at all. "The countess and I were just off to take the air on the boat deck."

"What a lovely idea! I need to catch up on my gossip!"

Ruth seemed somewhat put out by this announcement, but the other women greeted Molly and myself politely. Molly grabbed my wrist and pulled me around.

"You look like you could do with some air, Ada," she whispered, smiling all the while.

I didn't care by this point. Molly meant well, I knew that – I just wanted to get this all over with so I could go back to sleep. We followed the other women, and happened to walk past another table where Captain Smith was sitting with the Ismays.

"Good afternoon, Ada!" Smith greeted me with a smile.

I forced myself to smile in response, before catching Bruce Junior's stare. I could almost feel my heart sinking. I felt sick again, and pulled at Molly's arm anxiously.

"Molly, I really do want to go back to my room. Please!"

She stopped and looked at me. I knew I was close to tears, and she could probably see it.

"Go on, darlin'. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not you, Molly, really. I'm just...I'm just tired."

"Sure, do you want me to walk you back?"

I shook my head, forcing a smile. The last thing I needed was to have Molly hovering over me in my room. I just needed space to breathe.

* * *

I had just turned the key in the lock of my door when I heard a yell from down the corridor. I turned to see Jim Moody running towards me.

"Ada! Glad I caught you!"

"What do you want?"

"That's a fine way to greet a friend! I'll overlook it. Just this once."

I didn't reply, I just looked at him. He sighed and shrugged.

"Well can I come in? Just for a minute?"

I didn't want him to, but...I could do with talking to someone for a while.

"Just for a minute, then. I'm very tired."

I walked inside and he followed me, gently closing the door behind him. I turned to look at him, folding my arms as I did so. He shuffled his feet, gazing at the floor.

"Why don't we sit?" He asked eventually, gesturing towards the couch.

I shrugged, but sat down anyway. He sat beside me, silent for a few minutes, before speaking.

"Ada, I heard Will talking about you this morning."

"Will has been spreading my private business amongst the officers?"

"No, no – he was mentioning to Lights that you seemed very upset for some reason. I just wanted to find out...well, I wanted to know if you are alright?"

"Again? Jim, I don't need a nanny!"

"I'm not trying to be, Ada. I'm trying to be a friend. That's all."

"In that case, I can safely reveal to you that no, I'm not _alright_. Far from it, actually!"

"Oh..." he paused, remaining silent for a short while. "So what's wrong?"

"Can you please leave now? I'm very tired -" I started to get to my feet, but Jim grabbed my elbow, pulling me back down firmly but gently.

"No, Ada. I can't do that. Look, you can tell me anything and I swear I won't breathe a word of it to anyone. Not even Will. You can trust me, truly – I didn't mention the Ismay thing, did I?"

He had a point. As far as I knew, he had kept that a secret. Maybe I could trust him with this horrible secret too.

"I will tell you if, and only if, you swear never to breathe a word of it to anyone. Especially Will."

"You can count on me, Ada," he smiled reassuringly.

"Well, last night Will had to leave dinner early," I began. "Before he left he asked Lights to look after me. And Lights did his best, but Mr Ismay -"

"Sorry," Jim interrupted. "Is this Junior?"

"Yes, Junior. Anyhow, he said he would escort me to my room. Lights didn't want him to, because of what Will said, but he felt he had to because Mr Ismay is his employer, you know?"

Jim nodded, then frowned, "But wait – Lights told Will that he had personally made sure you were in your room."

"I don't know anything about that. When we got to the room, he forced me in and he...he..."

My lip began to tremble and I could feel tears start welling up in my eyes. Jim pulled me towards him gently.

"It's alright, Ada, don't cry. Don't cry."

I took a deep breath and pulled away. Jim handed me his handkerchief and I dabbed at my eyes with it.

"I'll kill him!" Jim suddenly exclaimed. I looked at him in alarm.

"No, Jim, please don't do anything! I can't let Will know!"

"You have to, Ada. In all seriousness, you have to tell him. He has a right to know."

"No," I replied obstinately. "If I tell him he won't want to marry me."

"What? Of course he will! It's not your fault!"

We both looked up when someone knocked on the door. Jim quickly leapt to his feet and walked to open it; Will was standing outside.

"Jim? Aren't you on watch?"

There was a pause, followed by a soft utterance from Jim which sounded like "Oh damn!", before he ran outside.


	23. Reactions

I looked up at Will expectantly. He held his hat under his arm, and I could see a frown burrowing into his forehead. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. I spoke before he could get the chance.

"Why did you send Mrs. Brown to bother me today?"

He seemed taken aback, but recovered quickly, "It's nothing suspicious, Aid. I ran into Molly during my lunch break, and she mentioned she hadn't seen you at breakfast or lunch. I told her you were feeling a wee bit under the weather and...well, she must have taken that as her cue to come down here."

"Oh," I paused, feeling somewhat embarrassed. "Well, sit down, Will."

He hesitated, "Aid, you...you seem a bit more...matter-of-fact than you did this morning."

"I just had a chat with Jim and I feel slightly better. Please sit, Will. I need to talk to you."

Eventually he sat down beside me on the couch, placing his hat on the table beside him. He loosened his tie slightly, before looking at me expectantly.

"Well?"

"Will...I must admit I had intended to keep this from you, but I cannot trust Jim to do the same. I've literally only just decided that you should now, so please bear with me for a moment."

I took a deep breath, smoothing my skirt out as I did so. I didn't want to tell him, I really didn't. Was there a way out of it? I considered the possibility of simply telling him the wedding was off, but I couldn't do it. There was no use anyway. Once he knew the truth he would be gone, as quick as lightening. I was damaged goods now, no good to him whatsoever.

"Aid?" Will's voice broke through my thoughts. I'd been silent for longer than I had thought.

I took another breath and looked straight into his eyes. "Will, Mr Ismay's son brought me to my room last night and he did something terrible."

His face was blank for a moment, before it suddenly dawned on him.

"What?"

"He forced me to...do things...I didn't want to do. I am so dreadfully sorry, Will. I know you'll hate me now but -" I could feel the panic rising again. Tears started to slip down my cheeks.

There was an awful silence for a short while, as Will seemed to consider what I had just said. His face darkened and I could see his fists clenching, his breathing became heavy. God, I had never seen him like this before. My perfect Will, building up into a rage – he would probably hit me. I couldn't blame him – I deserved it for allowing that to happen.

Instead, however, he took me by surprise – he pulled me towards him, holding me close. One hand rubbed my back gently as the other kept me clasped to his chest. I was stunned – what did this mean?

"I am so, so sorry, Ada. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself..."

I gently pulled myself away from him, looking into his eyes which were watering.

"You're sorry, Will? You did nothing wrong! Nothing at all!"

"I should never have left you, darling. Never. I am so sorry!" He paused for a second, and pulled away. He stood up. "I have to go and talk to that bastard now."

"What? You can't, Will! He'll call me a liar and you'll lose your job!"

He was hearing none of it, however. I just sat there, dumbstruck, as he found a steward and ordered some dinner for me. After that was done, he kissed my cheek and left, but not before cursing Lights for leaving me with Bruce Junior.

* * *

The steward had brought me a meal of lamb and delicious looking vegetables, but I couldn't stomach the thought of eating at that moment. I felt ill – what would happen to Will? The Ismays would be at dinner! He couldn't challenge him in the dining saloon – he wouldn't! Or would he? I started pacing the floor, trying to work out what we could do if he lost his job.

"Ada?"

It was Lights, tapping urgently on the door. I hurried to let him in.

"Ada, Will is bloody furious with me! What on earth happened? He threatened to punch my lights out!"

"So he's not too furious to pass up a perfectly good pun?" I queried drily. Lights wasn't amused.

"This isn't funny! He's out looking for blood this evening!"

"Lights...who is supposed to be on watch now?"

He paused, an expression of pure horror passing over his face. "Oh my good Lord...I'll see you later, Ada. If asked, you haven't seen me!"

A few moments later, Will turned up. He looked over at my meal in surprise.

"Are you not eating, Aid?"

"I'm not too hungry...Will, where have you been?"

"Just looking for that bastard. Like I said. I couldn't find him at dinner, as he is apparently suffering from a bout of seasickness."

"What now?"

"I might bring you Mr. Lightoller's head on a platter. I haven't decided yet."

"It's not his fault, Will. He tried to stop him, but everyone told him to go to his watch."

"Well...I don't know. Hopefully both of the Ismays will be at the service tomorrow."

"Will you be there?"

"I should be. The captain hasn't said yet. Anyway, I insist that you go. Honestly, it will do you the world of good."

"I really don't think so, Will."

"It will, Aid. Really. If you go, I'll go. I'll make sure of it."

I knew he meant it. I truly knew he did. The only problem with these promises he was making was that I had already resigned myself to the thought that our wedding would no longer be happening. I didn't even mind that fact anymore. That part of me felt completely numb – and I knew that all that had just happened had only served to temporarily patch up a problem which wasn't that easy to fix.

* * *

_**A/N – I keep almost forgetting about this story – I really am useless! I apologise for that. I've been too distracted by the AC on Neopets, watching Blackadder and doing my coursework. I intend to focus on this story a lot more in the next while at least – I am going on holiday in August, but until then I should have plenty of time to write! **_

_**I would also like to thank everyone who has reviewed again!**_


	24. Those In Peril

14 April 1912

_Will and I were running through Dalbeattie, laughing happily. Suddenly Will pulled up and turned to stare at me. His laughter became maniacal, blood started pouring out of his nose. I screamed as he suddenly began morphing into Bruce Junior. He grabbed at my arms as I turned to run._

_I ran as fast as I could, through the town which seemed to join onto the Southampton docks. I ran past the Titanic officers who all called to me - "Ada! Ada! Ada!" The docks joined onto Titanic's boat deck. I kept running, just hoping I could get away. _

_Molly Brown pulled me towards a bench, where my sister was sitting. My sister looked up, smiling eerily at me, "It's too late, Ada. They're gone. They're gone. It's too late."_

I sat bolt upright, breathing heavily. I could feel the perspiration all over my body. I was trembling uncontrollably – that awful, awful dream. Those dreams had stopped, I hadn't experienced any like that for years.

I slowly edged myself out of bed, feeling incredibly unnerved. I didn't want to think about the dream, but I was having trouble putting it to the back of my mind. I hated having dreams like that, especially when I had no one to talk to about them. I had never mentioned _that _to Will, and I didn't want to. Not yet.

It was light outside, my clock said that it was seven o'clock. Plenty of time to get ready for breakfast then! I contemplated waking Lizzie, but decided it would be cruel to do so. She needed her sleep much more than I needed a corset. I could do without this once – it wasn't as though I really wanted to wear one anyway.

But what does one wear to a first class hymn service? I briefly browsed through my closet, trying to find something suitable. Not a dinner dress – although I had plenty of those. Will had really gone overboard with buying dinner dresses, especially considering the fact that if I had gone to dinner every evening and had worn a different dress each time, that should only be five dresses. Not ten or more, which was the number I had now.

My eyes finally settled on a pale pink dress, which was suitably plain – I didn't want to wear anything which would draw attention to me. I would probably need some gloves, which were in a drawer somewhere. I rummaged around until I found a pair of beautiful cream gloves, which had never been worn. They were so perfectly clean and crisp...it was almost a shame to use them now.

I selected a hat from the top of the closet, a brown one with pink details. Beautiful. That was when I had to stop myself – I was behaving like I was choosing an outfit to dress up a porcelain doll. I didn't need to make this much effort just to go amongst those people. They would never see me again, so what did it matter? Still, Will had spent so much money on these clothes...I would wear them, but I had no intention of putting anymore effort into it.

"Miss Ada?"

I almost jumped out of my skin with fright. I turned to see Lizzie standing there – she looked like she had been up and ready for work for hours. It hit me – of course she had. She thought that I expected it of her.

"Yes, Lizzie?"

"I'm sorry, Miss, I thought you might need some help getting dressed."

"Well, I -"

She looked at me earnestly. She _wanted_ to help, the poor girl. She was being paid to help and that was what she intended to do.

"Very well. But please, Lizzie, I asked you to call me Ada!"

* * *

During the service, I couldn't help but reflect on Will's attitude to what had happened. He had been furious at first, then upset, then angry...and then oddly calm. The calmness actually bothered me more than the rage. He had arrived to walk me to the service, presented me with daffodils – although where he had managed to find daffodils I did not know – and had not mentioned Bruce Junior or anything connected to that awful incident. It was strange, and I couldn't help feeling that something _had _happened last night when he had gone to find that man.

Still, as long as the rest of the voyage was peaceful, I would be be perfectly content to just stay close to Will. I had seen the Ismays almost as soon as we entered the room, but we had both ignored them and I hoped it would stay that way. Just Will and I, so we could both try to put this horrid voyage behind us.

At least the singing was decent. When Will and I were in Dalbeattie, we had attended a church service. God, it was wonderful entertainment! They had chosen a selection of hymns to sing throughout the service, which wasn't particularly remarkable. No, the problem with them was that their congregation couldn't hold a note between them. The women were shrill, the men just too loud, almost shouting. Some weren't trying, some obviously considered themselves to hold great talent. Will and I were forced to leave early, abandoning all hope of taking that particular service seriously. We stood outside in hysterics for ten minutes, before hurrying away so we weren't caught by the people as they swarmed out at the end.

Will nudged me gently, bringing me back into the present. There seemed to be a small disturbance just outside, but a man who I had often seen with Mr Hockley hurried to sort it out. I suddenly realised that I had been silent for a while, and quickly looked at the paper to see where we were. Will pointed to the line and I joined in, my voice sounding somewhat dull.

"Oh, hear us when we cry to thee  
For those in peril on the sea..."

* * *

At the end of the service, Will took my arm and led me over to the side of the room. I looked up at him, puzzled. I had been expecting to leave straight away.

"Sorry about this, lovvie -" he paused and looked down at me. "Sorry, Ada...I must have a word with the captain."

"Will, I don't mind if you call me that. Honestly. I was being...silly...the other day."

He opened his mouth to reply, but froze before he spoke. I followed his gaze and watched, in horror, as Bruce Junior approached us.

"Miss Banks, Mr Murdoch. I am so dreadfully sorry for intruding in this manner, but I have been giving your suggestion quite a bit of thought."

I looked at Will, a frown creasing my forehead slightly. _Suggestion? _What suggestion? The creature looked at me and laughed softly.

"You haven't told her! Hah! Well, never mind. All I wanted to say, _Will_, is that I refuse. Downright refuse. Because, my good man, if you ever dare to mention this to anyone...I will ruin you. No one will believe you and I will make sure that you never work with the White Star Line again – or any other reputable firms, for that matter!"

Will scowled at him, slowly slipping his arm across my shoulders to reassure me. I huddled in gratefully. Bruce Junior sneered at us.

"I must dash. By the way, Miss Banks, you look simply exquisite this morning."

He walked away and I looked up at Will.

"You told me you hadn't seen him!"

"I didn't want to worry you, Aid. If I had told you there was an ultimatum hanging in the air you probably wouldn't have slept last night."

I considered this for a moment. "Very well. What was your 'suggestion'?"

"I said to him that if he would leave the White Star Line, give up his inheritance and stay away from us, I would not report him."

"You didn't think he'd go for that?"

"I hoped he would have the decency to at least agree to leave us alone," he shrugged.

Molly Brown walked past and Will caught her attention.

"Molly, could you walk Ada to her room, please? I need to talk to the captain and I might be a while."

Molly smiled in greeting, probably a bit wary of me after the previous day. I followed her to the door, but paused and briefly looked back at Will. He was standing alone, looking utterly melancholy. My heart went out to him, but now I had the horrible feeling that he would keep important secrets from me. I didn't really know how to feel, and when Molly pulled my arm gently I needed no further encouragement to leave him there alone.

* * *

**_A/N - I'm glad I've got this one out now! This chapter has been sitting here for the last few days and I'm sorry about that. I had some laptop problems for a couple of days, then had a little bit of coursework to do. Anyway, I enjoyed writing this chapter and I'm looking forward to getting started on the next one! _**


	25. Settling Differences

I sat in my room for ten minutes or so, waiting for Will. He hadn't said he would be there. In fact, he was probably back on watch again. Still, I wanted to give him just one chance to come back and apologise for keeping _that secret _from me. After everything I had been through, he had kept that from me – and he didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with doing so!

Still, he had not turned up. I did not want to sit in there all day – it was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I didn't feel particularly inclined to wait for someone who may never arrive. Besides, on the way to my room with Molly, we had been stopped by Mr Andrews who had offered to give me a tour of the ship. If he was anywhere nearby, it could be interesting to join in.

I placed my hat on my head, pulled on a pair of little white gloves and selected a coat from the closet. It hadn't seemed to be too cold out, but I decided that we _were _mid-Atlantic and so it was better to be safe than sorry.

Once outside, I wandered onto the boat deck and gazed out at the sea. It looked so beautiful out there – so peaceful. I walked over to the railing for a moment, deep in thought. What would happen when we arrived in New York if Will and I hadn't reconciled by then? What about what he had suggested before – "_when__ we get to New York I intend to show you everything. Absolutely everything_"?

I pushed the thoughts out of my mind and walked away from the railing. It didn't matter. If the worst came to the worst...well, Will wouldn't abandon me in a strange city. Something would be worked out.

I wandered towards the bridge, pausing for a moment at the gate. I made my decision quickly, however, and pushed it open and continued to walk. Even if Will wasn't on the bridge, I wanted to see the other officers. I had actually come to miss their company – I had spent so much time with them before we left Southampton that their absence was surprisingly obvious. I had seen Lights and Jim on several occasions, but I couldn't remember the last time I had seen the others.

I could hear Mr Andrews' voice as I approached the bridge – he was in the middle of one of his tours. I stuck my head around the door to see who was there – he was talking to the DeWitt-Bukaters. Typical! I couldn't quite make out what was being said but Andrews sounded so proud. Well, he should be. His ship was beautiful. If only the circumstances had been different. If only Bruce Junior hadn't been travelling on the maiden voyage!

"Ada?"

I jumped and turned around. Will was standing there, looking confused. He had a cup of tea in one hand, his other was rubbing the back of his head. He had obviously been sleeping and his appearance managed to make me smile – his shirt was unbuttoned, making him look so unlike any respectable officer on a ship like _Titanic._

"I was looking for you, Will."

"Naturally," he yawned loudly. "Do you want to go inside? I don't know about you, but I'd rather not discuss anything in public."

"Such as the fact that, after everything that happened to me, you took it upon yourself to keep a rather important secret to yourself? And then you decided to not apologise and not to come to my room to see how I was? Will, I don't think I can take this anymore!"

He grabbed my wrist tightly and pulled me inside, around the corner and into his cabin. I sat down on the bed without invitation as he shut the door.

"Now, Aid, we can talk. It's much better to talk like this in private. I am sorry for not apologising earlier, but I did have a job to do. I had every intention of coming to find you after I'd have some sleep."

"No, Will. I can't be expected to just sit and wait for you until you decide you want me again. I won't live like that. I want what you promised me – a perfect life together."

"No life is perfect. My parents are happy together but their lives aren't perfect."

"That is my point, Will," I looked up at him sadly. "I don't know if I _can _be happy with you after the last few days."

He was taken aback at this, and simply gaped at me for a few seconds.

"Ada...of course we can be happy together," he sat beside me as he spoke, and took my hands gently. "I _love _you Ada. I truly do, more than I thought was possible. I would do anything to make you happy. Anything."

"Really?" I bit my lip. "Will, would you give up your career so I'm never alone?"

He hesitated, then nodded. "Yes. If you asked me to, then yes."

I tilted my head slightly and considered this. I hadn't expected him to say that – I would never seriously dream of asking him to do this anyway. Still, regardless of that fact, I felt almost elated that he would give me that answer with no protest whatsoever, that he would give up the career he loved just for me.

"Will...I love you..." I leant forward and kissed his cheek softly. "And I would never ask that of you. Never."

"If you did I would, Aid," he paused and smiled. "I'll tell you something else too – I won't leave you at all once we get to New York."

"Once we get to New York?"

He laughed, "I would promise to not leave you from now on, but I don't want to make a promise I can't keep."

"Well, that settles that then," I responded brightly. "Will you be joining me for dinner?"

"Dinner? Not in first class?"

"No...unless you want to. I'd be happy if a steward brought us a little bite to eat."

"I've no intention of sitting with the Ismays," Will replied thoughtfully. "I'll be there at six or so."

I smiled at him, then stood up. He still held onto my hand, holding me back. I turned and looked at him.

"You look absolutely beautiful today, Aid," he kissed my hand, then yawned. "Where are you going now?"

"I was thinking of joining Mr Andrews for his tour if he's still on the bridge," I paused and thought. "Failing that, I suppose I will just see if any of the other officers are off-duty."

"Not Lights, I hope?" Will raised his left eyebrow. "I told him to keep away from you in any case."

"Don't be silly, Will. Lights had nothing to do with it and I think you ought to forgive him," I bent down and kissed him again. "I will see you this evening then. Don't forget!"


	26. Changed Woman

Mr Andrews had disappeared by the time that I got to the bridge, and I discovered in a matter of minutes that the other officers were either on duty or sleeping. I couldn't blame them – Harry Lowe, for instance, was standing on the bridge looking exhausted, like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"Harry, do you remember our first night in Southampton when Will said that would be the only proper night's sleep?"

"Yes," Harry replied ruefully. "And we didn't even get a proper night's sleep that night anyway."

"Yes, well...I didn't believe him then. Obviously that was true."

"Be grateful that you are not one of us," he yawned. "I'm only on about four hours sleep a night. Or day. I don't even know anymore."

I laughed softly. "I suppose you'll be hoping to sleep non-stop when we get to New York then?"

"Something like that."

I left him then, deep in thought. It was Sunday. We would arrive in New York on Wednesday morning, possibly Tuesday night – according to the rumours. I felt surprisingly comfortable with the knowledge that I would be on this ship with the Ismays for another three days at least. No, I didn't want to be near them and the memory of that night repulsed me. Now though, I felt oddly stronger, more confident in myself. It was strange really, considering the circumstances. I had always kept to myself more often than not and in truth the incident should have destroyed me. But...it hadn't. I had surprised myself – and Will too, most likely.

I found myself wandering down the first class promenade deck. I was completely lost in my own thoughts, when I saw Mr Andrews and his tour group not too far ahead. Mrs DeWitt-Bukater was looking around frantically and I could hear her shrill voice.

"Rose? Rose?"

I felt a smile spread across my face. At least my parents had never been like this woman. I turned to walk into the first class entrance, deep in thought.

* * *

Will arrived at my room at half six, his greatcoat collar pulled up around his ears and his hat forced down as far as possible. His nose and cheeks were flushed red with the cold.

"How is the weather now, Will?" I asked cheerfully.

"Bloody freezing...sorry. It's cold. Very cold," he scurried over to the fire which Lizzie had built and huddled over it for a moment. "Where's the food?"

"I rang for the steward a while ago. He should be here soon."

I tidied my writing desk again, putting all the paper into one neat pile. I turned back to Will brightly.

"You know that awful woman who we dined with on a couple of occasions?"

"The red-head?" His voice was muffled.

"Yes. Ruth, I think. Anyway, she lost her daughter today. I thought it rather amusing."

"Huh? Amusing?" He glance at me sideways. "I don't follow."

"This girl is an adult, Will. Or almost anyway. She doesn't need to be permanently attached to her mother – no wonder the girl runs off whenever she gets the chance."

"She's a red-head too, isn't she? I think she was the girl who was allegedly 'violated' the other night," he turned to look at me. "Yes, that Mr Hockley came out to her. Strange girl."

I looked at the clock. "I rang for a steward ten minutes ago!"

Will stepped towards me and touched my hair gently. His hand slipped down to caress my neck.

"Are you really hungry, Aid? I don't mind if we miss dinner tonight."

He bent down to kiss my neck, but I instantly pushed him away.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"I'm trying to take your mind off that Ismay cad!"

"Well...I don't want you to do that."

He turned, looking incredibly awkward. An impish grin crossed my face and I jumped up to kiss him on the lips.

"Don't touch my neck, but if you really want to miss dinner..."

* * *

Quite a while later, Will and I sat on the couch in my suite, munching on sandwiches. I gazed into Will's eyes happily.

"You know, I'm not a lady anymore Will."

"Yes you are."

"I'm not. Honestly. Especially after that other night."

"Forget about the other night. It's not worth your time."

"I can't help it. I'm surprised you still want to marry me. I wouldn't."

"Don't be silly, Aid. I love you and nothing anyone else does can change that. Tell you what, I was thinking about this wedding. What about the church in Dalbeattie?"

"Why not?" I smiled at him. I didn't care where we got married as long as it was soon.

Will put his plate down on the table, then looked across at the clock.

"I'd best be on my way, lovvie. I have to make sure everything's going smoothly on the bridge before my watch. Lights thinks the water supplies could freeze in this cold."

"It's perfectly miserable, isn't it?"

"It's beautiful and calm out though. You should see it."

He kissed my nose and I shook my head. "I don't think so, Will. It's far too cold out."

"Never mind me, though!" He laughed as he got to his feet. "Duty calls. I shall come in to see you when I finish and then we can have breakfast together in the morning."

"I'll see you in a few hours then," I smiled as he wrapped me in a warm embrace. "I love you, Will."

"Love you too, Aid," he kissed my nose, then pulled his greatcoat, gloves and hat on.

I opened the door for him and sighed as he walked out. I missed him already.

* * *

_**A/N – two chapters! I've been a bit sick over the last couple of days, but at least I got them done! I keep getting random inspiration for future fanfics, which I hate – it distracts me from this one! Anyway, thank you for the reviews and I hope everyone is enjoying this so far!**_


	27. Confusion

I went to bed not long after Will left my room and drifted into an almost dreamless sleep. I had a brief dream, not a nightmare like the last few nights...

_I held my sister's hand tightly. We were in Liverpool, standing on the dock and looking in awe at the bustling people around us. A man I recognised stepped over to greet us._

_"Good afternoon, Miss Banks..."_

_I took his hand, and I realised it was Will. Suddenly he let go, and walked away slowly._

_"I love you..."_

I woke from my sleep suddenly, and sat up, trying to work out what had woken me. Unable to work it out, I slowly swung my legs out and onto the floor – directly into a puddle of water. I frowned as I switched my table lamp on. My glass which I had placed on my bedside table was on the floor.

I was confused – what would have caused that? I suddenly realised that it was eerily quiet. The engines had stopped! I pulled a dressing-gown on and walked out to open my door. Looking down the corridor, I could see several other passengers peering out in confusion. I stopped a steward as he walked past.

"Excuse me, but do you know why the engines have stopped?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm not too sure myself. I shall find out and let you know – but I don't think it'll be anything serious."

I wasn't convinced, but smiled drily. "Oh...thank you..."

Not entirely happy with this response, I slowly backed into my room. I held the door open for a moment, trying to think what the problem could be – surely they wouldn't stop _Titanic_'s engines without good reason?

I could feel myself gasping for air again. Not now! I needed to get up on deck to breathe – but all I could think was that the ship had stopped the night my parents died. But no...I steadied myself slowly. _Titanic _was "practically unsinkable". I had nothing to worry about.

Slowly, I softly closed my door and wandered back inside. I couldn't sleep now, not until we started moving again, to relax my nerves. Will was sure to be be down here soon to reassure me – I would just have to wait calmly until then. Maybe I could write to my sister – I hadn't quite managed to get around to that yet.

* * *

A sharp rapping at my door made me sit up quickly. I gazed around, confused, for a moment, trying to work out where I was. It quickly came to me – I had fallen asleep at my writing table before I started writing my letter.

There was another rap and I quickly stood up and hurried to the door. A steward was standing outside, looking impatient.

"Excuse me, ma'am, the captain has asked all passengers to assemble on deck with their lifebelts on."

I frowned. "May I ask why?"

"It's nothing to worry about, ma'am. Most likely just a drill. I must ask you to hurry – and dress warmly."

"Dress warmly...?" I felt dazed.

He walked over to a cupboard, and pulled out two lifebelts. He handed one to me and kept the other under his arm.

"I'm sure you won't object to me taking this, just in case another passenger finds himself without one. Now, I would suggest a warm coat, hat and gloves. Don't take too long getting dressed, the captain has asked for the passengers to assemble as quickly as possible."

He smiled comfortingly at me, then took my hand and squeezed it. "Nothing to worry about, miss, just a drill," he repeated.

I gazed around, clutching my lifebelt, until he closed the door behind him. Drill? In the middle of the night? I shook my head and hurried into my bedroom. What should I wear?

I pulled out a simple dress which looked slightly warmer than the others, a fur hat (another piece of clothing which Will had managed to afford) and a pair of brown gloves. I quickly got myself dressed, then rummaged in my closet for a coat, eventually coming across one which wasn't quite suitable. Still, it was better than nothing. I pulled it on, then looked at the lifebelt – well, the steward had told me to put it on. I pulled it over my head, but left the strings hanging loose.

That was everything he had mentioned. I turned to leave the room, but suddenly remembered something – my locket. I looked around for it, eventually finding it on the floor near my bed. I put it in my pocket, then took my purse out of a drawer and sighed. I didn't feel comfortable leaving everything else behind. What if something awful happened and I lost it all? I couldn't help myself – I stuffed all my jewellery into my pockets. I couldn't risk losing it after Will had spent so much money on it all.

Once I had finished that action, I turned and left my room. The corridor outside was bustling with people, a lot more than was usual. They all seemed to be heading in the same direction, and all were dressed in a similar manner to me. I followed them to the grand staircase, where everyone had gathered. There was so much chattering going on – men were demanding to know why we had been dragged out of bed, women were complaining indignantly about how put out they were. I could hear the band playing in the background, and slowly made my way towards them.

I watched as they played a perfectly lovely piece of music. I felt much calmer after a few minutes, and found myself smiling. I almost forgot what was going on, until I heard someone call my name.

"Ada!"

I turned to see Molly Brown standing behind me. She looked fed up, although still not as miserable as most of the other people who had gathered here. She was covered up in so many furs – something told me that she would be much warmer than I would be once we got outside. Assuming, of course, that the steward was correct in telling me that we were to assemble on deck.

"Molly!" I walked towards her. "I must apologise for yesterday -"

"Don't worry about it, Ada. It is all forgotten."

"I feel rather silly asking you this, Molly...but you don't happen to know why we're here do you?"

She shook her head, then turned to get the attention of a steward who was making a beeline for the stairs.

"What's doing, sonny? You've got us all trussed up here and now we're coolin' our heels!"

I felt sorry for the poor young steward. He looked just as confused as the passengers, and almost tripped up the stairs as he stumbled away.

"Sorry, ma'am. Let me go and find out."

He almost tripped again as he turned, and Molly shrugged as she looked back at me. "I don't think anyone knows what the hell is going on!"

She was right. I gazed around at all the passengers who were just as confused as I was – why were we here in the middle of the night? And if it was just a drill as I had been told, why were we being penned up in the foyer of all places?

I sighed and followed Molly as she bustled up the stairs, intent on finding out why we were there. Where was Will?

* * *

_**A/N – The only reason this chapter is done now is that I'm procrastinating. Big time. I have an essay to do, and I really don't feel inspired by it. Still, at least I got something done today – this chapter!**_

_**For the next few chapters, I will be trying to tie in facts from 'A Night To Remember' with fiction - while also trying to avoid the clichés which are so common around the sinking in 'Titanic' fics! **_

_**Anyway, as always – thank you to the people who have reviewed! All reviews are much appreciated, I like to know what people think of my writing!**_


	28. Will's Promise

After a while, and after quite a few indignant remarks from other passengers, we were called up on deck. The freezing air hit me as soon as I followed Molly out the door – this coat really wasn't enough to keep the cold out. I gazed around, feeling incredibly dazed and confused. There were so many people on the deck, and a strange loud noise which overpowered everything else. I looked around trying to find the source, and soon set my eyes on the funnels – why were they making so much noise? I wrinkled my forehead slightly, then looked over as someone tried to get the attention of the passengers. Lights. He looked stressed – a lot more so than usual.

I could see his mouth moving but couldn't hear a word. The funnels were making too much noise. However, their timing was excellent – they stopped then, leaving an odd silence hanging over the ship. I could hear Lights now.

"...I'll only be needing women and children."

What? No – I had to find Will before I was bundled into a lifeboat. There would be plenty of time and I only needed him to reassure me that it would be fine.

"Molly, have you seen Will?"

"Can't say that I have, darlin'. Why don't you ask that officer?" She gestured towards Lights.

I pushed past a couple of women towards Lights.

"Lights, have you seen Will?"

He looked flustered. "He's over the other side, I believe," he replied quickly.

I turned to walk away but he suddenly grabbed my arm. "Ada...I'm so, so sorry for what happened."

"Don't be silly, Lights. It wasn't your fault," I smiled at him, and he turned back to continue loading the women into the boats.

I asked Molly to wait for me, then hurried over to the other side of the deck. There were so many people and I couldn't see him. I could feel my panic rising, when I felt someone grab my shoulder.

"Ada! Thank God, I was looking for you!"

I turned to see Will. I breathed a sigh of relief and almost threw myself into his arms.

"Will! What's going on?"

He bit his lip before replying. "Nothing much, Ada. We had a bit of an accident earlier. An iceberg. But a rescue ship is on its way!"

I frowned. "Rescue ship? _Titanic_'s unsinkable!"

"It's just a precaution, Aid. But I want you to get into a lifeboat as soon as possible. And take this -" He pushed a letter into my hand. "Don't read it straight away."

"But Will -"

"No, go on, Aid. Go with Molly, if she's still here. I need to keep loading these boats, but I promise you I will see you later. I give you my word."

His hands were shaking – from the cold or from fear? I couldn't decide. Still, he leant forward and kissed my nose gently.

"I love you, Will," I said softly, nuzzling my face into his shoulder.

He looked down at me and smiled. "You'll be freezing like that, Aid. Take my coat."

"No, Will. You need it more than me!"

"I have another in my cabin!" He pulled the greatcoat off and wrapped it around my shoulders. "See? You look as beautiful as you did when you wore it in Southampton!"

He kissed my nose again, then turned to herd some passengers into a lifeboat.

* * *

I returned to Molly, who had since been joined by the DeWitt-Bukaters. Typical. That Rose girl looked depressed – more so than usual, although I didn't take too much notice. The band had reassembled outside, and everyone seemed fairly normal. There was nothing to worry about.

Lights helped me into the boat, then Molly followed. Ruth DeWitt-Bukater next – but Rose just stood on deck.

"Get into the boat, Rose!"

"Goodbye, mother!"

She turned and walked away. Mr Hockley frowned and ran after her – he was too late anyhow. Our boat was now being lowered, despite Ruth's cries for Rose.


	29. Boat Six

Ruth continued to moan indignantly as our lifeboat was slowly lowered. I felt sorry for her – it seemed to me that she was smothering her daughter, but I knew too well that awful feeling of leaving someone you love on a ship in distress.

That was when it hit me – I had been persuaded into a lifeboat the night my parents died. My sister and I had left them, albeit unwillingly, on a sinking ship. It couldn't possibly be that I had just been persuaded to leave my fiancé in the same position...could it? I suddenly felt sick – it was too late to climb back on board now that the lifeboat was in the water. But all I wanted was to stay with Will until he got into a lifeboat. Still...he had promised that he would be alright. He would never have said that if he wasn't sure. I took a deep breath. Will would be getting the passengers into lifeboats, then get into one himself. A rescue ship was on its way, and anyway..._Titanic _was unsinkable.

I shook my head and looked around me. The boat was half-full at most. I could only recognise Ruth, Molly and the seaman who was standing at the stern. What was his name? I racked my brain for a moment, until I remembered – Hitchens. He seemed terrified as he turned and looked up at _Titanic_. There were two men pulling on the oars and only one was a seaman. However, even he did not seem too capable of rowing. Hitchens was trying to make the two men row quicker, with little success – and that didn't seem to improve his mood.

"Keep pulling. We'll pull together!"

He looked at the ship behind him, an expression of terror crossing his face.

"We gotta get away from this ship..." he muttered, before looking back at the seaman. "Keep pulling. You on the starboard side – you're not pulling evenly!"

The seaman he pointed at was struggling with his oar, "Sorry, sir!"

Hitchens continued, "Pull!"

Molly shifted herself around to face the young seaman who held the oar.

"You look like a duck with a broken wing," she commented in a duller tone of voice than was usual. "Ain't you ever rowed a boat before, sonny?"

The seaman was trying not to break his concentration, and simply shook his head. "No, ma'am."

Molly sighed and motioned for him to move away. "Give me that oar. I'll show you how it's done."

My eyes widened as she took hold of the oar and moved into his seat. I had never seen a woman row before – although, I reasoned, there was no reason why she shouldn't. Hitchens didn't try to stop her, he simply continued with his orders.

"Now, pull! Pull! Pull!"

Ruth had become oddly quiet. She and Molly were staring up at the ship we had just left. I followed their gaze and felt my breath catch – from our new position the extent of the danger was obvious. _Titanic _was sinking. The bow was barely visible above the ocean. What had happened to cause this ship to start sinking? I couldn't even begin to grasp how it could be possible that the unsinkable ship was, in fact, sinking. I heard Molly mutter something to Ruth.

"Now there's something you don't see everyday."

A rocket was fired from the bridge – if it had been in other circumstances, I would have considered the bright explosion against the clear, starlit sky to be beautiful. At that moment, however, I felt my heart drop into my stomach. This was like a nightmare, one I had lived through once and prayed I'd never live through again.

I just stared at the ship, unable to grasp what was happening. The ship was _sinking_! Will was still onboard! No, he said a rescue ship was on the way. We would be picked up and safe before the ship went down. He had promised. I shook my head and felt a smile form on my lips. I'd be back with Will in an hour or so.

Hitchens was still ordering the rowers to move faster. His voice was beginning to grate on my nerves.

"Put your backs into it! Pull!"

We had managed to put a decent distance between ourselves and the ship – although I wasn't convinced that anyone knew where we were going. Suddenly a whistle could be heard from the sinking ship. Hitchens ignored it.

"Pull. Come on, put your backs into it! Pull! Pull!"

Another rocket was fired into the sky, and everyone paused as they gazed up at it as it lit up the sky. Hitchens sighed, before continuing.

"Pull! Pull! Come on, pull! Pull!"

Another whistle was heard, followed by a voice from the sinking ship.

"Hey, out there! Come back to the ship! Boat six, come back to the ship!"

I squinted, trying to work out where the voice was coming from. I gave up, distracted by Molly. She stopped rowing.

"Stop!" She called out. "We have to go back!"

"No! The suction will pull us down if we don't keep going!" Hitchens snapped, seemingly determined to terrify everyone in the boat.

"We've lots more room!" Molly responded loudly, looking at the rest of us for support. "I say we go back!"

"No!" Hitchins snapped again. "It's our lives now, not theirs. And I'm in charge of this boat, madam. Now row!"

He roared this command at her. Molly frowned, looked around once more and then continued to row. Another whistle was heard, causing Hitchens to peer back over his shoulder.

"This is the captain! This is the captain! Come back to the ship!"

The calling was in vain. Hitchens was terrified, and rightly so. He had no intention of returning, not to a sinking ship. It seemed so logical and yet...so utterly and completely wrong.


	30. The Sinking

Shortly afterwards, Molly persuaded some of the other passengers in our boat to start rowing. Since the captain had tried in vain to call us back, a young man emerged from somewhere. It was puzzling – he was clearly not a first class passenger, nor was he a seaman. In fact, as one of the other women pointed out, he had not been there before the boat was lowered. After all, Molly had made a point of drawing our attention to the lack of seamen in the boat, and surely – as the woman continued – we should have noticed if there was a young man there. Besides, another woman mentioned blithely, men had not been admitted into the boat – with the sole exception of the Major; and he only because he claimed to have experience of sailing. Be that as it may, this young man _was _on board now, and Hitchens ordered him to take an oar – reminding us again that we would be sucked down by the sinking ship if we didn't hurry.

Another problem arose when one of the women beside this young man noticed that his arm was injured in some manner. "Probably," Hitchens snapped. "Probably from falling in." The major, who was still rowing, asked Hitchens to allow one of the women to take the 'tiller'.

"We need another hand on the oars, if what you say is true," he reminded him.

Hithens scowled in response. "I am in command of this boat, and it is _your _job to row! Now, pull!"

Eventually Molly was forced to ask another passenger to help to row, as we were barely making any progress now. The woman, who was wearing the uniform of a stewardess, appeared to be perfectly capable of rowing and we soon began to move quicker. The seaman who had originally been rowing before Molly took over also took an oar, Ruth helped Molly with hers and I found myself rowing with the stewardess. I looked over my shoulder and saw that a few of the other women had also joined in, and so we quickly began to make progress. Still, that didn't appear to be good enough for Hitchens, who was still in a dark, pessimistic mood.

"When she goes down, the suction will pull everything down with her. Everything for miles around!"

The major responded angrily, "I beg your pardon, good sir, but you are frightening the women!"

I almost rolled my eyes at this. I knew that _I _wasn't frightened by these comments – irritated, yes, but far from frightened. I was far more worried about Will. Still, Hitchens continued his gloomy predictions.

"It's true, I tell you! Does no one remember what happened when we left Southampton docks?"

He got no reply, other than a few blank and confused expressions. This didn't deter him.

"A liner was almost sucked into our path!"

"Good God, give me strength!" I heard someone behind me mutter.

"When she goes under, the boilers will explode. We'll all be killed if we don't get away from here!"

Some panicked whispering was heard across the boat, but Molly quickly quietened them down, scowling at Hitchens all the while.

It was only then that I looked back at the ship. I had no idea how much time had passed since the last time I had looked at it, but by now the bow was almost completely underwater and the stern was slowly rising out of the ocean. My eyes widened at the sight – to think that only a few hours ago I was safely asleep on that ship!

The noise from the doomed ship was becoming louder, and even Hitchens turned to look back at her. The ship surely couldn't last for much longer, but there were still so many people onboard! Where was the rescue ship? Surely someone would be coming to our aid soon?

"What about that light on the horizon?" Someone asked, looking behind us.

"There is no point in lights," Hitchens responded gloomily. "We aren't moving quickly enough. We're all doomed."

I leant over to Molly and whispered to her, "This would be amusing if it wasn't so serious."

She nodded in agreement. Under any other circumstances, I would consider Hitchens to be a fine comedian. His comments were timed perfectly – but they did nothing to raise the spirits of the passengers in our little boat.

"Oh, look!"

The woman beside me had stopped rowing and was pointing towards the ship. We all followed her terrified gaze to see that the stern had risen considerably out of the ocean. She was still visible sinking. I felt sick just looking in that direction. I lowered my gaze and tried to focus on the oar I was holding. I couldn't do it – a loud snapping sound echoed across the ocean and I looked up. One of the funnels collapsed into the sea. This was followed by the bright lights going out, but quickly lighting up again.

I don't know how much time passed as we just sat there, frozen in one position, staring at the ship. The stern was rising quickly now, and screams from the passengers still onboard could be heard. I could feel tears standing in my eyes as I gazed at it. God, please let Will get off before it goes under!

"God almighty!" Molly whispered, in a tone of disbelief.

After another minute or so, the lights went out – and this time they did not come back on. I closed my eyes. It must be awful to be on a sinking ship with no light as comfort. Why had this boat not been filled? Why hadn't we returned when the captain had called?

My eyes shot open again as an awful, deathly crash echoed from the ship. There was a unanimous sharp intake of breath as we watched her split in half, leaving the stern to crash down. Someone behind me commented triumphantly.

"I told you that ship couldn't sink!"

She was horribly wrong. Within moments, as we watched, the stern began to rise again. This time it rose until it was completely vertical and slowly, so slowly, began to slip down into the ocean. So many screams echoed out as the stern started to go under. My gaze was fixed on the disappearing stern until it was gone. Only then did I realise that tears were slipping down my cheeks.

Screams and cries from where _Titanic _used to be echoed across the ocean. A whistle could be heard soon after, but no one in our boat responded. We all just stared, expressions of pure terror across our faces. This didn't last for long, however. Molly snapped out of her daze first.

"We should go back."

A couple of other voices agreed with her.

"No," Hitchens replied sourly. "We'll keep moving away."

"Don't be ridiculous, sir!" The Major snorted. "It is our duty to return to pick up any survivors!"

"Yes, he's right, you know!" The chorus of other passengers rose, and I also nodded vigorously in agreement.

"You don't understand," Hitchens insisted, dismally. "If we go back they'll swamp the boat. They'll pull us right down, I'm telling you!"

Molly stood up, staring at him coldly. "Knock it off. You're scaring me," her voice was laced with sarcasm. "Come on, girls, grab an oar. Let's go."

"Are you out of your mind?" Hitchens exclaimed. "We're in the middle of the North Atlantic! Now, do you people want to live or do you want to die?"

Molly looked around for support, but it seemed Hitchens had succeeded in dampening their spirits again. She didn't give up, and instead chose to play Hitchens at his own game.

"I don't understand a one of you! What's the matter with you? It's your men out there!"

Some started sobbing uncontrollably at this point, but I agreed with every word Molly said – my Will was out there somewhere, and I didn't want to leave yet. Molly continued confidently.

"There's plenty of room for more!"

"And there'll be one less on this boat," Hitchens raised his voice, furiously. "If you don't shut that hole in your face!"

Molly and Hitchens stared at eachother until she sat down. The major spoke up again.

"I say, do you know you're speaking to a lady?"

"I know bloody well who I'm talking to! I am in charge of this boat and I say we are not going back for a lot of stiffs!"

A silence fell, and we could hear the cries of the people in the water so far away. The major leant over to me and patted my arm gently.

"It's alright, miss. Someone will go back. It is no use arguing with that man," he gestured towards Hitchens, who scowled in our direction. "It is best not to discuss matters with him."

I just stared back at the scene of the sinking, letting the tears fall freely down my cheeks.


	31. Pessimism

We had continued to row away, against the better judgement of the vast majority of passengers in our boat. Molly had suggested that we just sit there, even if we didn't make a move to rescue anyone from the water. While this suggestion had been met with agreement initially, we soon realised that it was far too cold to just sit there. We needed to do something to keep warm, and eventually Molly relented and agreed that we should start rowing. Even with this small victory over his new rival, Hichens remained miserable and pessimistic.

"We shan't be found!" He predicted dismally. "We'll float with no food or water until we all perish."

I joined in the rowing again, but I barely noticed myself warming up. It was a positively miserable experience – freezing, in a boat with the most negative human being I'd ever encountered and a nagging doubt about Will's promise to me.

As if this was not bad enough on its own, Hichens had taken it upon himself to criticise the rowers. This was rich, considering the fact that all he was currently doing was huddling into his coat and holding some sort of staring contest with Molly. Still, he was undeterred as he snapped at the other seaman again.

"You, your oar's not going in at the right angle."

"Sorry, sir..." the seaman mumbled, his spirit almost completely crushed.

Some of the other women in the boat had obviously had enough of this constant criticism.

"Why don't you take an oar yourself?" One demanded.

"Surely you are a capable oarsman, sir, if you know so much about it?" Another woman piped up from the back.

"I am in charge of this boat!" He snapped in response, repeating what seemed to be his only defence.

He then launched into another tirade about how we would be drifting aimlessly for days. I wasn't even interested in listening anymore. I felt dazed and alone – I wanted Will to be there to hold and comfort me. God, I was so pathetic – what had happened to the woman I used to be before I met Will? The days when I would have been prepared to join the suffragette movement? Now I was everything I had originally abhorred – reliant on one man. I shook my head. No, I was going to rise above that. Will wouldn't want me to be like that anyhow; I would have to try to return to how I was before.

"Excuse me, madam, can I take a drink? And would you mind if I borrowed one of your blankets?" Hichens' tone of voice had suddenly softened as he requested these off one of the other passengers.

"A drink? Certainly not!" The woman replied, clutching her flask. "That will do nothing to help us now!"

She did, however, pass a blanket forward. Hichens took it with a muttered word of thanks, and wrapped it around his shoulders. He remained silent for quite some time, until a shout came out of the darkness. We all stopped rowing and squinted into the night, until another boat emerged.

"Who's that?" Hichens demanded. Apparently he was slightly concerned that his time in charge might be up. I felt my heart leap – maybe Will was on board!

"Boat 16," came the reply.

"Who's in command?"

"Joe Bailey, sir."

Hichens visibly relaxed, and I caught a smug smile. He waved them over.

"We'll lash these boats together!" He ordered. This was quickly done, and Hichens settled back down confidently. "We shall just drift now."

This didn't work out quite as well as he had hoped. The boats immediately started to knock against eachother to such an extent that it could not be ignored. Hichens snarled and leant forward to take a look, but the Major quickly intervened.

"I say, we could put some of these dashed lifebelts between the boats. That should stop them!"

Hichens scowled at him, but relented. He obviously wasn't happy with not being the one to think of the idea. After all, he _was _"in command of this boat". Still, after a few minutes during which the lifebelts were placed carefully between the two boats, there was silence. Deathly silence. I felt my head droop, and didn't notice anything else for quite a long time after that.

* * *

_Will stood and gazed into my eyes. His face was so close to mine and I returned the gaze, staring into his beautiful grey eyes. He smiled at me, his eyes twinkled._

_"I love you, Ada. My Aid."_

_"I wish I was. I wish I was, Will. Will."_

I suddenly jumped and woke up. God, it was so cold. Why had I woken up? I gazed around searchingly, suddenly realising that everyone's gaze was fixed on something in the distance.

"There is is again! It looks like lightning!"

"It's not bloody lightning, it's just a falling star," Hichens responded coldly.

"Looks like a rocket to me," the Major interjected.

Hichens didn't respond. He just gazed gloomily into the darkness. Still, as awful as the darkness had been, I felt a small bit of hope as the sun began to brighten the horizon. It was still dreadfully cold, but it almost didn't seem so bad anymore. Not now that the sun was slowly rising.

"Is that a ship out there?" Someone asked, squinting into the distance.

We all turned to look in the same direction, with quite a few murmurs about the beauty of the scene in front of us. The pink sky against the blue of the ocean, dotted with icebergs which changed colour every so often due to the rising sun. And there, in the distance, was a ship.

"Yes!" The seaman behind Molly exclaimed excitedly.

"Will it come to rescue us?" The stewardess beside me looked up at Hichens hopefully.

Despite the sighting of this ship, Hichens remained miserable and gloomy. There was seemingly nothing on earth which would cause him to offer us encouragement.

"No, she is not going to pick us up," he replied dismally. "She is here to pick up bodies."

That shut everyone up for a moment as we all turned back to look at him. Molly let out a deep sigh, then stood up. She had obviously had enough of the pessimistic Quartermaster. She looked around our boat, then into the next.

"Here, sonny, you look frozen half to death. Start rowin', get your blood circulating!"

He did indeed look like he was freezing. He was dressed only in a pair of pyjamas. He picked up a row, despite a furious glare from Hichens.

"No, I said we will drift!"

"Don't be so ridiculous!" Another woman spoke up. "We're all cold. We should row to keep warm!"

"Of course you're cold! Don't you see the ice? Rowing won't help anyone!"

Molly ignored him, instead asking a stoker in the other boat to join us. He obliged, then Molly ordered the boats to be cut apart. Hichens stood up in protest, and start shouting at her – almost hysterically.

"How dare you undermine my orders? I was put in command of this boat!"

"Would you kindly shut up? If you keep interfering, I'll have you thrown overboard!"

A murmur of agreement rose from the other passengers, and I felt myself smile as I watched Hichens scowl before sitting back down with his blanket. He kept muttering to himself about Molly, but we were undeterred. We started to row towards the ship which seemed so close to us now.

* * *

_**A/N – I would just like to apologise for misspelling Quartermaster Robert Hichens' name in the previous chapters.**_


	32. Will's Letter

We kept rowing tirelessly until we reached the ship. As the oars were pulled in, I looked up to see the name – _Carpathia_. Some men were sticking their heads over the side, and ladders were hung from the deck above us. One of the women started to sob uncontrollably.

"I can't go on another ship!" She wailed as she sat on the floor, huddling into a blanket.

We pulled up alongside the ladder, and started to climb up, one at a time. I didn't move, I just stared up at the ship which was waiting to rescue us. I had no intention of moving from my seat, until Molly gently pulled at my arm.

"Come on, Ada darling, your turn," she smiled encouragingly.

I nodded, then stood and took hold of the ladder. It didn't feel secure and I didn't want to trust myself to it. Then again, I considered, anything was preferable to remaining in the lifeboat with Quartermaster Hichens – without a shadow of doubt, the most negative man I had ever encountered. I pulled myself up, step by step, until I felt two pairs of strong arms pull me up on deck. They let go as I continued to walk, a nurse pulled a blanket over my shoulders but I kept walking. Surely someone who could answer my question would be on board?

"Ada!"

I turned to see Lights walking towards me. I was somewhat taken aback as he embraced me tightly. He looked so weary, his face was drawn and pale.

"Thank God you're alright, Ada!"

"Have you seen Will?"

There was an awful pause before he answered my question. "Not yet. But I don't think all the boats have been picked up yet."

"I think I shall just wait here then. Until Will is picked up."

"Don't you need to rest? A drink? Something to eat?" He suggested.

I shook my head. "No, I just want to wait until Will gets here. He promised me he would be here and I won't be able to rest or anything until he is."

He simply shook his head incredulously, pressed a warm mug into my hands and walked away. I watched as more boats were picked up, I watched as more survivors swarmed on deck. The Ismays walked past me after a while, with Bruce Junior meeting my glare. There were so few men here, so far at least, that I couldn't grasp how _they _had managed to turn up. My tired eyes were fixed on his, and I realised something...I didn't care about him. I didn't care what he had done. As long as Will was picked up soon, I could happily forget about everything and move on with my life.

God, it was so cold! I sat down on the deck huddled deeper into my blanket, stuffing my fists into the pockets of Will's greatcoat. I frowned when my hand brushed against something, which I immediately pulled out – the letter Will had given me the last time I saw him. What had he said again? _Don't read it straight away._ Well, surely this didn't qualify as 'straight away'? I unfolded it and began to read.

_'My dearest Aid,_

_I know you have been through so much these past few days, and I know it was my fault. I tried to do the right thing, as ridiculous as it may sound now, and I felt that leaving you alone in Dalbeattie was not that. That, my dear Aid, is why I asked you to come with me on Titanic. I accept full responsibility for everything that has happened on this voyage._

_I hope we can move forward from now on, however. No, I don't expect you to fall into my arms whenever I ask. That is not what I want from you. I want you to be the woman I met while travelling from England to Australia, the beautiful, confident woman with dreams and aspirations beyond marriage and the home. You told me once you wanted to be a teacher, and I fully agree. I would hate to think of you as one of those sailor's wives, one who sits alone at home while the husband is at sea, minding the house and children. I suppose that what I am trying to say is that I want you to live your dreams, whether that involves teaching or not. Even if that excludes me – my mother once told me that if you love someone, you will want what is best for them, whatever that may mean for you. I intend to live by that rule for the rest of my life.'_

I felt my eyes fill with tears as I read this. The strange thing was that it was written in his normal, laboured handwriting. He had obviously written this before, but had chosen last night as an excuse to give it to me. I turned to the second page and wrinkled my forehead – this handwriting was different. It was still Will's hand, there was no denying that, but it was scrawled. As though he had written it in a hurry. I continued to read.

_I don't know what one should right under these circumstances. I have caused a terrible accident and Mr. Andrews has said the ship can't survive. I can't quite put how I feel into words – I have caused the sinking of this wonderful ship. I know you were never too fond of her, my Aid, but she is the ship I've always dreamed of serving on. And now I have destroyed her._

_I just want you to know that whatever happens tonight, I love you more than life itself. I know you didn't want me to call you 'lovvie', but I can't help it. That is who you are to me, the sweetest, most wonderful and beautiful woman I have ever encountered. _

_It is a bit ridiculous for me to be writing this. I know we'll end up meeting in the morning and we will laugh over this letter! I just thought it might be of some comfort to you before I show up. I also know this is a strange and perverse request, but if something does happen to me, can you make sure my mother gets the other letter?_

_With all my love, always and forever,_

_Your William_

The tears were falling freely from my eyes now. Why had he written this? He promised he would meet me, now he had sowed the seeds of doubt in my mind. And what did he mean when he said he had 'caused a terrible accident'? What on earth had happened when he was on watch last night?

"Ada?"

I looked up to see Lights standing there, with Harry Lowe standing behind him. He put his hand out and pulled me to my feet.

"I think you ought to get some rest."

"No, I want to wait for Will!" I pulled away, but he he grabbed my arm tightly.

Then I realised – we were starting to move away. We weren't waiting for more boats! I turned to Lights, panicking.

"I'm so sorry, Ada. All the boats are back."

"But...I must have missed him..."

He shook his head slowly, the last thing I remember before I felt my legs gave way as my world went black.


	33. The List

I woke up later, in a bed in the passenger's hospital. I sat up quickly as soon as I realised where I was, but I immediately felt dizzy and nauseous. A doctor hurried over and gently laid me back down.

"There, just stay still," he said in a soft Scottish accent. It all came back to me – Will was gone. I burst into tears.

He couldn't be gone – he had promised me that he would meet me later. He had to – I couldn't go to New York on my own! I needed him!

I must have drifted off again, because I woke up again a while later, to see Lights sitting beside my bed.

"Lights..."

"It's alright, Ada," he smiled softly. "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright. You have a bit of a fever."

"Where's Will?" My eyes brimmed with tears again.

"I'm sorry, Ada. He isn't on this ship."

"But he must be..." my voice was barely a whisper. "He told me..."

He simply shook his head, lowering his gaze as he did. I stared at him in disbelief.

"You're lying!"

At that moment, Harry Lowe walked in. He looked straight at me, before fixing his gaze onto Lights.

"Have you told her yet?"

Lights sprang out of his seat. "Shut up, Harry."

"You need -" Harry was cut off as Lights pulled him to one side. I strained my ears to hear the rest of the conversation.

"...why haven't you told her?"

"I gave my word, Harry. I know you weren't there at the time but I really think you ought to do as I say before you ruin everything."

"Ruin _what?_" Harry snapped, but Lights did not respond. He looked at me, then pulled Harry outside, leaving me alone.

I sat and thought over everything for a few moments, then made a decision. I didn't want to remain in bed, I wanted to go out and find a list. There had to be a list of survivors – there had been one when my sister found out the fate of our parents. I had no idea what to do after I found the list. It depended on what news it contained. I clambered out of bed and picked up my belongings – someone had removed both my coat and Will's coat when they put me into the bed. My lifebelt was gone, but I didn't mind that so much.

I took in a deep breath and walked outside. The day was miserable and grey, and I had no idea what time it was – or, for that matter, what day it was. There were people everywhere, but no one I recognised. That was a blessing at least – I didn't want to run into Molly or anyone who might start smothering me. I stopped and looked down onto the deck below, when I heard someone behind me cough. I turned to see a young officer holding a sheet of paper and pen.

"Excuse me, miss, have you given your name as a survivor?"

"I...I don't know. I've been in the hospital..."

"What is your name, miss? We'll see if it's on here."

"Ada Banks..."

He nodded, tapping the sheet with his pen. "Yes, your name is down here. First class passenger, yes? A friend of yours must have informed us already."

He turned to leave, but I grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry, do you have a list of surviving crew?"

"We do," he said, eyeing me warily. "What name?"

"William Murdoch? He was the...first officer."

He scanned his list, then shook his head. "I'm sorry, miss."

I suddenly remembered Jim Moody. I had not seen him yet, and...well, he might be of some help with coming to terms with what had happened. "What about James Moody?"

After another look, he shook his head again. My eyes widened. It couldn't be true – my Will and my friend Jim? Both lost? I could feel my eyes filling with tears again, and the officer looked taken aback.

"I am very, very sorry for the loss, miss."

I nodded slowly, smiling gratefully. He turned and walked away and I found myself wandering around the decks aimlessly. I had nowhere to go. I was alone in the world. I turned a corner, and bumped straight into someone – Harry Lowe. He jumped then looked at me in surprise.

"Why are you out here? You should be resting!"

"Jim's gone too!" I whispered.

He raised his right eyebrow, and I noted the lack of surprise. Obviously he already knew that. He pulled me into an embrace.

"Harry...what did you want Lights to tell me earlier?" I wanted to push the memory of Will out of my mind.

He pulled away slightly, looking down at me with a confused expression on his face. Something seemed to dawn on him, and he shook his head.

"It was nothing..er..nothing."

Lights walked up to us, glaring at Harry. "You didn't...?"

Harry shook his head. "I just said it was nothing."

"And he is right," Lights turned to me. "Absolutely nothing."

I didn't believe a word of it, but I knew there was no way that I could get Harry to tell me while Lights was around.

"Now, Ada, I think you need to rest. You look terrible."

"I have nowhere to go now..." I felt tears fill my eyes.

"Don't be silly, I promised Will I would look out for you!" He embraced me again. "Remember that night I promised him that, but I didn't completely follow through with it? I don't intend to let anything like that happen again. You're staying with me until we get back to England."


	34. Heroism

Lights, as the only surviving senior officer, had been offered a bunk in the _Carpathia_'s officers quarters, and that was where I woke up several hours later. He had offered to let me sleep there until he could find someone else to take me in, although I had protested – I didn't want to impose. I just wanted to find a small room where I could be alone. I think I was in shock – nothing was registering in my mind. I kept thinking Will would walk in, but he never did.

When I woke up, I sat there for a while just thinking. I couldn't stay with Lights, whatever he said. He was a married man and I didn't want to encourage any rumours about us. I slowly climbed out of bed, still deep in thought. Surely there must be another rescue ship somewhere nearby? There were so many people on Titanic that there couldn't be enough room for all of us on this ship – there had to be another ship with the others who had been pulled out of the water. I decided that Will would probably be there.

That settled it. I would try to locate the radio room so I could have a message sent to the other ship which Will would be on. I pulled Will's coat around me again. I could still smell his aftershave on it, which was of some comfort to me. I walked to the door and opened it softly, stepping out into the bitter cold. I could feel the icy air biting into my skin, and I pulled the collar of Will's coat up to my ears.

I didn't even know what day it was anymore. Everything had blurred into one since that awful night – how many days had passed? I couldn't ever guess. My sleep had been all over the place since that night. I had no idea whether I had just slept through a night or an afternoon.

"What are you doing out here?"

Harry was standing in front of me, leaning on the railing, a cigarette in his mouth. His right eyebrow was raised slightly as he looked at me.

"Harry..." I murmured. Something hit me suddenly. "Harry – I need you to tell me that secret."

"Why?" He took the cigarette out of his mouth and seemed to study it.

"What do you mean _'why'_?" I demanded. "If you're keeping a secret from me I have a right to know!"

"And I agree with you," he replied smoothly. "But Lights has sworn me to secrecy."

"So?"

"So I can't tell you. Not now anyway. Look, Ada, I promise I will tell you at some point."

"No, that isn't good enough!"

We were interrupted by a couple of _Carpathia _officers, who strolled up to us. One of them looked me up and down.

"Who's this, Lowe?"

Harry placed the cigarette back in his mouth before replying. "This is Miss Banks, she was the fiancée of our first officer."

"Murdoch?" The other seemed to consider this information. "I am dreadfully sorry for your loss, miss. It's not bad enough that such a disaster occurred but for your fiancé to take his -"

Harry suddenly jumped to attention, and pulled me away with his arm around my shoulder. "Would you like to have a short tour of this ship, Ada?"

I shook his arm off. "Excuse me, sir, what were you just saying?"

The officer who had just spoken suddenly looked awkward. "I apologise, miss, it's not my place..."

I turned to Harry again. "What is he talking about?"

It was now Harry's turn to look awkward. "I...look...Ada. There have been some vicious rumours circulating about Will..."

I frowned. "Go on."

"Some survivors on this ship have claimed that they saw Will...er...take his...own life...before the ship went down."

I gaped, absolutely speechless. Who would say something like that about my Will? Harry continued awkwardly.

"That's...er...half of the 'secret' anyway. Lights didn't want you to hear about it," he glared at the other officers. "But I just want you to know that Lights saw him being washed overboard. The rumours are just rumours."

I frowned. "If it's just a rumour then why shouldn't I hear it?"

"Because Lights thought it might upset you."

I shook my head. I didn't believe that Will would have any reason to take his own life – he had promised he would meet me 'later'. I was completely confident that it was not true.

"Well, what about the rest?"

"I can't tell you right now, Ada. Come on, the lads are having breakfast if you're interested?"

"I don't have much of an appetite, Harry."

He shook his head with a small smile playing on his lips. With one hand he removed the cigarette from his mouth and threw it into the sea, with the other he took my elbow and led me inside, down a small corridor and into the mess. The occupants looked up wearily – Lights, Joe Boxhall, Pitman and one of the Marconi operators.

"I'm sure you all remember Ada. She needs our support," Harry declared. I observed the expressions on a couple of the faces – Joe's in particular. I tugged on Harry's arm.

"Please let me go, Harry!"

He ignored me, and pushed me gently into an empty chair, before sitting opposite Lights and looking directly at him.

"Lights, I may as well tell you now that one of the _Carpathia _lads told her about Will."

"What the hell?"

"Only half of it. The...uh...taking his own life part."

The words suddenly stung me deeply. What an awful, cruel and heartless rumour to start! I looked around, trying to remember who was missing. Will, obviously, and Jim. And...Mr Wilde!

"Did Mr Wilde not make it?" I queried. Harry flinched at the question. Lights signalled for me to not talk about it.

"Harry took a boat back to the scene and...well, he saw Wilde in the water. Too late to save him."

I blinked back some bitter tears, then turned to Harry. "You went back? God, I had expected everyone to keep their distance. We tried to turn back but the gentleman in charge refused."

"I just did what I felt I had to do," Harry mumbled. "Someone needed to do something. We didn't find many survivors, so I obviously didn't do enough."

"Don't be ridiculous!" Joe interrupted. "You did more than anyone else did. The only one of us with any type of excuse is Lights."

Lights mumbled something incoherently, but Harry explained, "Lights was swept over to an overturned lifeboat and managed to keep himself and a lot of other men afloat until they were picked up. He saved more people then I did."

Lights shook his head vigorously. "I don't think so, Harry."

I decided to change the subject. "So...how many other rescue ships are there?"

"Others?" Pitman asked, looking vaguely confused.

"Yes," I replied confidently. "There cannot possibly be enough room on this ship for _Titanic_'s passengers as well as her own."

They all exchanged glances, then Lights looked back at me. "There are no other rescue ships, Ada. All the survivors are on here."

"Then where's Will?" I demanded. "He told me -"

"I know what he told you," Lights interrupted. "But he's not on board this ship, Ada. I swear on my life that Will did not make it to this ship."

His gaze briefly met Harry's, then dropped to the cup in front of him. I just stared at him for a moment, then stood up and walked out.


	35. New York

I spent the next few days feeling completely miserable. What had happened was slowly starting to sink in, despite my best efforts to prevent it. I removed all the jewellery I had taken with me from my pockets and laid it out on the bunk I had been offered. Why had I taken the jewellery and left Will behind? During my time wandering around the decks, I realised that so many women had stayed behind with their husbands, fiancés, sons and brothers. Why had I not done the same?

Instead of that I had jewellery which I could never use again. I didn't have anything to wear with them. I picked my locket out from the pile, and let it twirl itself around the chain. After a little while of just staring at it, I gently opened it. Inside was the little portrait of Will. Will.

Reality suddenly slammed into me. Will was gone. My Will was gone. I dropped the locket and burst into tears. Sobs were racking my body, I could hardly breathe. I stumbled to my feet, opened the door and ran outside. I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing – I just couldn't go on without him. I _needed _him. I would never find anyone to replace Will in my life.

I hit the railing, the only thing which stopped me from throwing myself into the sea. Should I? No. I stepped back. I was a horrible, weak coward. I couldn't even summon the courage to end my own life – as much as I didn't want to carry on, I was terrified of what might come afterwards.

I stepped back for a moment to collect my thoughts, gasping for breath all the while. Surely there must be a way to get through this? I turned and walked back up the deck, feeling the tears drying on my cheeks.

* * *

A knock on my door brought me out of my daze. I had closed myself in, I hadn't eaten or spoken to anyone for what seemed like weeks.

"We're here, Ada," I heard Lights say from behind the door.

I slowly stood up, gathering all my possessions and placing them in my pockets. I didn't want to disembark in New York – not without Will. What was I to do in New York on my own anyway? I had no way back – I certainly no longer had enough money for a ticket to England. Unless I sold my jewellery, which seemed to be my only option. But that was my only connection to Will! Still, I had the rest of my life to worry about that. I opened the door and walked outside.

"Oh, Ada, you look a right mess!" Lights sighed when he saw me. I shrugged, and pulled Will's coat around me tighter.

"Now, I assume the first class passengers will be disembarking first -" he began, before I interrupted him.

"So this ridiculous system is going to continue? After everything that has happened, all anyone cares about is the class system?"

"I can't comment on that, Ada. All I was going to say was that if you go with them, I will send Harry with you so he can get you to the hotel we're staying in."

"Very well," I replied, fixing my gaze on the dock. It was raining, as if everything was not bad enough already.

Lights led me over to where the other passengers were waiting, all gathered together as we had been on that awful night. Not one of them could raise a smile, we were all in the same position now. I caught Molly Brown's eye, and she walked straight over.

"How are you, Ada?"

I shook my head, pulling Will's collar higher. Realisation dawned on her face.

"Oh my Lord, I am sorry darlin'. If you ever need anything..."

I nodded, tears welling up in my eyes again. She embraced me tightly, and when she stepped back I noticed Ruth DeWitt-Bukater and Mr Hockley standing nearby. Ruth looked like she hadn't slept in weeks, her face was grief-stricken and every part of her cold exterior seemed to have been melted away. My heart went out to her – she had lost her daughter, it seemed. If only the girl had gotten into our lifeboat instead of running off. Mr Hockley, similarly, looked like his soul had been sucked out of his body. He didn't even attempt to fake a smile, he just seemed empty. I knew exactly how they both felt.

Harry Lowe put his hand on my elbow, making me jump slightly. I turned to look at him.

"There will be a lot of reporters down there, Ada, so we will need to hurry to avoid them as much as possible."

I nodded in agreement. I didn't want to talk to anyone at all. I only wanted Will.

* * *

"Ma'am! Ma'am! How did you survive?"

"Did you see what happened?"

The questions were fired at us, as Harry led me through the bustling crowds to safety. As soon as we reached the other end of the dock, we were out of the crowd. Harry stopped to consider this.

"I have a confession to make. I have never been in New York before and so I'm not sure where this hotel is."

I sighed. It was the sort of thing Will would say – and then we would wander around the city until nightfall trying to find it. I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I felt so lonely now.

"Ada?" Harry looked concerned. "Oh, come here love, it's alright."

He embraced me as I sobbed into his shoulder. I felt the stares of all the eyes belonging to the people who passed us by, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be comforted, if only for a short while.

"Now, come on, Ada. If it's of any comfort to you at all, I think Lights will allow me to tell you the secret very soon."

I shook my head. It wasn't much comfort at all. I had so many questions still spinning in my mind, and it didn't matter what their secret was – it wouldn't answer any of my questions. Why did Will say he had caused the sinking? Why were people saying he had taken his own life? And why, oh why, had he been taken away from me?

* * *

_**A/N – I would just like to thank everyone who has reviewed again! I really appreciate all my reviews, and I am very glad that people are enjoying this. I apologise if I have not replied to some reviews, I have been a bit busy recently and I can never remember if I have or not! **_


	36. The Hotel and Harry

The other officers soon joined us in our place of refuge. Apparently Pitman had spotted us from across the dock, and they were soon demanding why Harry had not taken me to the hotel. He looked somewhat ashamed as he shuffled his feet, mumbling something.

"What was that?" Lights demanded, unable to hear him over the noise of the crowds.

"You asked me to go there, but I don't know where it is. This is my first time in New York."

Lights just stared at him, and Harry continued awkwardly.

"I didn't want to say so because you seemed to be a bit uptight."

"Uptight? I seemed _a bit uptight_? Believe it or not, Harry, spending a night shoving people into lifeboats and then standing on an overturned boat for a few hours tends to make you more than _a bit uptight_!"

"Hey, Lights," Pitman interrupted. "I don't think you're being very fair on him. We all went through a hell of a time back there."

Lights shrugged and started to walk. After we had left the dock, everything seemed to quieten down a bit. Harry had been silent for a while, but he suddenly spoke.

"Don't you think we all look a bit conspicuous?"

We all stopped and the other officers looked at him curiously.

"What do you mean?" Lights demanded.

"Well, we're all wearing _Titanic _officer's uniforms and we all look like we've spent the last few years in a terrific thunderstorm. Hell, we all look like we went down with that ship. I just think we're asking for reporters to follow us."

"We'll be ready for them," Joe Boxhall commented, narrowing his eyes. "And we aren't too far from the hotel anyway."

He was right. We walked down a few more streets, turned a few more corners and Lights exclaimed that we had arrived. I hadn't really absorbed anything about the city so far, but when I gazed up at the hotel I felt my breath catch. It was so much bigger, so much more _grand _than any hotel I had ever seen before in my life.

Lights led the way inside. The lobby had a beautiful, shining marble floor and mahogany details, and my eyes widened at the sight. Surely I couldn't be staying in such a beautiful hotel? I followed the officers to the reception desk, gazing around in amazement. It was the first real emotion I had felt in days.

"Yes, I believe we have some rooms reserved for a few days. I'm not sure what name it's under -" Lights turned to the rest of us. "Who reserved the rooms?"

They all shrugged, and Lights turned back to the gentleman at the desk. "My name is Lightoller, I don't know if you have that down anywhere?"

"No, I'm afraid not, sir."

"Murdoch?" Lights lowered his voice slightly, as though he didn't want me to hear the name.

"Ah, yes. There are eight of you, I believe? It says here that you shall be requiring one single room, one triple and two doubles?"

"I don't think we'll be needing that many now," Harry interrupted. "Some of our group didn't make it."

The gentleman raised his eyebrows curiously, then realised what he meant. "Oh, you were travelling on _Titanic_? Awful mess, wasn't it?"

There was a mumble of agreement, then Lights spoke. "There's only five of us now, so if you could make that two doubles and a single I would be most grateful."

The gentleman nodded, scribbling some notes down on a piece of paper. He pulled three keys off the wall behind him, handed them to Lights and gave us directions to the rooms.

* * *

After Lights had shown me to my room – which was every bit as beautiful as the suite on _Titanic –_ I didn't know what to do with myself. I had nowhere to go now, I only had this room for a few days and after that I didn't know what I would do. I carefully slipped out of Will's greatcoat and laid it on the bed. I then walked over to the full-length looking glass which was by the window. God, I did look a mess, as Lights had said. I had huge black rings around my eyes, I looked utterly miserable and my hair looked like I had never taken proper care of it. I then removed my hat and gloves, laying them on the bed beside Will's coat.

I quickly went into my bathroom and splashed some cold water over my face. I felt much better then, and now just needed some proper rest to try and improve my complexion. Returning to the looking glass, I pulled the rest of my hair down and attempted to untangle the knots with my fingers, with little success. I bit my lip, trying to think of what to do, when my eyes landed on a hairbrush which was sitting on the dressing table. With a small smile, I picked it up and managed to tidy my hair so it didn't look quite so bad.

Once I had finished, I started to remove the clothes I had been wearing for the past few days. I knew I had at least three layers on, if not more. The summer-coat came off first, then the dress. Underneath that I was still wearing my nightdress and dressing-gown. I pulled them off too, and went into the bathroom to fill the tub up with warm water.

* * *

I was lying, half-asleep, on my bed when I was disturbed by a knock at the door. I pulled Will's coat on as it was the nearest piece of clothing, and hurried to answer it. Harry was waiting for me on the other side.

"Ada, Lights has asked me to inform you of two things. Firstly, an inquest is going to be held about _Titanic _which we will have to attend. He says you are welcome to stay with us until it's over and you needn't feel obliged to attend the inquest," he rhymed it all off as though he was reciting a school-lesson.

I smiled, "Thank you. I may take him up on that. I don't have anywhere else to go."

"Secondly," he continued. "We are having dinner tomorrow, in a restaurant which he claims serves excellent food, and we would all be honoured if you would join us."

"Of course," I nodded.

"If you're hungry now, I will join you for food. The others are going to drown their sorrows so I really don't have anything else to do."

I nodded again, this time more eagerly. I would be pleased to have the company.

And that was how I found myself sharing a plate of Italian pasta with Harry Lowe that evening. I forced myself to enjoy the meal, and even found myself laughing – albeit, not as naturally as I used to. Harry told me all about himself, and I found him fascinating.

"Your fiancée is a very lucky woman," I smiled. "And she sounds lovely."

"I am very sorry about Will, Ada. If only I could have returned sooner..."

"But even if you had, you only saw Mr Wilde, did you not?"

He didn't reply and just stared down at his glass of water. He tapped it gently, causing ripples to spread across the surface.

"You know," he suddenly said, changing the subject. "I would bet all my wages that Davy Blair is pleased he was left behind."

"I'm sure he is," I replied, with a wry smile. "Just think how different it might have been if Mr Wilde hadn't come."

We were silent again, then Harry jumped to his feet. "I'm afraid I will have to leave you now, Ada. Oh, do you want to buy another dress tomorrow?"

"I don't think I can," I replied sadly. "I have no money and I don't think I'm entitled to Will's wages."

"True. Tell you what, I could buy you a nice dress if you want. Then whenever you get the money, however long it takes, you could pay me back?"

I didn't feel particularly inclined to accept his offer. I didn't want him to waste his money on me. Still, it was only a loan. Not a gift. I nodded. "But I will get hold of the money as soon as possible. You need your money – you have a wedding to worry about."

"Not right yet," Harry smiled. "But seriously, don't worry about it until you have a job or something. And don't forget about dinner. I think Lights is going to be at the inquest tomorrow, but one of us will stay behind so you won't be on your own."

I hugged him tightly, but I couldn't help feeling just a bit saddened that I would never have the company of the officers I was closest to ever again. I missed Will more than anything, that much was obvious. Still, the pain from not having poor Jim Moody in my life anymore was awful. He had been such a good friend to me on _Titanic_, but now he was gone.

* * *

_**A/N – I took longer than I intended with this chapter. It's been a hectic few days and I keep thinking of new story ideas rather than focusing on this one. . I'll try to just focus on this for the next couple of weeks! As always, thanks for the reviews!**_


	37. My Decision

Harry woke me up early the next morning, telling me that we needed to buy the dress as early as possible so he wouldn't be late for the inquest. The stress of the last few days was starting to take its toll on me, and as soon as I moved to get out of bed I could feel all my muscles aching. I was exhausted, but I cheered up a little bit when I looked in the looking-glass and realised I didn't look quite as tired or ill as I had on the previous day.

Still, I couldn't take in anything about the city. It was cold outside and I soon became utterly miserable. Harry had suggested that I leave Will's coat behind so no one would connect me to the _Titanic _and start harassing me. I knew that what he said made perfect sense, but it didn't change the fact that I felt incredibly cold and lonely without the coat – it kept me warm and reminded me of Will. Instead, I was wearing my dress which now looked very grimy and cold, and the summer-coat which wasn't much use in this weather.

We went into a boutique which was fairly close to the hotel, and I selected a dress which I felt was practical – I didn't really care what I looked like, not at that stage. As long as it would fit and as long as it was suitable for wearing anywhere, I didn't care. Harry paid of course, as he had offered to the previous night, and I asked if I could change there. The woman gave me a pitying look, obviously assuming that I was a pauper, probably living on the streets. In all fairness to her, however, if I had not known the officers she would probably have been correct.

When we got back to the hotel, Lights and Pitman had just finished eating breakfast and were on their way out of the door. They expressed surprise when they saw Harry, as – so they said – they had thought he was already on his way to the inquest. They waited a while as Harry ran to get changed.

"Ada, Mr Boxhall is staying here with you today. He's in your room, I think," Lights smiled.

"Why is he in my room?" I demanded. The last thing I wanted was a man I didn't really know in my room with me. Not after that night...

"I asked him to go in there to keep an eye on you," Lights replied. "It's alright, he doesn't bite. Anyway, he has some newspapers to read and he'll probably be sleeping quite a bit. I assure you that he won't be disturbing you."

I grimaced, but I knew Lights was just trying to do the right thing. Eventually, Harry came running back towards us, and paused to catch his breath.

"Are you sure you're quite ready, Harry?" Pitman questioned, watching him curiously.

Harry simply nodded in reply, obviously not really feeling up to speaking just yet. As they walked outside I waved them goodbye, then wandered back to the stairs. As I had been out with Harry, I had temporarily forgotten that I had lost Will. Now that I was on my own again, it all came back to me. I bit my lip, thinking about him. The letter! What had he said again? I stopped and briefly felt around for a pocket, before remembering that it was in Will's coat, which was in my room.

Once I reached my room, I gingerly turned the handle and walked inside. I couldn't see anyone – no, there he was. Mr Boxhall was sitting in a chair in the corner, his face obscured by a newspaper.

"Good morning, Mr Boxhall," I said, as brightly as possible.

He barely looked up and grunted something in response. I frowned and walked over to my bed, where Will's coat was lying. I rummaged through the deep pockets and pulled out the letter. It was crumpled and creased – not a surprise really. After all, it had been in that pocket for days. I wandered over to the dressing table, sat down and gently unfolded it and smoothed out the creases.

It was awful, reading that letter again. I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I wiped them away – I had to read it. _I want you to be...the beautiful, confident woman with dreams and aspirations beyond marriage and the home. _He was right. I had always wanted so much from my life, until I met him. It wasn't his fault, it was mine. I had become so dependent on Will that I had forgotten about what I had wanted from life before. _You once told me you wanted to be a teacher..._ I bit my lip and gazed up at the wall. A teacher. I had wanted that before – and if Will had thought me capable of it, I could at least try. I looked down at the letter again, my eyes fixing on the next paragraph. _I have caused a terrible accident._

I turned around to look at Boxhall, who was still holding the paper in front of his face.

"Excuse me, Mr Boxhall, but Will wrote me a letter before the ship sank and he says 'I have caused a terrible accident'."

"What of it?" He grunted.

"Well, what does he mean by that? Surely he couldn't be blaming himself for what happened?"

"Why not?"

"Why would he?"

He lowered the paper before responding. "He was on the bridge when we hit the iceberg."

I stared at him blankly. What was he talking about? "Iceberg?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes."

"Don't be ridiculous. Surely you're not trying to say that _Titanic _sank after hitting an iceberg? They said she was unsinkable, an iceberg could not sink her!"

"Really? I think that particular iceberg might disagree with you. Haven't you read the papers?"

"No."

He slowly stood up, stretched his arms and walked over to me, brandishing the paper. I took it and scanned the front page. _Titanic sinks after hitting iceberg. _

"What of it?" I demanded. "It's not Will's fault!"

"I told you, he was on the bridge and he gave orders which caused her to hit!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" I snapped. "Will always did what he thought was right."

"I know," Boxhall shrugged. "But this time he was wrong. If he had been right...well, he would most likely be here now."

I scowled at him, then shoved the paper back at him. How dare he? At least Will had gone down with the ship instead of taking the easy way out in a lifeboat! There was a small amount of comfort in that, but it didn't change my loneliness.

As Boxhall took his seat again, I resolved to just ignore him and focus on more important things. I turned back to the letter. _Make sure my mother gets the other letter. _I smiled to myself as I planned it out – I would return to Dalbeattie to deliver the letter, then I would return to New Zealand. I hoped my old schoolteacher would still want me there, although it had been a few years since she had offered to give me a place as a teacher there.

* * *

A few hours later, the other officers returned. I heard Boxhall sigh with relief when Lights walked in.

"How did it go?" I asked.

"I'm not too sure. I felt like a criminal in there!" Lights looked exhausted, but he was still smiling. "Now, I hope Harry mentioned dinner to you?"

"He did," I nodded.

"Good. We are just going to refresh ourselves, then we will be going out – so be ready in half an hour!"


	38. Dinner and a Surprise

As he had said, Lights returned to my room after half an hour. I hadn't needed to get ready – after all, I didn't exactly have any choice of clothes. We walked downstairs in silence and met the other officers in the foyer. All were in suits rather than their uniforms and they looked remarkably different. Harry offered me his arm and we started to walk. It was still cold outside, more so than it had been that morning.

The restaurant wasn't too far away, only two blocks or so. It looked warm and welcoming, and I almost didn't care about the food. To be honest, I wasn't hungry anyway. As far as food was concerned, over the last few days I was going through the actions because I had to. I would gladly have gone without eating if I had been alone. I had no appetite at all.

We walked inside and Lights went to speak to a gentleman behind a counter as the rest of us huddled in the doorway. After a few minutes, the gentleman led us to a table - which Lights had booked in advance – and hovered beside us as we took our seats.

"I'll have the chicken, thank you," I said to him, after scanning the menu. I didn't _want _chicken, I wanted a salad at most. The officers ordered their meals and then a silence fell over the table.

I looked around at them all thoughtfully. How on earth were they all coping so well with the deaths of their friends and colleagues? There had been a few occasions when emotions bubbled to the surface, but otherwise they were carrying on as normal. How could they do it? Harry, for instance, could not possibly be completely settled with himself after seeing Wilde's body. I shuddered and tried to push the thought from my mind.

Lights broke the silence after a few moments. "What do you intend to do with yourself now, Ada?"

"I don't really know. I guess I'll go back to New Zealand and just see what happens."

"What about your sister?" Harry asked. "Where is she?"

"She was in Liverpool the last time I saw her. The last thing she said to me was that marrying Will was a huge mistake. I don't think I can face seeing her again."

There was another silence, but luckily our food arrived at that moment. I stared at the dish which was almost overflowing with food. I couldn't eat all this! I gingerly started to pick at it, losing my appetite more and more with each bite.

Lights broke the silence again. "Ada, there's someone I want you to meet tomorrow."

My head snapped up to look at him. "Who?"

"Just a young gentleman I ran into this morning. I mentioned that I knew I lonely young woman and he said he would be delighted to keep you company tomorrow while we are all at the inquest again."

I looked at him suspiciously. "I don't want to meet any strangers, Lights, and I certainly don't want to spend the entire day with one."

"I promise you, Ada, you will like this young man."

"Lights, if she doesn't want to..." Harry interrupted. "After everything with Will, maybe you should leave her alone for a while."

"Honestly, Harry. I just found someone to keep her company. I know we can trust this young man and, for the record, he already _has _a lady friend of sorts."

I bit my lip and considered it. "Very well, I will meet him. But if I don't like the look of him I refuse to spend the day with him. I don't want someone fawning over me and telling me how sorry they are for my loss when they're nothing of the sort!"

The conversation quickly turned to other topics as I continued to poke my food around the plate in silence. What was Lights thinking, arranging for me to meet a man so soon after everything? I resolved to dislike this 'gentleman' on principle – after all, what kind of a gentleman would arrange to meet a young woman if he was already involved with another lady?

* * *

The next morning came too soon for my liking. The rest of the meal the previous evening had passed with nothing else of interest happening and we had soon returned to the hotel to retire to bed. I was woken in the morning by Lights knocking on my door.

"Are you coming for breakfast?"

I rolled out of bed and hurried to answer the door.

"Yes, I'll just be a minute."

"That young gentleman I mentioned will be joining us," he commented.

I frowned. "Why are you doing this to me, Lights? I don't want to meet him!"

He shrugged before replying, "If you don't like him, he will leave after breakfast. I promise. Now, I shall wait out here for you to get ready if you don't mind."

He sat himself down on an armchair outside of my room and I quickly closed the door. I quickly got dressed, then attempted to do something with my hair. Never mind, it didn't matter – I would be spending the day alone anyhow.

After five minutes, I emerged from my room to be greeted by Lights again. I took his arm and we walked downstairs to the hotel's dining room. The other officers were there already, seated around a long table. Lights pulled out a chair for me, then sat beside me. There was an empty seat beside me – obviously where this gentleman would be sitting. I sighed.

"Shall we order?" Pitman queried, eyeing a waitress who was standing a short distance away.

Lights shook his head. "No. I think we should wait for our guest to arrive."

The minutes ticked by and I could feel knots in my stomach. How could I even contemplate eating when I felt like this? I toyed with my napkin, feeling utterly bored and horribly nervous. Lights suddenly stood up.

"Here he is!"

We all turned to look and I felt my jaw drop as my eyes widened incredulously. I blinked twice, and pinched myself sharply. It couldn't be – or could it?

It was Will.


	39. Will's Explanation

I just gaped in complete disbelief. This had to be some sort of dream! Before I could say anything, Lights clapped his hand over my mouth. Will walked towards me and sat down in the empty seat, looking into my eyes sheepishly. Lights sat down again, before gently removing his hand. I suddenly turned and glared at him.

"I'm sorry, Ada, but he doesn't want anyone to know."

It was understandable, but I didn't want to listen. I slapped Lights hard, before turning back to Will, still glaring. I raised my hand to slap him too, but Will grabbed it tightly. He squeezed my hand and leant forward to kiss my nose. I flinched and moved away.

"How could you do this...?" I whispered.

He looked ashamed, but replied in a low voice. "I am so sorry, lovvie. After all that has happened, I couldn't let them find out I survived..."

I just stared at him. So many questions were spinning in my mind, but I couldn't find my voice to ask them.

"I will explain all later, lovvie, but wait until we're alone."

The others all ordered their breakfast and ate, but I couldn't face it. I spent the entire meal just staring at Will as he ate. Something hadn't yet 'clicked' in my mind, I couldn't quite believe that he was there in front of me again. I couldn't believe that neither Lights nor Harry had even hinted that he wasn't dead – then again, I reflected, there were times that they said things which were now starting to slip into place. _He isn't on this ship,_ Lights had said. _I swear on my life that Will did not make it to this ship. _That still puzzled me. If he had not been on board the _Carpathia,_ where had he been? There weren't any other ships there! I frowned.

Once he finished, Will stood up and pushed his chair out. "If you will excuse us," he smiled at his friends, then pulled my chair out.

Although he offered me his arm, I didn't take it. I felt betrayed for the second time in such a short while – except, of course, this was worse than the time he and Lights had left me with Bruce Junior. Pretending to be dead was wrong. Sick and wrong.

I was silent all the way to my room. I didn't know what to say to someone who could put me through this. One thing was certain – if he didn't have a decent explanation, I would be returning to New Zealand alone, as I had planned on the previous day.

Once inside the room, I sat down on my bed and looked at him expectantly. He looked around awkwardly, then sat down beside me. I shifted away, but felt guilty almost immediately when I caught the hurt expression in his eyes.

"Aid, you have...no, I don't think anyone could know what made me do this. No one, unless they've been in my position before."

"Your position?" I demanded, finally finding my voice. "What about my position? I've had your 'death' eating me up inside since that awful night! It's been absolute hell for me – I almost threw myself off that rescue ship!"

He was silent for a moment, then continued, "I cannot apologise to you enough, Aid. I know that isn't good enough, but what else can I do?"

"You could start by telling me why you would do that to me. I can't think of any decent enough explanation, but you may surprise me."

"Very well. Firstly, did I ever tell you about the accidents we had on _Olympic_?" When I didn't respond, he continued. "We collided with another ship, while I was on the docking station. They thought I was responsible for the collision, which was a fair assumption I suppose. Regardless, on another occasion, we hit a wreck and threw a propeller blade. The incidents were stacking up beside my name – Lord knows how I got the position of chief on _Titanic_. That iceberg would have ended my career if I survived."

"I'm sorry, I don't quite follow you. You didn't want to lose your career so you pretended to be dead? How could that possibly work out?"

"If I had survived, I would be attending the inquest with the other officers. As I would be the most senior surviving officer, the odds are that I would be accused of causing the accident. With my previous record taken into account, I would never work with the White Star Line or any other companies, for that matter. On top of that, it is possible that they would have given me heavy fines for the damage. My reputation, career and all my savings would have been lost. It might sound ridiculous, Ada, but that is all I could think of as they surveyed the damage. As soon as Mr Andrews – God rest his soul – revealed that she would sink, I made a plan."

I shook my head. "I don't think this explanation is good enough."

"I haven't finished yet, just give me a couple more minutes!" He rubbed his palms on his knees. "I swore Lights to secrecy – that he would not tell a living soul that I survived. When the ship sank, I ended up on his upside down lifeboat. It was a truly miserable experience, but while I was on there, I had time to collect my thoughts. I would have to leave the identity of Will Murdoch behind me. I dropped any items of clothing which could identify me as an officer into the sea, and once we were pulled on board the _Carpathia_, I gave my name for the survivor list as William Muirhead – it was my mother's maiden name. Lights and I had a short meeting where we decided that no one could know the truth, although I believe Harry overheard the conversation. You see, as cruel as it sounds, if Lights had told you the truth you would not have been upset and people would start asking questions."

I considered this information carefully. "Very well, what did you intend on doing now?"

"I wanted you to bring my letter to my mother because I can't let my family know the truth. If they find out I survived, it's only a matter of time before the gossip spreads to Liverpool. Once that happens they'll be sure to find me and bring me to trial."

"This is ridiculous!" I snapped, throwing my hands into the air. "You want me to tell your mother you perished in the Atlantic Ocean when you are not guilty of anything anyway?"

"The White Star Line will want a scapegoat," he replied with a shrug. "They've lost Andrews, Smith and Wilde. That leaves myself and Ismay. Ismay can buy his way out, and I was on the bridge when it happened. They would latch onto me."

"And what if I agree to this?" I queried, narrowing my eyes slightly.

"Then we can go to New Zealand and start a new life there."

It sounded appealing, but could I trust him? I stared at the carpet on the floor for a moment, only looking up when I felt Will take my left hand gently. I looked into his eyes which were so pleading and sorrowful that I felt my heart go out to him. Of course I could trust him. He was still my Will.

"Very well. I will send the letter to your mother, but I can't lie to her face. Oh, Will...I've missed you so much!"

He kissed my nose, then my lips. "And I am so, so sorry for putting you through that ordeal. I love you so much, it was horrible to watch. But I swear now, I will never leave you again."

We sat there in eachothers arms for what felt like centuries. Eventually we lay down, and I fell asleep, my head resting on his chest. Everything was perfect once more.

* * *

_**A/N – I have to add a small disclaimer here – I do not know whether or not Will would have been in that position if he had survived in real life. It's just a bit of 'artistic license', and not necessarily factual! Anyway, as always thank you for all the lovely reviews! **_


	40. Return To Southampton

Once the other officers returned from the inquest, Will explained our vague plan to them. Lights gave us his blessing, of course, and we decided to leave immediately. It pained me to leave Harry with hardly a word of thanks after he had been so kind to me, but Will insisted on haste. We managed to buy some steerage tickets to Southampton on the next ship, and as we waited on the New York docks we worked out some more details for our plan. When we arrived in Southampton, we would have to find someone we could trust who would lend us some money which would be paid back in the near future. I would then send the letter to Will's mother with another letter, explaining my absence. As soon as we had completed these tasks, we would take the next ship to New Zealand.

The crossing back to Southampton was uneventful. The accommodation was not quite as luxurious as that on _Titanic_, and I did not like the couple we shared our cabin with, but all in all I was just pleased that I was with Will. We spent most of our time just sitting together and talking about the future, as though nothing had ever come between us. In fact, on that journey, nothing was further from my mind than _Titanic_. It wasn't until the last day on board that our conversation turned to that awful journey. I cannot remember what brought the subject up, but we began to talk about Bruce Junior.

"I was lowering a lifeboat," Will said as he leant on the rail and fixed his eyes on his folded hands. "There weren't many people in there. Ismay climbed in without a comment and his _son,_" he suddenly looked at me. "His son followed him in. So many more deserving young men – and women – could have got into that boat. I tried to stop him, but his father told me that he had to get to New York."

"Why?" I questioned, rubbing my hand on his arm to comfort him. He was still shaken by the accident.

"Because he had a _fiancée_ waiting for him in New York. They were supposed to be married on the Thursday after we arrived."

I gaped in disbelief. If only I had known about this before! I wanted to go back to New York to tell his poor fiancée – or wife, by this point – the truth about her husband. How could someone do what he did when he had someone waiting to marry him?

We arrived in Southampton the next morning. Will and I managed to slip off the ship early on, although once we were on the docks we did not know what to do. We had our plan, but who could we trust to lend us money without letting slip that Will had survived? The dock was fairly empty, so we wandered down past the familiar public houses and offices, deep in thought. It seemed like years since the first night we arrived in Southampton. Everything had been perfect back then. Still, the uncertainty of our future was almost exciting. I kept a tight hold of Will's arm, and almost jumped out of my skin when I heard someone shout my name.

"Ada! Is that you?" I quickly turned to see a man running towards us – Davy Blair! "Ada Banks?"

"Mr Blair!" I smiled. "How lovely to see you again."

"Lovely?" He looked upset, and it took me a moment to work out why. "Good God, you must be devastated. I just want you to know that I'm here and I will do anythin' I can to help you out."

It was only then that he noticed my companion.

"Oh, hello. I see you've found another gentleman, Ada. I can't comment on that, but surely you should be keepin' Willie's memory alive?"

"I am," I smiled again. "Davy, meet my fiancé."

"Fiancé? Already?" Davy's eyebrows shot up, even more so when Will lifted his hat up to reveal his face. "Oh my Lord. Willie!"

"Sh!" Will pulled us both over to the edge of the dock.

"But...you're dead!" Davy exclaimed.

"I don't think so," Will replied. "Will _Murdoch _is, however. Will Muirhead, pleased to meet you!" He stuck his hand out, which Davy shook slowly.

"I don't understand."

"I had to pretend to not survive because if I had then I would have been held responsible for the accident. We're en route to New Zealand to start a new life there – and no one can know that I did survive."

Davy shook his head, almost as though he was trying to wake up. "I think this will take me a while," he muttered. "So the chief did go down, and a steerage passenger survived?"

"Steerage?" Will scoffed. "We are simply short on funds at the moment. Come to think of it, Davy, you couldn't lend us some money could you? Just enough for us to get to New Zealand and we will pay it back as soon as we arrive. Ada has money there, haven't you, lovvie?"

I nodded eagerly. "Not much, but my grandmother is holding my parents' possessions at the moment. My dowry is included in that, so we will have it soon."

"Wait. Dowry? You promised I would be at your weddin'!"

"We would love to keep that promise," Will replied sadly. "But how are we to marry here without me being noticed by someone in authority?"

Davy nodded slowly, then a sly grin crossed his face. "What about our drinks? On me, remember?"

"The others are still in New York. There's an inquest into the accident," Will cast his gaze to the ground. "Besides, Jim didn't make it."

"He didn't?" Davy demanded incredulously. "But he was only a kid!"

Luckily the conversation quickly turned again, and ended with Davy promising to get some money together for our tickets to New Zealand. We arranged to meet on the docks again that evening when the next ship would be leaving, and in the meantime I had to send the letter to Will's mother.

I felt awful as I walked into the post officer with that letter. It would kill her to have his apparent death confirmed by the arrival of his farewell letter. It would destroy his family. What else could we do? Will was quite right in saying that if they knew the truth that everyone would find out. News travels quickly in small villages, so quickly that it seems that the walls have ears.

Once the deed was done, Will and I left the post office to wander aimlessly around the town. There was something so peaceful about just walking, arm in arm, with my Will. Nothing could hurt us now, it would all be perfect soon. Just another week or so and we would be together in New Zealand starting our new life.

That evening, we made our way to the dock, where Davy was already waiting. He handed us an envelope containing banknotes, told us not to worry about paying him back immediately, then embraced each of us tightly. Once he stepped back again, he seemed embarrassed, but we had no more time to stay. I told Davy to visit us if he ever had the chance and promised to pay him back as soon as possible. Before I finished speaking, Will grabbed my hand and we set off at a run, yelling a 'goodbye' as we went. Will quickly bought the steerage tickets and we boarded the ship. Once onboard, we took one last look at Southampton, our last sight of England, and then turned to retire to our cabin. Neither of us could sleep that night. After all the awful happenings of the last few weeks, everything seemed to be going right at last.


	41. First Night in New Zealand

_**This chapter is dedicated to my uncle who passed away on the 11.08.2009. RIP.**_

_**

* * *

  
**_

The crossing to New Zealand took about ten days, during which Will and I just talked, mostly about _Titanic_. I had felt uncomfortable about the subject at first, but Will insisted that he needed to talk about it in order to come to terms with what had happened. It made sense, and after a while I didn't feel quite so awkward about it.

"I admit I feel guilty about it," Will mused on one occasion. "But at the same time, I did what I could. I don't _blame myself _for what happened, I just wish I could have done more."

"You know, some cruel people were saying that you had taken your own life."

He smiled drily. "I heard some rumours like that, although I don't think I heard a specific name," he paused. "No, I think I heard someone claiming that Wilde had taken his life. Shot himself, apparently."

I shook my head. "Harry saw him in the water. He didn't mention anything like that."

"It's just a cruel rumour," Will muttered. "Not worth our time thinking about it. None of our officers would do that with so many passengers depending on them."

* * *

Our arrival in my hometown went undetected, as we had expected. Will and I had decided that we should visit my grandmother first to tell her about our wedding and to sort out our finances. Will wanted to send Davy his money back as soon as possible, and so we needed my dowry as soon as possible. As I knocked on my grandmother's front door, I couldn't help feeling guilty that I was only there for money. All thoughts were pushed out of my mind when she opened the door, however. Her face lit up as soon as she laid her eyes on me.

"My little Ady!" She pulled me into a tight embrace. "I never thought I'd see you again. You told me you were leaving to get married!"

"It didn't go according to plan, Granna," I smiled, then gestured at Will. "This is Will, my fiancé."

She embraced him too, taking him by surprise. She then gestured behind her. "Come in, Ady! And you, young man."

"We can't stop for too long," I said, shaking my head. "We were just going to go to my parents' house, if it's still empty."

She nodded. "Of course, Ady, I wouldn't have anyone but you or your sister in there."

"You see, Granna, we want to get married as soon as possible," I said, smiling as Will squeezed my hand. "And we were wondering about the dowry..."

She kept nodding her head as I spoke, then took my hands in hers. "Of course, my darling. I'll have it all ready for you tomorrow. You name your date and I will be there, Ady."

The house was empty, as my grandmother had said, and was standing silently beside the orchard I used to play in as a child. I hesitated before pushing the door open and stepping inside. As Will and I walked through the hall, our footsteps echoed throughout the building. Dust had settled everywhere, and so much of the woodwork looked like it could do with being fixed up. The house hadn't been empty for that long – only since the end of the previous year, in fact – but it was already starting to look like it had never been lived in.

"You know," Will said, stopping to stick his head through a doorway. "I think this house may need a bit of work done to it."

"Thank you for stating the obvious," I smiled. "It looks like you'll have your work cut out for you for a while then."

"Don't think I'll be fixing it, lovvie. I have never used a hammer in my life."

I took my coat off and laid it down on a rickety old table. Will had taken back his greatcoat, but on the crossing from Southampton he had tried to remove any parts of it which could identify him as a White Star Line officer. I suddenly remembered something, and started rummaging through his pockets while he was still wearing the coat. He looked down at me, utterly bewildered.

"A-ha!" I exclaimed, pulling out the jewellery I had stuffed into the pockets before I left _Titanic_.

"I fail to see the significance," Will responded in a confused tone. "You don't seriously think dressing up will improve our situation?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" I replied brightly. "We can sell them and use the money to improve the house."

Will was silent for a moment. "So why didn't you mention this before we took Davy's savings?"

"I forgot," I shrugged. "Besides, you were wearing the coat. Surely you must have noticed."

"Be that as it may, we can't sell them all in one go. That would draw unwanted attention to us."

* * *

After a short discussion, we both decided that the best option was to find some sort of well-paying job as soon as possible. And that was how I found myself knocking on the door of the school-house, silently praying that the old offer still stood.

The door creaked open, to reveal an older woman, pulling her old shawl around her shoulders tightly. Her face broke into a smile.

"Miss Ada! You're back!"

I nodded. "Yes, Mrs Jackson. I only just got back a couple of hours ago. I was just wondering about that suggestion you made the last time I was here?"

"Suggestion?" Her forehead wrinkled slightly.

"Yes, you suggested that I take up a teaching position in this schoolhouse."

"So I did!" She grinned, taking my hand. "And if you are still interested, so am I!"

* * *

So it was that later that evening Will and I sat in our dusty little house, just talking about how well everything was working out. No obvious money worries, we'd soon be married and nothing could go wrong.

Or so we thought, until later that night. I had fallen asleep in Will's arms, but woke with horrendous pains in my stomach. I sensed immediately that something awful had happened. Will woke a while later to find me crying in another room, crying for the baby I had lost. The one I didn't even know had existed.


	42. Our New Life

We mourned the loss of the baby for a few weeks, but I could sense that Will was relieved. In a way, I understood – for all either of us knew, it was the result of that awful incident with Bruce Junior. It still seemed hurtful for him to feel that way, which only added to my heartache.

I would be lying if I said I got over the loss quickly. It continued to hurt for months, even years. Still, after a month or so I knew I had to get on with my life as best as I could, if only so Will and I could have the life we had planned before.

In the time it took me to get to this point, Will had managed to find a job. He had been sitting down by the fishing docks reading the newspaper when he had seen a couple of young men having trouble with their boat. After a brief hesitation, he offered to show them how to handle the boat, which he knew about from when he was a young boy in Dalbeattie. The men were impressed with his knowledge and obvious experience, and offered him a job with them. Will accepted, and we soon had a tidy sum of money sitting in the dresser. Will insisted on sending Davy his money back before we spent any of it, and then we had time to sort out the house.

We enlisted the help of a few people from the village, people who I knew from my childhood. They helped us to clean out the house, then we started on the woodwork and masonry. It took a few months, but the end result was worth it. We had our own beautiful little house, perfect for our new life.

Will mentioned one day that it was about time that we had our wedding. We had been living there for about six months already, and we had intended to marry as soon as possible. That afternoon, we paid the local minister a visit, and the three of us agreed on a date – the next Wednesday.

It was the most perfect day of my life. The ceremony was small, with only the minister and two witnesses, but I couldn't have imagined a more perfect day. Will and I exchanged our vows and kissed, then spent the rest of the day walking by the sea and just talking. Talking about everything and anything, how much our lives had improved since we had met. How we had managed to pull eachother through the darkest times, and how wonderful our future together would be.

* * *

We were quite right – our future was wonderful. After a few years we decided to buy some animals to have our own little farm, which took a lot of time out of our days. Will continued with the fishing for some time, although it was becoming more and more obvious that he missed _real _sea voyages, like the ones he had used to go on before the _Titanic _disaster. I continued with my teaching, which I was perfectly content with – but I still felt guilty about Will not being able to live the life he wanted. After a few months of feeling like this, I surprised Will by buying him his own little boat, which he could use for whatever he wanted with complete freedom. And so we started going out on short trips in the boat together, which made Will a lot happier.

We heard a war started in Europe, making us thank our stars that we hadn't stayed there. Luckily for Will, he was never called upon to enlist and he didn't want to leave me alone. We often heard the mutterings of some of the local people, calling him a coward – but we didn't care what they said. We had been through so much to get to this point, why would we throw it all away unnecessarily?

We even had a few visits from Lights, whenever he could find the time. Of course, the war got in the way of his visits for a few years, but once it was over he came down to see us at least twice a year. He often said that his Sylvie would like to accompany him, but it just wasn't easy to organise it. After all, he didn't want to draw attention to the fact that Will was still alive and well.

Unfortunately we never started our own little family. It wasn't through want of trying, but after I lost my baby it seemed that I was unable to carry another. For years I blamed myself, but Will spent so long trying to comfort me that I soon came to accept the fact that we couldn't have children. I thought he would have attached more importance to producing a family, but he swore that he did not care as long as he had me. Admittedly, I was never completely convinced by this claim, but it was beyond my control. That didn't stop us trying, of course, and I know we both lived with the hope that we would one day become parents.

So it went by for all these years. Will and I, always together, in our house in my hometown in New Zealand. Far away from the world of _Titanic_, far away from the superficial attitudes of the people I had met onboard that ship. I often thought about those days, wondering if the accident could have been avoided. I wondered what had become of Ruth DeWitt Bukater and her daughter, although, of course, I never did find out. I thought of Molly Brown, the woman who had been so kind to me, if just a bit pushy. The officers of _Titanic _also crossed my mind, and I found myself wondering what they had done with their lives. Then of course there was poor Jim Moody, who lost his life at such a young age. Quartermaster Hichens, who had behaved in such a strange way on Lifeboat Six...Mr Thomas Andrews, the gentleman who had gone down with his ship...could all of this have been avoided?

There was one person I had tried to force from my mind, and I had varying degrees of success in doing so. Bruce Ismay Junior. I had the misfortune of reading about him in a newspaper, years after we arrived in New Zealand. He had married the poor woman Will had mentioned before, they had children apparently. But he lost his inheritance, he lost his savings. His life had crumbled before his eyes. I couldn't help but feel sorry for his poor wife – she had been put through hell with his problems, and she probably didn't even know the worst of it. What he was capable of doing.

Still, whenever the question entered my mind again, I knew the answer. _Could the Titanic disaster have been avoided? _Certainly, it could have been. So many people could have been saved with the smallest intervention. But, on a purely selfish basis, I knew how I felt about it all. _If the disaster had been avoided, Will and I would not be so perfectly happy together. _It was the strangest thought to have, but whenever the question crossed my mind I couldn't bring myself to wish it any other way.

**The End**

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_**A/N – completed at long last! This is a milestone for me – the first full-length story I've ever finished!**_

_**I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed this story. Your reviews kept me motivated to keep writing, so thank you very much!**_

_**It's been tough keeping focused on this, especially over the last few weeks – I've had more ideas for fanfics running wild in my head, and I've had to try to shut them up so I could finish this one first. I have three new ideas for fics, and none of them are like this. I think two are firmly in the 'humour' genre, which will be a challenge!**_

_**Of course, my disclaimer is in the first chapter, but I'd just like to reiterate that most of these characters are not mine. Some are heavily fictionalised (as is probably obvious – Ada Banks, William Murdoch to name but two) and some are based on real life although I may have been extremely unsuccessful with that! Some characters belong to James Cameron (Ruth, Rose – the obvious culprits!). Bruce Junior is mine, and I think he's the only truly fictional main character in this story. **_

_**I tried to keep the sinking as close to fact as possible, and drew most of my information from 'Titanic: An Illustrated History', which I would recommend to everyone who hasn't already read it! Of course, credit is also due to James Cameron's movie 'Titanic' and 'A Night To Remember'.**_

_**I think that is everything I wanted to say. Thank you once again to everyone who read or reviewed my story – especially to those who did both! I enjoyed writing this story, and I hope to start my next within a couple of weeks!**_

_**~Phil**_


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